h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was telling my colleague that I was mortally offended once when an old tutor insinuated I was on drugs (Yegads!) Because I was tired but jumping around like a loon all the same

I then thought about what a silly phrase 'mortally offended' is, I mean, have you ever offended somebody so much they've died on the spot?!

Tutor: Why are you tired? Too much pill popping last night eh?
Me: *Urk*
Tutor: Oh dear!

Any other phrases that spring to mind as silly when taken literally?

Q

Strange coincidence, I was going to post on another thread something which included the phrase 'effing and blinding'. The effing bit I understand, but running round and poking peoples eyes out, that's just plain bizarre!

Doesn't the expression 'Gor Blimey' come from 'God blind me' or something..? That might be where the blinding part comes from. Or I could be talking gibberish

You're right Danny- the 'blinding' is from 'God blind me'- so the 'effing and blinding' is swearing and blaspheming.

How about "daft as a brush", or "bright as a button", "cool as a cat", and I'm sure there are loads more.

"F*** off!"

"Well , here? In the street? Do I need to ask a stranger to help?"

Doesn't that come from 'Go forth and multiply'?

Q

Well are cool. But who said a button can't see, aren't the holes called eyes? And to be frank (quick gender swap) you really could be quite insulting to brushes there, it might take great offence and find a tangle! Although if you said it so fiercely as to mortally offend your brush, you'd have no fear of tangle related retribution...

Q

`Bright as a button` means shiny like the brass buttons on military uniforms from yester year. Nothing strange about that.

'...you want to have your cake and eat it!'.... ... well yes. What else am I supposed to do with it? Employ it as a novelty hat?


Always gets me that one....

Surely this one means have (ie keep) your cake as well as eating iT

"Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" ... so you're speaking from experience there I take it? Perhaps to get a more up to date reading I could poke you in the eye with this sharp stick right now ... you never know, your feelings might have changed and you might enjoy it more ...

and of course the infamous..
"Look at the speed their going, they won;t get there any faster"

My mum actually said that to my dad. He was speeding to get to the chip shop before it closed and Mum actually said "Why are you speeding, you'll not get there any quicker!"

yes yes... and then what happened?

I think that mortal offences tended to end in duelling, so it wasn't always the offended party who died!

Otto

Further to "Effing and Blinding", I have also heard the phrase "Effing and Jeffing"...whatever is Jeffing?

Er, calling someone Jeff?

"you....you....you Jeff, you!"

A redneck friend of mine used to report on the weather: "It's colder than a well digger's ass in January."

Which prompted questions like, "How many well diggers' asses have you checked?", and, "What are they like in November?"

And the phrase 'to give someone a b*ll*cking' must conjure up odd images to those not used to it.

Why would they be cold? Wouldn't the well shield their delicate rumps from the wind?

When it's as cold as a well digger's ass in January, is that colder than being cold enough to freeze the nuts off a brass monkey?