h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I understand you been running from a man,
Who goes by the name of the Sandman.

aaaaarghh!!

I remember Ivor Cutler and his Tales from a Scotch Sitting Room, remember him saying that his family were so poor that they had no toilet facilities and they had to urinate in a sponge and squeeze it out of the window. Anyway, one lyric that unfortunately I find myself singing in times of stress is the following:-

Got to write a classic
Got to write it in an attic

Who were the perpertrators of such nonesense?

Ah, Godley & Creme I believe

'The girls would do it inside the sideboard'

and your lyric suggestion is ?

Godley and Creme, as the songwriters in 10cc, were also respomsible for the awful 'Dreadlock Holiday' - borderline-racist twaddle from start to finish.

but they also gave us the divinely inspired

God was sitting on his throne the other day
Looking round on a cloud
He was looking for something important to do
Something big and loud

Big bang, big bang
Big bang went the thing that created you and me

I have to just butt in here as I have the top trump of worst lyrics:-

Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord, why don’t we?

Here's a dreadful lyric that I translated into Esperanto, aged about 16 :

Ni ne bezonas ne kerzon,
Ni ne bezonas ne penson kontrolon.
Ne malpalo sarkasmo nel klascambron,
Lernejoj lasu infanjoj solajn.
Lernejoj! lasu infanjojn solajn!
Alia en alia ni estas sola brikoj en la muron.

It's even worse in English!

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>>
Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord, why don’t we?


(Alexei Sayle)
Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson sang about how people can live together in racial harmony...in pianos.


'In this crazy world in which we live in'
(Wings, Live and Let Die)

Hanson? You want to critisize a song written by ten year olds? Have a bit of decency.

**mondegreen alert**

"'In this crazy world in which we live in'"

**/mondegreen alert**

"In this crazy world in which we're living..."

B

'You're free to do what you want to do'
(M-People)
No you're not!

'The only way is up!'
(Yaz and the Plastic Population)
No it isn't!

'The only way is up!'
(D-Ream)
Aye - if you have an honest, competent government!

Wow, yes. And I've been beaten to my thinking about Ironic.

It's hard to beat Des'ree, and Snap's line is certainly top 10. Oh, bl**dy JCBs. I seem to think that in the mid 90's in the space of a few weeks 3 or 4 songs talked about "missing you like deserts miss the rain", or needing or something.

I've always disliked "took my chevy to the levee" Although I don't know how to spell levy. And in fact, ALL of that song annoys me, but there are quite a few dodgy lyrics within.

Oasis have always had dodgy lyrics. "Cos after all, you're my wonderwall"

Cunningly jumped on by Travis - "radio's playing all the usual, and what's a wonderwall anyway?"


Maybe I'm getting old, but there seem to be a lot of contenders these days: Anything by the current crop of British saviours of music must, by special regulation, have duff lyrics, irritating pronunciation and a complete lack of ability to play instruments well.

Franz Ferdinand.

Oh well I woke up tonight and said I
I'm gonna make somebody love me
I'm gonna make somebody love me
And now I know, now I know, now I know
I know that it's you
You're lucky, lucky
You're so lucky!

Oh well do you, do you do you want to?
Oh well do you, do you do you want to, want to go
Where I've never let you before?


Arctic Monkeys.

What a scummy man
Just give him half a chance
I bet he'll rob you if he can
Can see it in his eyes that he's got a nasty plan
I hope you're not involved at all

And the way it's whined too. Guaranteed to have me changing the radio channel.

I think we need to have categories for awards:

Worst lyric
Worst emphASis
Award for most use of rhyming dictionary
Worst lyric by someone that should know better
Most misinterpreted lyric

Anyone?

Most misinterpreted? Well - given John Lennon's bank account and his wife's venality, it has to be:

Imagine! No possessions!

Missing you like the desert miss the rain is by Everything But The Girl. I though that was a nice little metaphor.

If it had been the only one at the time. I'm sure there was a Cathy Dennis one and someone else too.

>>Hanson? You want to critisize a song written by ten year olds? Have a bit of decency.

I'll say it again...mmmmBop is a fine song. Bubblegum at its best.