h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What about Freudian slips, do they count? They’re very similar to Innuendoes.

You mean like the Queen nearly saying National Hunt instead of National Health during her speech yesterday?

I once asked a sixth form class what the point labelled X on the diagram was and got the answer 'The G Spot, Miss'. Amazingly everyone kept a straight face. I was so proud.

My old religion teacher (very strict devout catholic) was sitting at her desk once when suddenly, for no reason, she shouted out “Sex”. Imagine being in that situation.

I know about these. I had a speech due in a college class on the First Amendment (yes, I am American) and instead of "freedom to SPEAK freely," I came out with "the freedom to FREAK freely." Got tongue tied and was sooo very embarassed.

In my counselling class last night, one of my fellow students was talking very seriously about the 'organismic valuing process'. Or at least, she was trying to, but what she actually said was 'orgasmic valuing process', which sounds much more fun. Amazingly, everyone managed to keep a straight face...

My friend and I were having a conversation once and we started to talk about whiskey. But I kept on accidentally calling it Winkie.

I once managed to say breast instead of best, when accused of making a Freudian slip, I said "that was not a bloody Freudian strip". I gave up.

I have slipped up in a Freudian way before, but the best one I heard was (believe it or not) from my own mother! She was sitting at a computer and trying to find a particular 3.5-inch medium belonging to a guy (called X to protect the innocent) for saving a file to, but what she actually said was: "Has anyone seen X's floppy dick?"

Now that’s an awkward situation!

Not Freudian, but a pretty memorable slip all the same; Trevor Mc. Donald Spoonerising the phrase "Kent countryside" live on the lunchtime news...

This one time, I was talking to this guy I used to like, and he asked me a question. I didn't know the answer, so I replied, "I don't know, I'll have to get back on you for that one." Oops! Luckily, he didn't notice!

Neutrino, I gotta party with YOU!


Set-Up:
I work at a nuclear plant. We recently had what was termed "Diversity Training", in order to enhance our daily working relations. Just some pointers in etiquette and recognizing that your cow*rkers are people, too. That kinda thing.

There is, however, a bit of rivalry between certain departments and this showed through in one of the discussions. One of our I&C (Instruments & Controls) technicians was jibing one of our Chemistry technicians and mistakenly classed him along with the HP (Health Physics) technicians. The other member [can I say that here with a straight face?] corrected some of the 'facts' in the scenario, then retorted:

"...and my HP-ness was never a bone of contention!"
There was stifled laughter all over the conference room...

[Okay, just 'say' it once or twice and you'll hear it the way we did.]

B4ournexttrainingclass

i have called 2 of my exes by the wrong name before

note they are now my exes

stoopid bloody Freud!!

i remember the best slip I heard was when I was at secondary school in a french lesson. my friend and I were usually mucking about, and in one lesson our teacher said " do we know the french for to come?" Needless to say my friend burst out laughing and was promptly kept after class!!
she was told by oyur teacher that she knew how her smutty mind worked !

*has a feeling the good one he has heard may be deleted for legal reasons*

But I had this boss once who REALLY didn't like me, he was TOTALLY homophobic and when he got mad he said the wrong words and that made him even more mad so he stuttered.

exampler senatnce (he was supposed to ask me for a report on a incentive thing)

: - Jack i want you to give me your best today....to-to give give your best work and, look come to my room-office come to my office and lest talk about this- talk about this report and discuss our options- options for the incentive that is not for anything else and then go ask- g-g-go ask Joan to get me dick --R-R-Richard, to get me Richard.

That always made him panic, Richard had shorthanded his name as dick and it made him stutter when he said it near me.

A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.

i know, but it was a vaguely amusing story none the less

like i said, the best freud i've heard is a bit x rated

i think it would have been removed for 'legal reasons'

This isn't really a Freudian slip, more like you can always take something the wrong way (especially when your permament address is in the gutter, as mine is!). My physics professor (picture a cute old Korean) was talking about locating electrons. As a comparison, he turned off the lights in the room and asked, "How could I determine you were there?" The swedish girl in my class answered, "You could feel us." His reply? "Yeah, that would be nice." I could barely keep my face straight after that one...

yeah, intereseting....(!!!!)

people take me the wrong way all the time

but you can guess why, so.....

its not always my fault! People have dirty little minds.....

Cliff from "Cheers"

"a freudian slip? It's when you say one thing when you are thinking about a mother"