h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Dr. Greklas, an alien that resembles the traditional Alien Greys with the exception of his wings and prehensile tail, is busy tinkering on the new engine of his space craft. This organization of mad scientists, while definitely a group with much power, should have better transportation through the Galaxy. While working, he hears a loud noise, as if caused by a blast of ball lightning striking one of the castle's lightning rods. Knowing this to be unlikeley, he snaps his fingers and four robots literally melt out of the shadows*

Greklas-Be on alert until further notice. We're expecting visitors, and we want to ensure that we are....rightfully prepared for them.

*The four robots nod and melt back into the shadows*

*As Dr. Greklas continues working, the alarm system goes off. He quickly runs to a monitor and notes a strange looking space craft hovering not too far from the castle grounds. Dr. Greklas is just about to power up the ground-to-space anti-spacecraft weaponry, when he hears a transmission come over one of his communicators, requesting permission to speak to Dr. Sartasmus. He checks the transmission's indicators, and notes that it is as true as far as he can tell. Although something about the craft triggers a memory. He quickly suppresses it, and turns to the castle-wide communicator*


Dr. Sartasmus! Dr. Sartasmus, please report to the tech wing.


*Moments later, a man wearing what looks like a cross between a lab coat and a monk's robe appears in a cloud of black smoke*

Sartasmus-How can I help you, Dr. Greklas?

Greklas-You've got a visitor.

Sartasmus-*Checking the info* Hmmmm....many have sought my information on the Stone and the Elixir....but you know what, this one seems more like one who would use the knowledge well, not one who would squander it. *Picking up a microphone* PERMISSION TO BOARD GRANTED! Please enter carefully, and land at the launch pad located at the top of the castle where I will be awaiting your arrival. Please don't mind the weapons aimed at you, for you see we are very suspicious here at the castle. It's what comes of being mad scientists for too long, I suppose.

*As Dr. Sartasmus turns off the microphone, he vanishes in another cloud of black smoke. Dr. Greklas simply turns back to his work*

*Dr. Greklas hears a gong. Without a though, he pushes a button on his wristwatch, and dissapears in what looks like a Star Trek transporter beam*

*People teleported here will find themselves looking down the barrel of a gigantic laser beam labelled, "WILL DESTROY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING!" Fortunately, it's unplugged and no one is wielding it. However, it feels as if someone....or something....is watching from a location unseen*

*Thinks: What tha' ?*

*Feels: Eyes watching*

*Moves: Absolutely nothing*

*Waits*

[Yar appears, lightsaber armed and ready.]

[Yar] Hmm ... Running out of characters here ...

*A robot with a body that looks fairly humanoid with the head of an ant (colored a deep teal) simply appears, seemingly from no where. It salutes Witty and YK before changing its saluting arm into a blaster. It makes some vague threatening motions before vanishing yet again*

*A hovering glider, upon which stands what looks like a robotic teddy bear, rises from one of the countless aisles of machinery. It quickly zooms in WM's direction, a saw-blade emerging from the flying machine's front*

*Witty sees the glider heading straight for her. She still remains completely motionless, almost -like. That is, until the gilder blade is but inches away, when she snaps to the floor and rolls beneath the sled and out from behind it. While she is rolling, she sets her nano-gun to machine gun, rolls to her feet, aims at the back of the mechanical bear and lets loose of barrage of fire.*

Take that, Teddy Ruxpin!

*Teddy Ruxpin doesn't take it very well, as he explodes shortly after the first few bullets hit it. As the glider careens wildly, heading in Yar's general direction (by some highly improbable circumstance), the robot materializes again. It seems angered by the destruction of its Teddy Bear and Terror Bat, so it lowers its blaster at the one responsible (Witty). It fires a blast of plasma*

*Anticipating that the blaster fires plasma, Witty recalls the time she googled 'plasma' and came across a wonderful sight for non-tech types called www.plasmas.org. She remembers that plasma can be accelerated and steered by electric and magnetic fields which allows it to be controlled and applied. With lightening reflexes she fires a million watt mega-magneto pulse with a 30 degree deflection factor from her nano-gun and simultaneously crosses the fingers on her left hand.*

I'll bet the rest of the Salonistas have paused for in the graveyard.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is the type of attack evasion tactic that I applaud! That was almost Zeb-like, but less comical.


*The plasma turns from Witty, strikes the highly polished metal of a space ship, and rebounds back at the robot. The robot has just enough time to fade out, allowing the plasma to destroy a wooden crate containging some various computer components behind him. As he fades back in, he seems enraged*

[Yar] Hi there! [slashes at it with his lightsaber]

[Mog, meanwhile, by another highly improbable coincidence, materealizes directly above the robot that's attacking Witty and begins falling.]

[Mog] Yawp!

curtsies

*There are now two glider halves flying towards Yar, but away from each other. He should probably take a step backwards very quickly*

*The robot is about to strike, but it is thrown off balance by a furry, unbearably cute creature falling on its head. The robot reaches for it, intent on hurling it between two dangerous looking electrodes*

[Yar jumps backwards and ducks to avoid it. He's not stupid enough to do another Bullet Time with someone like FACE around.]

[Mog] Yawp!

[Mog gets hurled and hits the electrodes. He glows with a yellow light, and briefly his skeleton is invisible, and then he falls to the ground with a black body and eyes. It's always a dubious advantage to being a character who follows The Laws of Cartoon Physics (A645095)]

*The robot runs at Witty, intent on blasting her at short range*

*Meanwhile, GL has also appeared in the Tech Wing chewing away on a wad of PAG. Seeing the robot heading for Witty, he strikes the "getting ready to run" pose. A sliver blur streaks towards her, scoops her up and deposits her behind the robot. There is no time to re-set the nano-gun, so she aims and fires at the robot's back, unleashing another mega-magneto pulse.*

Thanks, GL, that was quite a ride.

[Yar, faced with no immediate threat, performs various actions supportive of the other party members! Namely, he throws a chi blast at the robot.]

*Witty's blast was enough to cause the robot to collapse onto the floor, causing the chi blast to destroy a crate just behind where the robot was standing*

*As this happens, a second robot materializes, this one with the head of a fish. It looks at the robot on the ground, transforms its blaster into some form of magnetic clamp, and touches the robot on the floor. Moments later, the first robot vanishes, while the second robot seems to melt into a mass of molten hardware. This liquid grows and reforms itself into another version of the second robot, but now roughly two feet taller, with two extra arms, and some form of rocket pack on its back. It also salutes, transforms its saluting hand into a blaster, makes a threatening gesture, and vanishes*

*Another glider rises, though it appears to be carrying a toy-ninja instead of a teddy bear. This glider zooms towards YK as the ninja throws a shuriken at Mog*

*As this occurs, one of the crates bursts open as a rolling sphere of rubber explodes through the front. The rubber dissapears however, revealing itself to be merely a forcefield for what looks like a mechanical beetle. The rubber forcefield reappears when the beetle rolls into a ball, and the large (roughly one meter in diameter) rubber-ish sphere rolls towards Witty at roughly fifteen miles per hour*

[Yar] [stopping the glider with the Force] You guys never learn, do you?

[Mog jumps to the side as the shuriken goes by, and it seems as though it misses him.]

[Mog] Ha!

[He jumps and points, and it now becomes clear that he has become cut in half at the, uh, "waist", I guess, but due to his cartoonish nature, he doesn't notice it and he still has control over his legs.]