h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Surely you didn't think the dandelions were just going to lie there and take it?

eople were just walking all over them (haha?)

I'd love to see james bond coping with the dandelion menace.
I can just imagine...

BOND
Stop there! I'm on to you dandelions!

DANDELIONS
hehehehehe! We'll make you sneeze and carry out our devious plan while you look for allergy medicine....

BOND
ATCHOO! ATCHOO! *SNIFF* ATCHOO!

Twelve o'clock, already, Mr Bond, and we haven't even started yet! Bring on M. Bring on Moneypenny, and the entire MI6, we have the answer!

M adjusts the mower as low as it can go, and this new Brosnam chappie takes off his jacket.

-Do you expect me to talk?
-No mister bond we expect you're eyes to be irratated and you're nose
to itch MMUUHAHAHAHA

Bond - You will never sneeze me to death, I am a trained assassin!
D'Lion Leader - We dont want you to die, you worm, just keep sneezing, for with every sneeze you blow our clocks and the race to colonise this measly planet will be won!

lawns are a big huge waste of time. check it: we divert rivers in order to have enough water for our grass to grow, and then we *cut* the grass, and we're mad when it rains, and the grass grows too much, cause then we have to cut it, and who cares? who uses their lawns anyways? my lord.

What is this sacrilege? No lawns! Apart from being home to both long and short stemmed dandelions, they have many other merits, the first few of which that occur to me are:

1) They look nice, especially as a foil to mixed flower borders
2) They are the perfect surface for childrens games e.g. Soccer, Badminton etc.
3) They give the owners something to talk about with their neighbours, thus cementing that complex social interaction that is the suburb.
4) They give the owners something to do, usually the male partner who can be told to go and mow the lawn, thus giving the female partner valuable 'space' for half an hour or so on a sunday morning to contemplate the meaning of life.
5) They provide a home for worms (and thus blackbirds and thrushes), moles, clover, moss, daisies, all types of weeds, dead clothes pegs, beer bottle caps etc etc
6) They provide employment to the many factories producing lawn mowers, hoses, sprinkling systems etc

and that is just the start.


You just don't understand beth, you don't understand.

yeah, cause its totally important to make sure the social structure of the damn suburbs doesnt fall apart! got to keep up that phony cheerful neighbor interaction! (yes, i do live in the suburbs.)

as for playing games, a few well placed parks would be plenty. as for looking nice, and being homes for all sorts of organisms, what about nice wild prarie type lawns. with wildflowers. that'd be pretty, and would not involve the huge waste of time, effort, and resources (water) that is put into the traditional green perfect type of lawn.

What are people's opinions on mutant dandilions? Like the ones with double stalks or funky flower heads?

Next genetic project, organic Astro-Turf...

I suspect that astro-turf is already organic, at least chemically, being oil derived! I think though, in the cause of a cohesive society, perhaps you could make it growing astro-turf, so as to maintain the mowing ritual. No need to grow continuously, just flick a switch on a sunday morning for a centimetre growth, with a few astro dandelions for colour, and maybe some astro moles just for fun.

Why not cover your property with moss? Of course you'd have to genetically engineer some to like full sun!

No genetic engineering required. My lawn is in London, Enland. We don't have full sun here. Ever. Just a pale imitation, a cardboard cutout that floats across the sky for a day or two in July.

'Property' in British English would tend to mean the house as well. I have no philosphical objection to that, unless, of course, you include the chimney, in which case my peat fire would fill the house with smoke causing me to cough. If done at the wrong angle, this would cause me to slip a disc in my fragile back, and I would be carted off to wait in the dank corridor of a hospital, thus catching pneumonia. My spell away from work would cut off my cash flow, and my wife and children would starve to death. Dispirited by the news, I would turn my already weakened carcase to the wall and give up my life.

Thus, you see, your benign suggestion, though undoubtedly well meant, has caused the death of an entire family on the other side of the world. Please be more careful.

I like moss. I have moss in my lawn. At this time of year it is a bright green, contrasting nicely with the yellow dandelions. However, it is very slippery when wet, which it often is. A chap can break his neck hanging out the washing. You see how these things happen. More thought please doubleG.

Sorry, I didn't mean to kill anyone! All's I meant was replace your lawn w/ moss!! Cuz where I am moss is hard to grow. If I have offended anyone with this reply please send all assassins to Chicago.
Becky

I think I've eaten one of those

a becky?it taste like chicken?
h2g2 has systematically killed my family too.I typed until my fingers fell off,my mam walked in,thought I had leprecy and had a heart attack.My dad walked in ,thought I had killed my mom,ran away,I chased him to explain what happened ,but he collapsed,I ran over to call an ambulance,but then I remembered I had no fingers.I assasinated my 2 brothers so I could also say my entire family was killed by my computer.Bill Gates is going down...

I agree about beckys, Mac. They are especially good with Barbeque Sauce.

Sad tale. What can I say, (sh)it happens! Got a lot to answer for, that chap, Gates.

If I ever see him ,I'm gonna open him up (Gate,geddit?...I'll just shut up now..)

That's me! The other white meat!!! (three exclamations to prove mental instability)