h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, you never know. Although it's more likely to be a typo by somebody rattling out a message too quickly.

I was that somebody ladies and gentlemen.

Apparently there's this grocer who supplies the whole of his town with the many essential ingrededients for a healthy lifestyle. Said grocer pops his clogs, town goes ballistic - sends little children to tease him. They'll be sorry .............


t's Sunday morning, bright and clear,
lovely flowers decorate a marble square.
People cry and mourn away, think about the fateful day,
Now they wish they'd given Jack more affection and respect,
The little children, dressed in black, don't know what's happened to old Jack.

Grocer Jack, Grocer Jack, is it true what Mummy said,
you won't come back. oh no, no.

Well, there is one lyric from Shakira that probably won't win awards. But I think I prefer her to do them badly herself, rather than get some fancy producer somewhere to do it.

Lucky that my lips not only mumble
They spill kisses like a fountain
lucky that my breasts are small and humble
so you don't confuse them with mountains

This one's not even a lyric. In Coldplay's 'Clocks' (which I quite like), there's a bit when the song's all set up for some Bono-style uplifting lyric about the human condition/world peace/global justice etc. The line that follows?

'Singin', ooo-ooo-ooo'

Total pish. The tosser's got nothing to say!

Oh, c'mooon! You *can't* like Coldplay!

What really qualifies them - for all of their songs - is that it's meant to be deep, meaningful shit. It's not, though. It's trite, vapid tosh. That's fine if you're writing throwaway pop - but they expect themselves to be taken seriously...and people fall for it!

"Well, there is one lyric from Shakira that probably won't win awards.[...]
Lucky that my lips not only mumble
They spill kisses like a fountain
lucky that my breasts are small and humble
so you don't confuse them with mountains"

I'm reliably informed by someone who speaks Spanish that that lyric, which to the English speaker just sounds bizarre and surreal, is actually a very clever bilingual pun on the fact that in Spanish the word for "mountains" is the same or very similar to a slang word for "breasts".



Many of my own suggestions have already been mentioned.

I do think there are two categories worth separating here: terrible lyrics in otherwise good (or at least not bad) songs, and terrible lyrics in even worse songs.

E.g. bad lyric, good song: "Wonderwall".

Bad lyrics, worse song: "Never been to me".

SoRB

If you *read the post*, Ed, you'll see I said no such thing. I do like Clocks though, cos the piano bit's good.

<>

Yeah, that was kinda what I was getting at. 'Singin', ooo-ooo-ooo' does kinda give the game away.

Yeah, that Piano thing in Clocks is really cool. Otherwise they are just making bland music that thinks it's deep.

I was basing my assessment on Clocks.

(SoRB)
>>E.g. bad lyric, good song: "Wonderwall".

NooooNooooNoooo. It was all downhill after Definitely Maybe. Although I like the fact that one of their recent singles is a direct copy of 'Streetfighting Man' I'm all for plagiarism. It was good enough for The Beatles, who ripped off the piano part in Lady Madonna from The Humphrey Littleton Band.

"I'd Rather Have a Beer in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy "

-The Allman Bros.

I'm convinced that if you take all of the individual musical parts of every Beatles song, you could stick them back together and get every Oasis song, without much effort.

Honestly, there's nicking bits of songs, and there's just not bothering to write anything new at all.

I 'ate 'em

Then there's that Oasis tribute band...they ripped off all their stuff from The Bootleg Beatles.


Seriously, though...The Beatles did a helluva lot of 'quoting' - especially of R&B.

Forgive me if I missed this one in the backthread. It just has to be here already somewhere, doesn't it?

'Badge' - co-written by Clapton and Harrison, both of whom should have known better :

Thinking 'bout the times you drove in my car.
Thinking that I might have drove you too far.
And I'm thinking 'bout the love that you laid on my table.
I told you not to wander around in the dark.
I told you 'bout the swans, that they live in the park.
Then I told you 'bout our kid, now he's married to Mabel.

Edward & RF - I absolutely refuse to apologise for liking Coldplay. Nice sing-along tunes and a very cute lead singer. What more could an old guitar-band loving letchy-old-lady like me want?

I would nominate every lyric by Oasis. If I could be bothered.

Speaking of the Beatles:

Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes

What is this nonsense? Sounds like a porno script. Who's Penny on weekdays is what I want to know.

Joan was quizzical
studied metaphysical
science in the home

Well, I think that's even beyond a rhyming dictionary!

I've often thought that the lyrics were chosen more for the sound than the meaning with lots of songs

someone back in the thread mentioned the Sam Brown tea thing - but that's just a singing exercise

the really bad lyrics are the ones which think they are sooooo clever but are really just piddle.

Most New Romantic stuff, for example...

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise,
But I've never been to me

(Exploring, Subtle whoring?)

I'm sure "Badge" was written with Harrison's tongue firmly in his cheek. Even Spinal Tap couldn't match those lyrics.

Here's one I heard on the radio this morning, which I'm sure is serious:

"...I love you baby like a schoolboy loves his pie
I love you baby river deep mountain high..."

Altogether now ...

somebody told me/ You had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend/ That I had in February of last year

The Killers

Admittedly the 'February' is an interesting metrical device...but what really annoys me is that you wouldn't say 'I had a girlfriend in February'. A girlfriend is, surely, someone who you're involved with for a longer period of time than part of a month? What you'd actually say is '...someone I dated...'

And I hate the squeaky keyboard hook, too. All very diappointing for a band who are clearly drawing influences from likes of 'The Psychedelic Furs'.