h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Concorde

Since we're being here, I feel it appropriate to recount the tale of my sister and her friend Gaye's "Fart Shape Analysis".

Bearing in mind the pair of them wer about 11 yrs old at the time - they used to spend the day fueling up with pickled onions and apples and then analyse the resultant flatulence according to the shape of the sounds.

For example - a staccato type effort might be described as four small round ones with a triangle at the end.
Or a more stentorian type would be a large rectangle.

Another fart story involved one of the regulars at my local pub, a number of years ago.
After a heavy night on the beer, he decided to impress his mates by really letting one rip.
Unfortunately noise wasn't the only thing he produced and to this day he is still known as Fart'n'Follow-thru

The Colostomy Society don't find farting funny as many of their members have drifted off into space, often being misidentified as UFOs (Unidentified Farting Objects). I believe details of their sightings are kept in the airforce's brown book.

I note with interest that all ex and current students are keeping schtum on the subject of "Burning them off" like some natural North Sea oil rig.................

You're going to like this one kiddies!

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html



zdt

Well it's nice to know I'm elite, blue flame and no burns.

Apparently when methane reaches the mesosphere(a part of the atmosphere) it breaks apart into water and some other stuff.

So the mesosphere smells of dry fart then.

Actually although I know the reallity of the situation, I don't really like to think of farts as wet.

PP

Is there a farting noise when the methane exits through the ozone layer

No. At least not a parping noise, just a gentle whistle. The hole in the ozone layer is so large that there is practically no resistance.

PP

Does this mean that the FTD (Follow Through Drive) might become a new means of getting stuff into orbit, after which interplanetary probes could rely on the Solar Wind?

Solar wind! Oh Jesus, does the sun smell of fart?

PP

There is a problem with the "Fart Zone" or "Fart Layer" theory insomuch that if a rocket were to transit through the zone or layer, then surely said layer would ignite, sending a brief flash fire around the planet as the accumulated farts ingnited?

Never see the aurora borealis (latin: high-level fart-flames) in the sky, then?