h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It is summer in Europe. In the North we are wet, the south (Spain, Italy, Greece) is dry. It happens every year. Global warming will make it worse.

There is talk of a new high speed railway.

Libya is in the news. Libya discovered water under the Sahara some 25 years ago and have built a massive irrigation project to bring it (the water) to the mediterranean coast and make Libya an exporter of fruit and veg when the oil runs out.

New nuclear power stations will be built, many on distant (from populations) coasts, where the wet bits are.

SO. Why don't we build, following Libyan example, a great man made river system to bring water from the north of Scotland, west of Wales etc. to the southern countries of Europe. By pipeline, canal, existing rivers, etc etc.. AND we can run a railway along it. AND we can use it to reinforce the National Grid. So we can get those wicked capitalists at the water companies, the train companies, the electricity companies and we can charge the Greeks, Spaniards and Italians, for example, a penny a pint, make stacks of dosh to pay for it and make lots of lovely profits.

NOW. Isn't that a good idea?

Buy shares now from U234994 Pinky at the A464140 BOFInn SNUG. Just go along there and pay some of your hard earned h2g2ros and you can be in at the beginning of a great and wonderful project. Or, if you're not feeling that energetic, leave your money here, and I'll pass it on.

P.S. This is NOT a Scam. Honest. Have I ever fibbed to you?

They want to do this in NZ, sending tankers to the west coast that just gushes with potable water and then shipping it to the thirsty world. Of course, once they do that, they will have to privatise water rights in NZ, because you can't have those pesky locals in control of things And really they should wait a few more years until the Ozzies run out of water because they'd have no compunction about holding their neighbours to ransom.

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So we can get those wicked capitalists at the water companies, the train companies, the electricity companies and we can charge the Greeks, Spaniards and Italians, for example, a penny a pint, make stacks of dosh to pay for it and make lots of lovely profits.
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I think you mean "So we can BECOME those wicked capitalists at the water companies, the train companies, the electricity companies and we can charge the Greeks, Spaniards and Italians, for example, a penny a pint, make stacks of dosh to pay for it and make lots of lovely profits."

Well, yes and no. The idea is to get them, the big companies, to pay their way, i.e. pay per volt, per train etc., and we, the investors at the SNUG, get to make all the profits.

We have no aversion to being wicked and, as long as we define capitalists as being providers of capital, the capitalists are not us at all. That's you the shareholder(s). Assuming, of course, we can persuade you to part with your h2g2ros.

We are the humble workers. We shall be beavering away making prospectuses (prospecti??), persuading the banks to stump up the funds, drawing up plans, applying for planning permission, repairing the BOFInn... Ooops!

How I hate the term "save the planet". The planent has been looking after itself for billions of years, through molten rivers, through Ice Ages, cosmic impacts and real acid rain - the tiny blip in its history called mankind can have no impact on it at all.

What you mean is "save the planet's environment to make it a comfortable place for the currently dominent species"

Thank you for your rant U, however, if you were to read the entry more carefully, you will see that it is a plan to part you from your funds, and has little or nothing to do with planets, saved or otherwise. We are playing on your prejudices and greed to get hold of your h2g2ros! Not all of life here is totally serious. Sorry to have upset you.

*Pinky ,sort of 'glides',into the thread,4 inch heels ,looking classy,if I say so myself* Phero and I ,are here to include everyone ,on a new venture ...*glances around ,hopes she is attracting attention now * we are offering you all the chance to invest on a very important plan-et saving project...if you all sign your names on the list,I'll be willing to pass your names onto Phero(he does the evaluating as to how much dosh you have ,I mean how competent you are ) Everyone will be given a fair hearing ...don't rush now,thats silly and dangerous..... *Leaves a secret message for Phero,if your not Phero,do not read this please*


Phero,I LOVE your line ,I quote..'Not all life here is totally serious'.Pure genius.I think that may have won us a few quid ...God we're getting good at this .... (We know just how serious we are )

*winks at Phero*

Well said young - and remarkably well presented - Pinks.

Come on, roll up everyone, form an orderly queue.


***Walks up and down. Worrying.***

This scheme is already being implemented. Did you never wonder why it is that you can't open the windows on the channel tunnel trains? It's so that the water can share the tunnels once it gets to the South coast. The main sticking point now is the redistribution of the Scottish mountains from the centre to around the edge of Sctoland, so that they form a large enough lake in the middle.

Dead easy. Make an announcement in Aberdeen that there's free money hidden under every mountain.

Hmmm! Interesting,so basically your suggesting we go to Scotland to enrich our plan-et saving scheme then ? Phero,how would you look in a kilt ? I don't fancy my chances climbing up Scottish glens (or is it dells ?) in my four inch heels ..I could stay quietly at home of course ,prepare minutes for our next meeting ..you could be the Scottish delegation 'person' !

*Pinky thinks,very hard,which colour plaid would suit Phero best ,problems ,problems*

Who's going to look after the haggis ?

All your plans will surely disrupt their habitat.....

Great idea! But can we keep the money this time?

Actually...I've been saying this for a while...(pedro can confirm...or would be able if he weren't on a ferry to Orkney)...what we need is a -off big tidal generator in the Pentland Firth (one of the world's strongest and most reliable currents) and a hi-speed Maglev down to London.

So that all those folk who used to work in finance (what else does England do?) can commute to where the money will be.

>SO. Why don't we build, following Libyan example, a great man made river system to bring water from the north of Scotland, west of Wales etc. to the southern countries of Europe.

We need to wait until a different country does it first and then copy them. It's how we do things in this country these days.

Britain doesn't manufacture much any more, including new ideas.

>>We need to wait until a different country does it first and then copy them.

Except we only copy the bad things.

Example:
We British are proud of our ability to queue and sniffy about how Johnny Foreigner hasn't got the hand of standing in a long line with nothing to do until it's your turn to be served.

I recently visited two nations in which everywhere - not just supermarket deli counters, but also post offices, railway ticket offices, even police stations (long story) have those ticket machines that lake you take a number and then wander off and do something else until it's your turn.

Sometimes...we can be so dumb!

And on things like renewables and maglevs...we simply lack that all-important sense of JFDI. We'd rather find a thousand reasons *not* to do something.

Our big post office in town runs on a ticket and wait system now.

It's funny seeing people wandering, confused and lonely...

Yes I'm fond of our queuing habit. It's a nice communal, close body contact thing where you can frequently strike up a conversation with your neighbour as you're all in the same boat, waiting, waiting. I much prefer it to the ticket thing of separating everyone.

and if you're in the wrong queue, you can have twice the fun