h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Everyone knows that when doing the laundry an uneven number of socks usualy comes out. So what exactly happens to those socks which dissapear? Do they go to sock heaven or what? And why do they dissapear anyway?

I don't know the answer - but I have a cure. No magic though. I just buy lots of socks the same, and never pair them up (not that I'm lazy or anything) and never count them. As long as I have at least 2 socks clean (again, no mention of laziness, please), I am happy and my feet are warm. My socks become lost at about the same rate as they wear out, and when I need to I just go and buy a whole lot more.

I think this plan confuses the Secret Sock Snaffler too, but have no numeric evidence to support this (see above).

J

Alternately, you could just get used to wearing two different socks. You can get to be quite popular, and people often even look forward to seeing you every morning, just to gawk at the latest combination you've come up with!

I did come up with a theory that the missing sock phenomenon is all to do with evolution and the promulgation of sock genetic diversity. This theory is expounded upon here:-
http://www.stephenbalchin.easynet.co.uk/socks.html

Alternatively, it might be down to mice...

OK - the socks dissapear (or one from each pair to be exact) -
but then I find unknow nickers in the laundry in stead! I have found out that for every four socks
is converted into a underpant no-one admits ownership of!

Is this only happening in my house or is there more strange underware than we think?

Strange underwear shows up in my laundry too...and once I stayed in a hotel with a large group of people for only three nights, and when everybody packed up there was a pair of men's briefs and a pair of _trousers_, for god's sake, that nobody would claim. Yikes.

in my house, there are three females. we all wear each other's socks anyway. so, we have devised this little thing that we call the bucket-o-sox. we put all of the females' socks in a laundry basket and when we want socks, we just dig thru it untill we find a pair that matches.

The dissapearing socks die, and go to the heaven for socks.
You've probably noticed how socks tend to fade away, often starting on the heal, or in the front, where your toe grows through the sock. THIS is killing the socks. Sometimes new socks dissapear too, this is because they committ suiside.

What makes them commit suicide?

Hm... maybe the owner have smelly feet?

The easy (and eminantly sensible) way to not lose socks in the washing machine, is to put one sock into each pocket of your trousers. Or a clever little bag thing that someone could invent. You could call it the sock saver and make a fortune.

If you want to know where they actually go, visit the library and order a book called The Lion, The Witch And The Washing Machine by CS Zannussi. It's all in there.

That'd do it, I guess.

The big problem with the pocket method is that your socks don't get dry then...nor do your pants pockets (as if jeans pockets didn't already take forever to dry). I once tried these specially made sock clips, but encountered the same problem: the part of the sock where the clip was didn't get dry.

Part of the equation that can't be ignored of course, is the size of the feet of the owner of the socks. I recently had to pay a washing repairman $40 to retrieve an infant size sock (which had stretched to large adult male size by the time he was through with it) from deep in the innards of a washing machine that had decided that such a sock would make a nice snack. This answered several burning questions for me:
1) Just where do missing socks go?
2) Just what does the engine of a washing machine look like?
& 3) How do you empty a washing machine that breaks when it is very, very full of water and wet, dirty clothes?

I now try to provide a variety of alternative snacks for my washing machine that won't cause quite so much damage when it attempts to digest them...

Alternative snacks? What kind?

I think those little net bags you put your Persil tablets in are designed as alternative, healthy snacks for your washer. But washers don't find them at all tasty, and generally prefer to nibble on something more crunchy and luxurious, like an underwired bra...

Noone knows why they commit suiside, it might be the smelly feet, fungus, tight shues etc, but has anyone ever seen a suiside letter left by a sock?

I think it is obvious what is going on with the socks. If we take heathen's example of the infant sock it is safe to conclude that socks and washing machines are engaged in an ongoing battle. What they are fighting for I do not know. And because washing machines are so much bigger they usually win and the sock is never seen again. Hundreds vanish in this way. But sometimes the socks win and the engineer must be called out. Your infant sock, heathen, was in fact a kamikaze sock who died an honourable death. You should be proud.

Hey its the Sock monster who gets all the socks.He is a very heartless
creature who also kidnaps knickers and pants.
Sometimes he lets a pair of pants go in exchange of a nice new sock.
I think he has many appendages so he needs lots of socks to keep warm.

This discussion prooves some important issues: It is really scary and dangerous living a life as a sock. High rate of suicides, mysterious dissaperance, unhealthy environment and sockmonsters. Cruel washingmashines and clips and other painful piercings to keep two together against their will. They might look perfect together, but how do they feel about being forced to spend a life as a pair? Nowonder they escapes from time to time.