h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you've read any of my journal, you may have seen mention of a diminutive colleague of mine & the shenanigans we got up to.

What was not mentioned so much in those entries was the surplus of boyfriends she had, to the tune of one.

Yes, I was the bit on the side.

She made many assertions that he was on the way out & I was the good news, but on a drunken night out she made a mistake with another colleague & that was that.

Despite her protestations of "innocence" I'd had enough of what seemed to be games & ended it.
Despite further denials that she had any feelings for said colleague, she was more recently carrying on with him, again behind her actual boyfriend's back.

She "left" her boyfriend & moved out for a whole week before going back to him, but it transpired today that he was unaware that they'd split up. He thought she took a break to get her head together.

As it turns out that she is a serial cheat & wearer of the Pants O' Fire, and that her loving & loyal boyfriend is blissfully unaware, my questions are thus:

Do we tell him? And if so, how?

My thanks for your consideration...

Difficult one, LL (as I'm sure you're aware)

Some questions to ponder, how long have they been together? Was he aware of the surplus? Did he even *care*? Did he think *he* was the one?

I cannot say any more at the mo (may do later though). Hope you get some good advise from our friends

Say nothing and keep away from the situation

I agree with Lil. If you tell you will end up looking the bad guy.If asked then you can answer truthfully but don't volunteer the information.

Have to agree with the sentiment behind saying nothing.

He may know all about it, but chooses to ignore it. Bringing it up might be like rubbing his nose in it.

Folk are funny, but it's best to learn lessons in love on your own.

Or you could tell him and let get over the [potential] hurt and go off and find someone that treats him with the respect he [possibly] deserves. If he knows and is comfortable with [or even enjoys] the way things are then he probably won't be too upset to hear about it.

The easy way out is to do nothing. If you posted to get "permission" to do nothing then you already have 3 voices offering it.

How good an idea is this?

"Excuse me mate, I've been giving your bird one."

Should you book the ambulance in advance?

Perhaps I've misunderstood your post, but from what I understand the situation is this.

You have been seeing a girl with a boyfriend. So you are happy she's a cheating harpy and cheating on him as it means you get to see her. You didn't feel at that time that her boyfriend needed to know the information.

She then cheats with a third person. You are unhappy she's a cheating harpy and cheating on her boyfriend because it means she's also now cheating on *you*. You now feel this is the time her boyfriend needs to know the information.

I think you should stick to single girls in future, and leave this couple alone. Take your sour grapes, your hurt and your upset and leave this bloke out of it. And perhaps look up 'hypocrite' in the dictionary.

Spot on, Mina!
to you, cheated 'on the side' one, but she has a point here...

Riiiight...

You are angry because the person who cheated on her boyfriend to be with you is now 'cheating' on you.

I'd suggest developing a sense of perspective.

*Changes "now" to "had been"*

So, the first bloke being cheated on should continue to be cheated on because:
i) "Excuse me mate, I've been giving your bird one." is the only humanly possible way to tell him...
and
ii) Because LiftLiker had to be cheated-on by this girl before decided he didn't like her so much.


It's a wonderful life.

Az - How exactly do you sweeten the pill when you're telling a bloke you've been making the beast with two backs with his girlfriend?

Evenin' SWL.
Answer - you can't sweeten that particular pill. Whatever happens he'll feel betrayed by him/by her/by both so best thing is to hold fire and apologise profusely when the s**t hits the fan - and it will.Just remember that it wasn't just her that cheated on unsuspecting boyfriend it was him as well.

Wow, a nice mix of opinions there.
To clarify, I knew she was a cheating harpy all along & decided to try not letting that bother me. Didn't work. I have a conscience & did try apologising to the boyfriend afterwards. Unfortunately, as my apology was not too specific on the details, it seems he didn't realise what I was apologising for and remained none the wiser.
To clarify another point, I am not motivated by vengeance here. I dealt with, and got over, any feelings of betrayal pretty quickly & harbour no ill will towards the girl. I certainly have no desire to make her life miserable.
I acknowledged what we had as fun while it lasted & a whole heap of not-right. She herself claimed to have seen the error of her ways & was apparently making a concerted effort to patch things up with her boyfriend. Turns out that wasn't true either.
Y'see, the colleague she got off with on that fateful Friday night is a mate of mine (who didn't know I was seeing her) and he became rather smitten with her. They became very briefly involved about a month after my fling & it ended badly. He IS resentful & vengeful. I was fairly placid about my adventure because I could see where it was going & was not surprised when it went t*ts-up.
To make things weirder, she moved out for a week, having allegedly split with her other half, and moved in with a female colleague (nothing funny going on there) but it now turns out her boyfriend didn't know they'd split up & the female colleague is feeling mightily peeved that she was lied to.
Male & Female Colleague are not members of this august association so I suggested that I pose this question to see what the Community could suggest. Female Colleague is all for telling the boyfriend. Male Colleague is all for a leaflet campaign exposing the truth to all. I'm not that fussed.
And I forget now who said it earlier, but absolutely right, single girls from now on. It's not worth the hassle, I do have a conscience & I've felt a lesser man since the whole sorry incident.
What I have now is infinitely better, because it's honest & exclusive.
I never liked to share my toys, and I'm not going to borrow other people's in future. Especially without asking.

Short version of the above:

I'm not fussed but colleagues want to do something.

(Why I didn't just write that in the first place...)

This post has been removed.

Crumbs! I'd love to know what that said...

>>And I forget now who said it earlier, but absolutely right, single girls from now on. It's not worth the hassle, I do have a conscience

eh? Was you're conscience not troubled when you got into all this?

I checked through your journals, and it seems as if you've got quite a few women you are interested in! I'm not sure I believe you're my age (dob 1970), you sound more like a randy teenager who has just discovered girls!