h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Two, for now:

When you try to download a song, and it doesn't tell you you've got the live version, when what you wanted was the recorded version, so that you could get a feel for the artist and be blown away by the live version later.

Any Eurovision entrant. Especially Jemini. I read a really good article about how the entire of Europe should unite under the Eurovision standard. But for that to happen it has to become less SH1T! What I would do is, go and see a small but unsigned band, one that's still on the pub circuit. And that is not pop.

People with more than ten items in the ten items or less que at the supermarket.

Grogging in the street, and leaving slimy mucus on the pavement.

Smoking on busses. Fat bus drivers using their mobile phones while driving.

Boyfriends that snore.

Girlfriends (but only when our time together is up). I just can't resist hating them.

Here's another one:

The fact that manufacturers are forced to put warnings on packets of nuts that say 'May contain nuts'.

I mean, come on. What happened to common sense and personal responsibility?

I liked the one on a Korean kitchen knife: "Not to be used in children".


Teachers who take great delight in confusing pupils more than actually helping them learn. An example is a book on grammar I have where the tests have questions featuring cases that have not been explained in the text. Grrrrr.

The best thing about packages of nuts that say 'may contain nuts' is that as it's only may, that means that there are some packs of nuts out there that do not contain any nuts. Given the diminishing amount of food put in the packet, and the increasing surface area of the packaging, this is getting closer and closer to the truth.

yeah, but is anyone with a nut allergy going to order a bag of nuts on the off chance that it is false advertising?

My petty hate today is trying to read teletext on a telly with a bad signal. It rball$ wifds mmmmme up"£4

Nope. So why not change it to "Contains nuts"?

That would be too obvious, now, wouldn't it? Besides, the companies like to keep the customers guessing--there's nothing like that feeling of holding a package of peanuts and wondering, "Will there be nuts in this one? Will there be nuts in this one?"

My favorite was at the dessert table in my school's cafeteria. There was a HUGE bowl of nuts with a nice little sign saying "Warning, may contain nuts and oils." I wanted to steal the sign but didn't. It's funny because when they have cake or brownies with peanut butter icing they don't always put up the sign to actually be a useful warning.

I have a theory: the little signs or notes on the packages are not actually referring to the contents of the package. Rather, they are referring to the people who work at the companies that put those notes on their packages.

Yeah. I'd like to see a warning on crisp packets "May contain spiders legs".

That's what some of the little black bits in the bottom of the bag are, you know.

I never eat them . Just goes to show.



Actually I've never seen any black bits at the bottom of crisp packets.

That's either good or bad, depending.

I think it's probably good. Well, I hope so anyway.

Another one: crumbs.

My dislike of this is twofold. Firstly there's the dislike of those little bits of biscuit or toast that fall everywhere, especially if you're eating something in bed whilst reading, and the crumbs fall about you and make the bed all itchy. And when you're eating a roll or something and it all flakes about you, or onto the carpet when watching TV or something.

Also the expression 'crumbs'. It just seems to me a bit feeble. If it's annoying you that much, have a good ol' cuss. If it's not that important, grunt/grin and bear it.

What is grogging?

Don't know. Drinking grog, perhaps?

Drinking grog?

Grogging is chundering, Saying hello to Huey on the big white telephone, splashing your cookies, Yodelling your lunch, blowing chunks.

You know, kissing your breakfast bye-bye, making way for the mushrooms, doling out the diced carrots, technicolour yawning.

Drinking grog

Oh. That. Euch. Also known as a technicolour yawn?

I've always assumed grogging means spitting.. must just be me