h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A random trawl through my worst films:

Johnny Mnemonic
Neon Maniacs*
Rambo - First Blood Part II
Raw Deal
Batman and Robin
Plan 9 From Outer Space**
Jaws - The Revenge
The Swarm
Fire and Ice***
The New Barbarians****


* Probably unfamiliar to most of you, but remains seared in my memory as one of the few films I've ever had to fast forward through when watching - something I never do because I'm a bit anal like that.
** Sorry, the 'so bad it's good' mantra doesn't wash - sure, you can pull out all those funny, cringeworthy scenes, but if you try and watch it all, it's just very, very dull.
*** A Ralph Bakshi animation - about the only film where I'm *glad* I fell asleep through part of it.
**** Films like this don't seem to get released any more, but this one played for a week at our town's one, single-screen cinema (although it might have been a second feature to something else). High point: A woman has just been violently beaten in the desert by a gang of nasties, is rescued by the hero and the two are driving in his post-apocalyptic equivalent to a Mini Metro. She's bruised and bleeding. He looks at her and asks "Are you hurt?"

Batman and Robin is probably THE worst film I have ever seen.
Even though Uma Thurman is superfine in it.
...not that thats an excuse!

"Raw Deal"

Even the Stones can't rescue that one. Oddly, that's all I can remember about that film, 'Satisfaction'. Perhaps I drove it from my memory.

Raw Deals main stumbling block is the fact that Arnie plays a small town American sheriff when he's got an accent thicker than my mums gravy!

I think you find you're over egging the pudding there.

You could just ahve left it at;
'Raw Deals main problem is Arnie.'
Which remains the biggest drawback to every film that he's ever made.

Well, when he makes fun of himself he is actually good. Like in Twins.

But I remember in Terminator they mention how they have started using dogs, to sniff out the robots disguised as humans. You'd think huge muscular austrians would be quite easy to pick out without dogs

Oh boy, I had forgotten Johnny Mnemonic. Definitely deserves to be on this thread.

Ronin was awful too, which was a surprise looking at the cast.

I hate this thread, it makes me think of bad bad times.

Frankly Xan the find his comedies less funny than his action pictures, and that is *not* good.

I'd forgotten about Jingle All The Way

Ever get a good look at Junior?


....IDIOTS!!!

Totall Recall would probably have been great if it hadn't been an Arnie action movie.

Originally it was going to be directed by Cronenberg and starring Harrison Ford!

Much more in line with Phil Dick's original vision, that's for sure.
Total Recall is a disaster, and frankly comes in at 11 in my list of worst ever movies I've payed money to see.

I enjoyed Total Recall on its own terms (i.e. as a mostly brainless Verhoeven action movie). Looked at as a PKD movie it's a joke.

Hmmm, sorry, Kelli - I quite liked Ronin. Perhaps that's because it was the only watchable movie on one night last Christmas, sandwiched between slabs of emotional seasonal pap.

Johnny Mnemonic failed to live up to the promise of the (various) books and short stories it was based on, but I loved (some of) the visuals. It doesn't come anywhere near the top of my bottom ten...

Jim, the in me can never forgive "total Recall" for the "inflating Arnie" scene near the end. The gases coming out of the broken windows were mushrooming, which meant they were meeting some resistance. That means that there wasn't a total vacuum outside. Assuming there was one atmosphere of pressure inside the pressure difference was therefore less than one atmosphere... So, any swimmer returning to the surface quickly from about twice the depth of a swimming pool should expand and explode, then...?

The whole science of TR is shot.
Which is acceptable in the context of a PKD story, as he and they were shot with drugs, hallucinations and false implanted memories.
In a linear piece of story telling it's unforgiveable.

The thing about Total Recall, is that it looked dated pretty quickly, IMO.

OK, here goes in no particular order

Neverending Story
Popeye
Jingle all the way
Beethoven
Free Willy
Pearl Harbour
Barb Wire
Waterworld
Magnum Force
Pillow Talk

Are you dissing Barb Wire?

Mars of course has an atmosphere, just not one humans can breath in. And I think if you added atmosphere like in the movie, it would get better. But because of the low gravity, it wouldn't take long then the atmosphere would escape out into space again. And you'd be back to the old sitation.