h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Points out, after a long, embarrasing pause, that umpteenth base is clearly in the other direction. Wonders if there are any teams today, and stands behind the Protection Wicket just in case.

* for her trusty Calvinball *

*gives her ringing battlecry: FOSNOCKS!!!*


*spurs her towards the 27th yardline, hoping to score a randomly generated touchdown*

but at the last second, my trained invisible gofer pops out of the ground and touches your with the anti- flag, so you have to go to the left field jumping line instead

*crashes to the ground, watching her disappear*

S**T!

*picks herself up, grumpily limps off towards the left field jumping line*

and as she limps, I burst out running, wind in my hair, shouting "wally wally bing bang bong!" and make a mad dash for the supreme goal tree.

*ranger, in no mood for such frivolity, pulls out her Super Soaker Water Gun and soaks Jester smack upside the head, mid-dash, knocking HIM to the turf long before he reaches the supreme goal tree...*

Little does ranger know that she's in a no super soaker zone, that will cost her a five point penalty

OK, fine.


*lobs a Grenade of Derision at Mr. Jester, causing him to cringe and hunker in humiliation*

the force of the grenade flings me through the air, smack dab on the supreme goal tree! H points for me!

*grumbles obscenely*

FINE! *plants the sticky-wicket in the double point zone, scores 4!*

I return from my 6 hour trip to the bizarro world, where I scored 5 billion bizarro points, which count double here.

*Returns from, um, 24 times 9, carry the one, uh, 216 hour trip to Honduras, which scores no points, but makes for interesting stories*

*Leaves the Protection Wicket behind and makes a dash for the Buffet Table*