h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Blimey - cant argue with that.

Well, I can see your point. It's why I've made such an effort to be more honest in my relationships, and I think I've achieved that. I've been guilty of that sort of thing in the past, but now I'm just about as blunt in my relationships as I am in everything else. But that means I have to be honest enough to look at her hair and say "Honey, what were you thinking?" Hopefully, when I pay her compliments, she'll know I mean them as sincerely as I did that criticism.

I will, but only briefly: If you don't do it specifically for the purpose of weirding us out, but you know it does, why do you continue to do it?

As GB knows, I'm pseudo-contrary boy, so I have to argue a point- any point, no matter how untenable.

The best diplomats know precisely when and how hard to stomp. (Is this statement relavent? Should it be?)

The trouble with the two questions, 'How do you like my hair?' and 'How do you feel about me?' is that both will get you a very vague answer (to the question you're really asking). The later is overpowering, the former is innocuous and inconsequential. Both questions are asking the same thing though, 'Are we going to stay together?' or a loose variation of that.

'How do you like my hair?' may tell the woman whether her man still cares for her, but does not let *him* know that *she* is concerned about the relationship; about the way he is acting towards her. Asking that will not change the actions he has taken that worried her.

'How do you feel about me?' is abrupt. It allows no time to formulate an opinion that can be delivered without fear of reprisal. The question itself has an accusatory feel about it, like the answer expected will be 'not good enough'. The only answer left to the question must therefor be vague or very gushy. Guys don't usually gush.

There is no middle ground; no common denominator which will allow *both* parties engage in an active, equal discussion about how they both feel.

Is there a common denominator? A question or series of questions that will lead to open communication between two people? Is it the same question, or different for everyone?

Sorry to tear into that so deeply, turtle. I wasn't trying to single you out; I'm just trying to re-open the conversation. It has been five (or six? how long have I been writing this?) hours. I apologize for my inadequate quotation punctuation as well.

When I lol-ed in my last post on this page, it was more as laughing because I knew it was true (more or less) rather than thinking it was a joke.

don't kill me...

-jb

turtle, you are so dead on, it is scary. I need you in the why are guys guys forums. If you have time to read the backlog, you input would be appreciated. But if you don't have the time, I understand.

Don't worry jb, I'll protect you.

mirth

Saved at last.

-jb

Would everyone here, irregardless of gender, agree that they're not entirely sure why they act in a specific manner towards members of the opposite sex?

Misinterpretation and misjudgement. That's why. We just have to figure out how to stop.

I was having so much fun, though.

-jb

I for one cant help but treat the opposite sex differently. I am attracted to guys,and being a girl, I feel like if I am too direct, the guy will be scared off and run screaming for the hills. I ask all these really dumb questions to try to read into what a guy is really thinking, like, if I wanted to know if a guy likes me I might ask something like "if there was a nuclear bomb and the radiation created a horn in the middle of my forehead, would you still talk to me?"
Or the usual: Is something wrong?
I usually get: I'm fine.
What is that? You are fine, yes, but is there something bugging you? I mean, you are alive, I can see that, but..
arrhhhhggghhghghg
(smacks head into keyboard)

Oh yeah, and another thing. The only real qualification I have to liking a person is that they be insane. If they are insane, I will pay attention and it doesnt matter if you like pickles, its if I like the guy, the whole conglomeration of him.
But liking pickles does help...

rat

Gone for two days and look what I miss.

What one looks for in the oppostie sex - to be perfectly honest, I have to be in the right mood, I gotta enjoy being around the person, and I don't want them to be hideous. The enjoy thing can vary wildly, as I'm sure you would all agree with.

Honestly - look at your list, and ask yourself how many characteristics you fulfill? Hmm. Although I'd have to agree with GB, I definitely don't go for people who don't know jack - but there's also the issue of real smart people who don't know about people, and they're just as bad.

Manipulation - honesty is hard, it's a lot easier for someone to try and determine what their boyfriend thinks about them by asking about their hair than being upfront. (Personally I'd like to shave my head and be done with the whole thing but I haven't bothered yet.) Truth is if you're not comfortable addressing the person there are other some relationship issues. But the balance is fragile, whatever.

Insanity is also nice.

I like to think insanity is a sign of real intelligence, and its also a great way to deal with life...
I wonder if it can save me from the impending doom of not doing my economics project.
Stupid senioritis! Stupid school! Ahhh!
Okay, umm, as I was saying, yeah, hideousness can be a turnoff. Especially if they resemble either a bird or a frog. Cause then its like weird you know? I mean, yeah.
Dear god, the stress has gotten to me, who will save me now?

rat
look at all the pretty flies tra la la la la

I was just attempting to find a nice, reasonably comfortable middle-ground type question that would allow people (couples) to talk together without the usual problems; 'Does this question mean what I think it means,' and 'Why is he/she/it putting me on the spot?'

Like maybe a 'Can we talk,' without the inherent worries that accompany that question.

How do you define insane? Or sanity for that matter?

-jb

Insanity can't be defined. Because it depends on what the norm is. If everyone believed that the sky was pink and that cats barked, you would be insane for thinking the sky was blue and cats meow.

I think what Rat means when she says insane, is unstable. I know when I was 17 all the guys I was attracted to were definitely off kilter.

That would mean insanity was a relative thing, and could be defined relatively. And are you sure she isn't refering to those who aren't subscribers to popular culture, who by some might be thought of as insane or unstable?

-jb

I think it's both. The guys I used to go out with (and still do) weren't suscribers of popular culture, but the one's I was really into were unbalanced even for (for lack of a better word) 'alternative' people. I've been trying to avoid the unstable part since I broke up with my ex. You wanna talk unstable, you should see him.

Mmmm, pickles.

I'm afraid the question "can we talk?" has *really* bad connotations for me. My ex used it to start discussions which generally ended up with her telling me to change something she thought I was doing (or had done) wrong. No correspondence was ever entered into and the judge's decision was final. Any attempt to justify my actions usually ended up in a fight. After a while I just gave up and took whatever she came up with.

But then maybe that's just me.

Re: wierdness, I don't handle it too well. I'm too shy and retiring. A strange senmse of humor can be good, though. And pickles.

You don't handle weirdness well, Oz? What constitutes weird for you?

Rat-somone was on earlier whose name was something like 'pickleman' or something. Maybe you should say hi.

I'd just pop in to ask a question...
If a girl wants a guys opinion on her hair, she can't ask "do you like my hair?", right?
Because that actually mean "do you want to break up with me?"
So what does she say?

A girl shouldn't have to ask a guy if he likes her hair. Any decent man would have already said something.

(in case you couldn't tell, I'm kidding )

I personally wouldn't ask a guy if he liked my hair if I wanted to know if he wanted to break up with me. But, I don't think I'm typical.

I originaly ment some question like 'Can we talk?' without all the negatives associated with that question. It probably doesn't exist.

I usually notice when someone gets a haircut, but rarely find it necessary to attempt to work it into the conversation. The length and style of someone's hair does little to affect the esteem I hold them in, unless of course they have racist symbols or remarks spelled out on their scalp.

-jb