h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The ninja easily jumps off the glider, drawing a sword*

Ninja-Force resistant.

*He jumps at YK, preparing to strike*

*The rolling mechanical beetle reminds Witty of the droids from Star Trek Episode One. She starts to ask Yar for help since he is adept in the Force, but she sees he is preoccupied.*

*She notices a setting for Radioactive Dung on the nano-gun, so she quickly spins the dial. She releases several volleys at different distances, hoping one of them will end up under the beetle when it uncurls.*

I hope that thing is related to the dung beetle. Or at least susceptible to pinpoint radiation.

[Yar] [arming his lightsaber] Nice sword.

[He slashes at the ninja's sword, which I'm assuming is metal. Correct me if I'm wrong.]

*The sword certainly seems to be made of metal, as the majority of the blade falls off. However, the blade and the hilt both take on a liquid-like stance as the two portions quickly reach for each other, connect, and reforge themselves into a new sword*

Ninja-Thanks. That robot you saw just a few seconds ago made it.

*The midget ninja throws a cloud of shuriken, and rushes with its sword drawn*

*The bouncy ball lands in one of Witty's piles and seems to be having some difficulties bouncing off. The rubbery force field vanishes, and the robot slowly begins to try and walk out of it*

[Yar stops the shurikens with the Force and send them back towards the ninja]

[Yar] Cool.

*However, by the time the shuriken reach the ninja they have slowed, linked together, and turned torwards YK. They shoot a plasma blast at him before breaking apart and zooming back. The ninja, meanwhile, is practically at YK, sword drawn*

Ninja-You didn't listen, did you? FORCE......RESISTANT! Learn that lesson now, or you won't survive.

*The sword slices*

*Witty is surprised that the beetle is stuck in the dung and decides to take full advantage. She fires a flaming dart at the dung, igniting it and releasing an area of radiation about a meter in diameter, encompassing the beetle.*

*The beetle struggles for a few moments before simply ceasing to move. Just as it got two feet out of the dung*

[Yar throws a chi blast at point blank range]

At the ninja, right?


*The ninja is surprised at the lack of defense towards the sword that is rushing at YK, so much so that he attempts to block the chi blast with his sword. He isn't quite strong enough to hold onto the sword, causing it to absorb the blast and be hurled straight into his chest. The ninja begins sparking and quickly explodes into a small cloud of shrapnel*

*The second robot appears once again, two of its arms (one left and one right, the ones on the bottom) have transformed into lazer blasters. He fires two lasers at YK while rushing at Witty, intent on strangling her*

[Yar blocks the lasers with his lightsaber. (Hey, it worked for Luke, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Anakin, didn't it?) He doesn't manage to try aiming more than two of the lasers back at the robot, though.]

*Fires a mega-magneto pulse at the robot, hoping to fry its operating system.*

*Fortunately for Yar, this robot is staring intently at Witty, not even considering what his actions are. The two blasts strike the robot, causing him to simply collapse to the floor*

*Two robots similar to the first appear, though they respectively have the head of a tiger and the head of a jackal. They both focus on the gigantic monstrosity of a robot that Yar had no trouble with whatsoever, and absorb equal portions of it, resulting in two versions of the same robot. This robot vanishes*

*Moments later, a box bursts open and what looks like a toy bull (though a bit larger than a normal bull) appears, its stainless steel horns glittering. This bull charges at YK*

*Another box bursts open, and an orange bouncy ball bounces out. This force field drops, revealing what looks like a robotic skull with spider-like legs. The legs bend over backwards to create a form of spherical shell around the skull, and the orange bouncy ball force field reappears. This bouncy ball bounces three times, and bounces disturbingly quickly towards Witty*

*Another glider rises out of a distant aisle, and on this one stands what looks like a toy soldier (modern military sergeant, not classic tin soldier design). As the razor-tipped glider flies towards Witty, the soldier throws a grenade in YK's direction*

Sorry, Witty, missed your post there. I'm going to assume that the EMP hit it as well, just for the fun of it.

[Yar catches the grenade and tosses it away, then jumps over the bull and stabs his lightsaber downwards.]

[Mog, meanwhile, catches the grenade in his mouth. He inflates to over twice his usual size for a second while a muffled BOOM is heard. Then he reverts to his normal size.]


[Pull back to reveal that this is being watched on a TV by Bulma and Vegeta from DBZ. Somehow I'd like to indicate that it's a tape they're watching, i.e. an episode from a TV series.]

[Bulma] Hey, didn't he get cut in half before?

*Witty puts herself directly in the path of both threats, like this:

[WM]

She dials Anti-Grav on the nano-gun and waits, -like, until the the bouncy ball and the glider are but a few feet apart. She flexes her knees, fires the gun at the floor, and performs a triple back flip that lands her on her feet 25 feet away.

She hopes that the bouncy ball and glider collide.*


Affy, were you watching the film Toys with Robin Williams when you dreamed up this scenario?

*The mechanical bull is hit exactly where its robotic spine is, causing it to fall apart and have a great deal of candy fall out*

*The bouncy ball lands just on top of the glider, causing the glider (and the sergeant on top of it) to careen madly into a nearby crate, both broken beyond repair. The bouncy ball would probably be alright if it hadn't hit a light fixture above. Due to the ridiculous amount of electricity that mad scientists use for even commonplace items, the bouncy ball is fried to a metallic crisp before landing on top of a robot made entirely from Legos that was just coming out of a box. Both the bouncy ball and this brand new robot are destroyed beyond repair*

*As this happens, the two giant battle robots appear, and gaze at each other. The two jump at each other, and begin to merge. As this occurs, every broken robot and machine from the preceding battle fly through the air, intent on merging as well. The result is a monstrous twenty-foot tall Warrior Bot with superb looking body armor, simply bristling with drawn weapons that are ready to fire in every direction, and enough eyes watching to ensure that attacks from any direction will be seen. The teleporters of the four robots must still be functional as it simply vanishes, reappears right behind Witty, and raises its foot to stomp*

*However, it stops before it can take any action*

*The robot stands perfectly straight, as if at attention while receiving orders from a superior officer*


Actually, I've never seen toys.

The design of Dr. Greklas' lair is a result of two coinciding symbolic factors. First, Dr. Greklas is the master technician capable of engineering nearly anything from nearly anything else. Second, he's the most evil of the five mad scientists while staying the most sane (with Dr. Harvey being the least evil but the most insane). It is natural that a master engineer couldn't resist the challenge of creating warrior robots from toys, and his sinister, truly dark nature enjoys the thrill of changing something sweet, pure and innocent, such as children's toys, and altering them to become objects of malice, mayhem and destruction.

Nah, just messin' with ya. After including that first teddy bear, I decided to stick with toys for some reason because it'd require less imagination on my part. But I was telling the truth about having never seen toys.

*The robot points one of his many, many weapons at a crate and blasts it. Standing where the crate was there is now a strange looking device that is labelled "Emergency Teleporter To F125887?thread=282313 For Dire Situations"*

Robot-Council Members! An unforseen event has occurred. The great daemon Trinstar has escaped, and I have been instructed by my master Greklas to escort you to the safety of that teleportation device that will lead to the Dungeons of Dr. Harvey. Hurry! If the daemon reaches the Philosopher's Stone then the Dungeons will be the only safe place on the castle grounds!

[Yar] Uh ... okay. [steps onto the teleporter]

[Mog] Wait for me!

*Takes GL by the hand and steps up to the teleporter.*

Looks like we don't have any choice in the matter. Here we go.