h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The ones I hate are "proven to give a 37% improvement in the radiance of your hair" ... where did I leave my hair radiance meter?

Somebody needed to think a bit harder before calling a product Boswelox. Perhaps they're taking the mickey?

Oh yes, the boswelox is a classic.
Current annoyances are Linda Barker in anything (but she is rumoured to have cleared about 2 million in fees for all the adverts leading up to Xmas).
Kelli, I used to know that list off by heart too! And then adding Cannock
The maccy D advert with the big airship and the bloke trying to be all superior to the merkins cos we brits get a hamburger they don;t. Woo.

Oh yes, how could I forget. Double Glazing ads and that vaguely familiar looking balding bloke with the involuntary mullet. That ad *really* annoys me. The bloke is objectionable and the whole thrust of the ad is deeply patronising.

Almost certainly

The Gillette advert.

"42 patents....."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but we're supposed to think that means that each shaver/blade has 42 inventions, but this probably means that they had to have 42 patents to cover the product internationaly. So there may actually be only one thing innovative about it.

And why have they been adding one blade at a time every few years. Just put in ten blades and get it over with.

One thing I find silly is the slim-fast ad. Where some woman is talking about how she is tired of dieting, and is using slim fast instead. And the slogan is "Stop dieting, start losing weight!" And a proclaimer underneath says "only works as part of a calorie controlled program" or in other words, a diet.

And there is some lipstick or shampoo which has a proclaimer saying "tested on 64 women". I suppose they have it there, but personally I would not buy a product with such little testing. So if it kills one in a hundred people, they wouldn't have noticed in the tests.

but then theres good adverts. did anyone see the smirnoff ice one about lyriquid perfection? it was absolutely beautifully expressed. really, they did some quite phenomenally inventive things with the language. didnt make me want to buy smirnoff ice, tho

That one reminded me of use of language in A Clockwork Orange. A bit off-putting really

the sue everyone for everything claims line adverts with a scary looking balif type bloke with no neck almost ordering you to sue anyone using his service.

Going back to my original post - does anyone actually understand the benylin advert =- all I want to know is why neck brace woman causes everyone to cough!!!

CHawke

perhaps she hasn't washed her neck under the brace for some time and the stnch is causing the others in the surgery respitory problems

My personal irritation is shampoo adverts that insist this product make your hair healthier. How if the only part of hair that is alive is the root and the rest of it's dead what exactly are you going to do for it!

And if i see that Pantene advert with that smug irritating individual getting the award again i may be forced to commit an act of violence.

It's all a load of boswelox!

Ah well, the Benyllin advert, maybe the woman has the samne problem as my mum, she has powerful hallucinations and partial paralysis if she uses it. Real trippy stuff apparently with all sorts of weird things around her.
So either
a) the woman with the neck brace has taken some of this medicine and is hallucinating the rest of the advert
or
b) Everyone else has taken it and is partially paralysed so they start coughing when she enters in the hope she will notice them and help them. However, the medicine wears off and they can all rush out the waiting room and into the toilet.

OK, I'll take it on (hook, line and sinker and all that)...

It's not the woman they're all coughing at. It's the fact that the doctor comes out of his surgery. The coughing is supposed to imply "look how ill I am! Far sicker than everyone else here! Treat ME first!".

The woman with the neck brace is the only one who doesn't have a cough.

The subtext is "if you're a complete hypochondriac malingerer who bothers their GP with the slightest tickle in your throat, take Benylin".

Just had a thought. I've never seen 'Shake N Vac' and I've never seen anyone use it.

Mmm - does the Doctor come out before the coughing? I'll have to watch carefully next time.

Oh, NorthernBoy, I can understand what you say about hair being dead so why does it need "nourishing" but isn't this the same as, say, leather, without "leather food" it soon dries out and cracks?

CHawke

This perhaps is true although it's probably just the way it is worded that irritates me.

This hare's not dead! I know a vet who could cure that!

I'll get me coat

"And if i see that Pantene advert with that smug irritating individual getting the award again i may be forced to commit an act of violence."

I swear she has five o'clock shadow. She looks very mannish.

"The ones I hate are "proven to give a 37% improvement in the radiance of your hair" ... where did I leave my hair radiance meter?"

I heard that when they claim something like '40% more shine!' What it actually means is that 40% of people who tested it thought their hair was shinier.

Or, to put it another way, 60% of the time if does cack all.

Or, to put it another way, 40% of the women who tested it demonstrated the placebo effect.

If this is the case, then I find it incredible that advertising standards doesn't come down on them like a tonne of bricks. Surely someone somewhere has a rudimentary understanding of statistics?

I quite like the advert with the young Indian bloke who turns a 1950's design locally made saloon into a Peugeot 206 with the help of some municipal masonry and an elephant.

There are two issues here:
Firstly there IS a guy in India who takes run-of-the mill cars and turns them into replica high end sportscars.
Secondly I have a theory that; instead of a pristine, polished to perfection, brand new 206, the ad men were given a car that looks like it was owned by the Transport & Road Research Laboratory (who do crash testing). "There you go, let's see you make a decent advert with that one."

Anyone remember "Lipsmackingthirstquenchingacetastinginnervatinggoodbuzzingcooltalkinghighwalkingfastlivingevergivingcoolfizzing...thingy"?
I wish I didn't.

F