h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

People! People!! Your not trying here! I read the entire backlog and not one mention of what was truly the lowest of the low, the worst piece of infantile musicianship and simplistic lyrics that ever drilled it's insipidness into your brain through constant air play. If you are too young to have been subjected to:

Terry Jack-"Seasons in the sun"

I truly envy you.

And that #1 song of 1977- Muskrat love by the Captin and Tennille. That was pure crap too

And the worst Christmas song ever had to be "Dominic the Christmas Donkey" Sung by some moron or other trying to start a new Rudolf the Red Nose Riendeer craze and failing miserably.

(Oddly enough "Seasons in the Sun" was written by Jacques Brel.) This doesn't mean that it wasn't bad, just an oddity from such a fine songwriter.

"Born to be Alive" by someone I can't be bothered to recall.
Anything by post-Gabriel Genesis.
"Cheeky Girls" by...... erm the Cheeky Girls.
If Goldie Lookin' Chain aren't meant to be taken seriously why do they bother? Do they refuse their record company advance because "they are only having a laugh?"

Mostly disagree apart from the Cheeky Girls who deserve a mention in any hall of shame.

I think I have to remind people about "The Fast Food Rockers" here. Mention of Des's "Dicky Dum Dum" also brings to mind that dreadful song which starts "England swing like a pendulum do" and then goes on to mention every cockney cliche in the book.

Practically everything from the eurovision song contest...
i know we still watch it, we cant help ourselves...but who among us here has actually gone out and bought the winning single..ever..

if you have and you stand by your decision to do so then fair do's

RF... wasn't it Maria Carey paid off by sony to go away, and now she's back with another album apparantly doin quite well.. she has 'found herself' and written songs about that....

i love joe jackson's Different Girls.. and rolf harris' Stairway to heaven for it's 'tongue in cheek'ness

yep, bin dido and all similar whingers ...i like christina anguliera/maria carey's voices, but not the way they use them to do that yodle type singing..

Terry Jack-"Seasons in the sun"

became on the terraces:

"We had joy, we had fun,
We had City on the run,
but the joy didn't last,
'Cos the bastards ran too fast!"

My candidate: that recent remake of Bob Dylan's "You're gonna make me lonesome when you go" that the radio played to death: over-produced, too Jazzy, too Cleo Laine getting clever-clever with the vocals, too clever by half.

Another one that I'm surprised nobody's mentioned:
"Je Suis un Rock Star" - Bill Wyman

My current worst song ever is 'Fix You', by Coldplay. Seems like the kind of whiny, sentimental little dirge that Kermit should be singing with a banjo while sitting on the stairs, except he might deliver it with a trace of wit, warmth or personality.

>>Practically everything from the eurovision song contest...
i know we still watch it, we cant help ourselves...but who among us here has actually gone out and bought the winning single..ever..<<

Ah, Aybee, we'll have to introduce you to Master B...

I think Susanne's hit the nail on the head with that wretched Lene Marlin song. One of the worst records ever made.

I know they've been listed here but I genuinely quite like 'Je Suis Un Rock Star' - it definitely doesn't sound like anything else. It also scans beautifully: 'Said she come from Rio...lived on a mountain. I met her in Trafalgar Square - she was sitting in the fountain.'

And 'Dick A Dum Dum' - O'Connor masterfully encapsulates the essence of Swinging London - 'I've gotta go ta Piccadilly, got to Piccadilly of a day to do it on...' I also love the joie de vivre in his voice as he sings in the fade out 'Dick a dum dum a dick a dum dum - HEY!'

On the subject of indie whine - I wouldn't say I hate Snow Patrol and their ilk but if anyone else wanted to send them into some abyss where they would never be heard from again I wouldn't try and stop them.

but snow patrol are irish!!!!

you cant send them to the hole..


fek ya anyway mister dreadful. (last weeks antics aboard ship completely forgotten)....

i have been singing that je suis en rock star all bludy morning
and i find i am scarily au fait with the words..

who is master B and what is his affiliation with the ESC..

I have just read the backlog from when I last posted. I have nothing really to add other than to put my hand up and salute the Stone Roses. They got booted about a bit and no-one defended them. Waterfall and She bangs the drums are total classics. I feel someone needed to come along and say that.

Off on a bit of a tangent, but the worst pop video ever made has to be Bonnie Tyler's total eclipse of the heart. A bad song anyway. But this over endulgent, made on the cheap, mid 80's attempt at art is amazingly bad. Small boys dressed as choirboys with lights in their eyes, meaningful over the shoulder looks down from atop stairways and along corridoors positively afog with dry ice, muscle men in tights, flying children, and a lumpy bint in leather trousers. Amazingly bad.

I find that video very scary and bizarre, to be honest. The song itself is just a typical Jim Steinman penned number.

And the only reason I remember "Seasons of the Sun" is this rhyme:

"We had joy, we had fun,
We flicked bogies at the sun
But the sun was too hot,
And it turned them back to snot."

Awful, awful song.

pffffft. i am a tad concerned with the depth of knowledge you have of this video
i do remember it but i would never have been able to describe it with that detail.......


do you worry about yourself??

Honey.. and similar griefstricken dirges just fill me with dread when they come on the radio....

thank god for the IPOD

Nope it has got to be without a shoadow of doubt Leonard Nimoys (he who played Spock in Star Trek) singing the Ballard of Bilbo Baggins ((from the Hobbit)

That has got to be the sadest thing ever...

http://www.juju.org/archives/2002/09/18/leonard-nimoy-sings-about-bilbo-baggins

Ayebee

Master B has been in this thread complaining that everybody hates his favourite tracks.

However, give this F90026?thread=648991 thread, you can imagine why...

Sorry B

I actually like "Seasons in the Sun" - don't all shoot me at once

I don't think you can condemn Leonard Nimoy - as he falls into the so naff it's brilliant niche also occupied by William Shatner whose covers of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and "Common People" are hilarious.

I actually own a split 'best of' featuring songs by both Shatner and Nimoy... every single one is a work of genius!

Hey baby i'm your telephone man
if you tell me where you want it, then i'll put it where i can
i can put it in the bedroom
i can put it in the hall
i can put it in the bathroom
i can hang it on the wall
you can have it with a buzz
you can have it with a ring....

and if you tell me what my number is.. i got a ding a ling


ha ha ha... in yer head now.. init?

The Bonnie Tyler video was directed/conceived by Diane Keaton.

Horrible songs:
Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen ( to hide from Queen fans)
Livin' la Vida Loca - Ricky Martin

It was Mariah Carey who was paid off to quit singing. She had a record deal for a certian number of discs (don't remember how many) and after the first one flopped, the record company paid her off. Pity she's 'found herself'. I had rather hoped she'd stay lost.