h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The long-stemmed dandelion is in danger of extinction. Every time a lawn is mowed all of the long-stemmed dandelions lose their flowers, which keeps them from propagating. The short-stemmed dandelions, however, live to breed. Soon there may be no more long-stemmed dandelions! Act now! Save the long-stemmed dandelion!

Absolutely! I see your point clearly, and will never mow my lawn again.

Excellent. Now to convince all of your neighbors to do the same. (really big scary grin) Soon all lawns will be unmowed, and our dandelion friends will be safe. MuahHaHaHaHa....

But the grass is still sucking up precious nutrients. Why don't we all remove our lawns and replace them with cactus or something? (THAT'LL keep cats from defecating in the front yard! Ah, ha ha haaa!)

Or better yet, Rocks! Big pointy rocks. With spikes and broken glass. That'll fix those danged neighborhood councils! Buahhahaha!

One guy I know wanted to put heat-seeking flamethrowers in his front yard. Observe the idiocy of the idea.

Well, that would make house training the dog a bit more of a challange, wouldn't it? I also think they would constantly seek each-other, which would probably provide nifty pyrotechnic lawn action. I bet that would make the neighbors very irate.(smirk)

Precisely. Plus, once one got going, it would show up on its own heat sensor and continue shooting until it ran out of fuel, as well as starting all the others doing the same thing.

Still, they would keep people and animals off the lawn for a little while. You know what I hate? Those foot high fences that people put up. Ever hit one of those while running through a yard in the dark? Excruciating pain in the shin vicinity. Plus you fall down while running. Ouch.

Ditches are nasty too. Similar effect to a foot-high fence, only you can break your foot instead of shin pain.

If the beautifully decorative dandelion was a rare exotic flower which took dedication to grow it would be seen as a valued addition to a garden - in my humble opinion a lawn with dandelions, buttercups, daisies etc. is infinitely more aestheticslly pleasing than a uniform,excessively trimmed uniform green sward.

I agree with both of you...

How about a noise sensitive alarm so when anyone in the area starts a lawnmower...BOOOMM...or at least ..squelch..or BANG..(I should have stopped about a line ago)...or...

How about something that comes up out of the grass and destroys lawnmower blades? Or better yet, something that drops down out of the trees onto the person mowing. I'd suggest one of those things that's always chasing Sigourney Weaver. THAT would keep people away from the lawn.

You could just plant your lawn with those plants that don't have xylem & phloem. (There's a scientific term, but I forget it at the moment.) Anyhow, they don't grow much above 2 inches, eliminating the need to mow. Alternatively, you could surround your yard with 8-foot fences topped with razor wire.

And who's Sigourney Weaver?

Lichen?...
She's the woman from the movie Alien. She gets chased by slimey creatures with too many teeth that like to hang out in the air ducts of spaceships.

I got it! The term is "nonvascular". Since the plants don't have very rigid tissue, they can't grow very high. Lichen is actually a fungus enclosing an alga, forming a symbiotic relationship.

I've never seen Alien. You probably guessed that, didn't you?

I see you've been paying attention in biology class. So where are nonvascular plants found? Any examples? And it occurs to me that the only way to get lichen to grow on your lawn would be to cover it with stone or wood, since that's what lichen grows on.

As for Alien, you might just have been one of those people who never bothers to remember actors names.
But you should probably try to see that movie. It has turned into one of those pop-culture icon type thingies, and if you saw it I bet a lot of random remarks and jokes would suddenly make sense.

Xylem & phloem are the 'arteries' in a plant which transports food,waste etc up and down the plant.