h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK, short of starting a "crap adverts" website (which is still an option) I thought there must be someway of registering bafflement at various campains.

The one that is confusing us at the moment is one for a cough medicine -

"Woman in neck brace walks into docters waiting room, after which, all the other patients start coughing (they were quiet when she enters), voice over says nothing beats a cough like benylin, they all leave"

We assume the voice over is heard by the patients (they may be leaving because they have all heard a disembodied voice), but why do they all start coughing when neck brace woman walks in - does she smell or something?

But this is just one such example of crapness, I'm sure we can dig more out.

CHawke

The christmas adverts for Woolworths were awful. Mainly because of the stupid woman who shouted all the way through them. Is it me or is it easy to spot people who used be to kids DJ's? They can't seem to break the habit of talking to people as though they're idiots.

The Ant and Dec Macdonalds adverts. Why do Ant and Dec need to do adverts when they're pulling in enough already? The adverts were very poor:

"Apparently you've never had it so good"

What's obvious about that is that it's been written by someone trying to immitate the style of Ant and Dec. Many adverts do this. How can you respect anyone who sells their soul to Macdonalds?

Then there's the advert for the Suzuki Grand Vitara. It features kids misbehaving accompanied by kids singing, "Go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do", while somebody is driving off-road in a Vitara. Serious "off-roaders" would never take this attitude and, IMHO, the advert encourages other people to take a careless attitude to the few places where you *can* drive off-road in the UK.

Oooo car adverts, I'd forgotten.

There was the one for some car that had all the other cars as ducks or washing machines - we *think* that it was to imply that all other cars are noisy, leaky beasts, but were never sure.

The other was a car splitting in two, with the kids in the back (message, this car falls apart) and when it comes back together again, the aprox 10 year old children have picked up a adult blond girl - not sure what message this was suppose to convey!

Keep em coming.

CHawke

All perfume adverts, none of them make me want to buy perfume, they're very weird.

Anything with Linda Barker in it.

Anything by DFS. Years ago, when they only had a few stores around Manchester, where I was living, the adverts were kitsch masterpieces. Now they're just rubbish.

That advert for The Sunday Times with the young couple in bed & she goes downstairs starkers to get the paper from the doormat. As if.

But on the plus side, I quite like those Fosters ones with the people getting their heads bitten off.

The first advert you mentioned was for the Ford Focus, and was meant to imply that the cars were more stable (less jelly-like), quieter (not like a squeaky duck), and less prone to vibration (unlike a washing machine). At least, that's how I read it. But it didn't make much sense.

Then there's the one for 'More Than' insurance where the dog is able to release the handbrake on the car just by resting its weight on it. Every car I've ever driven has a button on the end of the handbrake, and the brake won't come off unless you press the button. So there must be something seriously wrong with that car.

Speaking of insurance, I bet I'm not the only person who changes channels when those *dreadful* esure adverts with Michael Loser are shown.

Jimbob, I've not seen the advert you mention, but people do go downstairs starkers first thing in the morning to collect letters and suchlike. If there's nobody about and the door has obscured glass (or none at all), where's the problem. I've done it myself. Why bother putting clothes on when you're going to get straight back into bed with a newspaper, which I assume is the implication in that advert.

The car splitting in two is supposed to be about the separate sound systems in front and back. "So the kids can listen to their CDs and you can listen to the radio". This seems to imply that "the kids" have first dibs on the music, or that the adults are incapable of working the CD player, or something. What a great selling point!

I have no idea why the fraulein is there.

Movie taglines are strange things. I can't recall one movie tagline that has made me want to watch a movie. They are usually counterproductive and make the movie sound corny.

A confusing one from Pulp Fiction:

"Girls like me don't make invitations like this to just anyone!"

doesn't seem to relate to the film at all.

Hi Cheerful

Oh, I'm not doubting that people do wander around in the buff and indeed get letters/papers from the doorstep (outside, not inside in this case). What I was objecting to was the gratuitious nature of the shot of the broad walking down stairs. As Mark & Lard would say: No Need!



Yes, Michael Winner can off.

I'm trying to think of other rubbish adverts. I'll come back to you....

I used to be able to reel off the DFS stores list they did at the end of the advert when there were only a few, don't know why they stuck in my head.
*gives it a try*
"Darley Dale, Mesham, Droitwich, Grantham, Northampton, Cannock and Fenton"

I remember them adding Cannock.

I *HATE* those Michael Winner ads so much I've never actually noticed who they were for. Linda Barker - I am baffled by her adds, she does decorating programs room so why is she telling me about cheap white goods?

I don't get to watch much uk tv at the moment so I am seeing a lot of BBC World. The station ads there are driving me nuts - every 10 minutes or so you get "BBC World, take *inexplicably annoying pause* a broader view". It makes me want to reply "I'm trying but you are showing me the same thing every 10 minutes. AAAArrgh"

k

Oh yes,

"I'm Lovin' It"

Most of those are totally random nonsense. I think I actually miss the clown!

The irritating advert on BBC with Jensen Button (trying desperately hard to sound cool and mysterious) is on every time I switch on the TV. I can't remember what it's for though.

There was a local radio ad (UK Midlands) for Reg Vardy, a large chain of car sellers...the words in the jingle were never very clear but the best guess was "Reg Vardy, selling cars that fall apart...."

Hey Kelli,

Do you remember the immortal 'Tom' from those early DFS ads. He was great. He was always really excited but in a sort of very mannered Michael Aspel kind of way, with lots of expansive hand gestures.

The best one was when Michael Aspel appeared in the ad as well, they sort of 'ran into one another' in the store. We decided that there was an unwritten subtext:

Tom: "Michael!"
Michael: "Tom!"
Tom: "Bum sex?!"
Michael: "Yes please!!"

Those penguins going on about something that has been in existence for *ages*. Why?

And that one from the tax man - send us your tax return or we'll come round and burst your pipes, flood your house and destry your ceilings. I'm really not sure what they are threatening me with but it isn't nice.

The one for a savings/insurance type scheme that says "you may not get back all the money you put in"! Yeah, great pitch! 10/10 for honesty (Hey! We're gonna rip you off!), 0/10 for persuading people to buy your product! (I bet they still do, though. In droves. Just goes to show, never underestimate the stupidity...)

Jimbob, I didn't know his name but I certainly remember him! Nice suits

Any face cream adverts. Boswelox? Don't make me laugh. 80% of women experinced miracles after just 5 minutes (10 women sampled, self-reported epiphany after being given free stuff by us).

Sounds like a load of boswelox to me