h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't use any western eating irons like knives or forks, or anything that could make eating the curry any easier on you. Instead get a wodge of naan bread (note the double 'a', making it sound much more foreign and exotic than what it really is - bread that didn't work properly) and use the bread to scoop up loads of processed cow carcass and flavourings. Alternatively you can open tha naan up and make yourself a curry sarnie.

Eating a curry sarnie is cool, but why bother with bread when you can wrap it up in pastry. Yes, I am talking about the humble chicken curry pasty, a delicacy few know about but is set to take the world by storm. Often found in small out-of-the-way bakeries, we believe perfection has been achieved in a small shop in Brighton.

Of course neither of you have mentioned the most vital ingredient to eating curry - at least in the North East - 15 pints of lager before going to the Indian

Whilst teaching in an Indian school, I came across a fantasic note in the staff room to ensure that the staff made sure that the boys were "exercising correct table manners". It went as follows:
"Indian preparations of chicken should be eaten with the fingers to prevent sudden and uncontrolable flight". Wise words indeed.

only the thumb, the index and the middle fingers should be used in manipulating the food (naan + meat + curry)
care should be taken to see that the curry does not stain more than
a third of any finger. the lesser the stains, the more skillful the eater.

for men:
after a good meal it is alright to the lick the fingers, slightly pat the stomach and say 'wah'

I once had a `Chicken Tarka Masala` Its like a Tikka , But its `otter!!!!!!!

By the way, why are the most popular curries the `chefs specials` always 50% more expensive than the ones no-one eats?? Conspiracy, I think!!!

Why can't we all get along? Why can't we just take a full hand of curry and lick it? Don't you think the world will be better in this kind of new unusual harmony?

The specials usually include rice - they're not so pricey if you knock that off. Of course if you want to go all Balti on us, you won't want the rice anyway...

Not at my local curry house. The rice is extra. So are the Naan (unless you have a balti, which are more expensive again) The one with rice in it is a biryani

I have to say, the curry they do at my local house, the Rupali restaurant in Newcastle, is very very splendid indeed.
And I'm not just saying that because we do their advertising. Oh no.

This sort of dish is known as a 'Balti' where I come from (Midlands). Birmingham is often regarded as the Balti capital of England, 'cos it is said to have more Balti houses than anywhere else. Contradict this if you dare.

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There are so many types of curry, to say "curry is horrible" is like saying "fruit is horrible" - not the kind of broad statement you can make on one sample. You probably tried one which was too hot for your stage of "curry maturity", or a sweet raisiny "school" curry, or maybe just a badly made one.

Check out my Beginner's Curry Guide (P93179) for some suggestions on finding one you might like. It will be worth the effort, I promise you.

I am currently researching into the aim of creating a 'chocolate curry' all my experiments so far have been, well, interesting but i enjoyed them.

When you finally get it right, send me a copy of the recipie.Oh, hell, why not just send me a copy of your experiments so far. I really love chocolate.

It's not such an outrageous idea - Mexican cooking often uses chocolate in a chilli-type dish to make it richer and slightly sweet. From memory I think they call that sauce "mole" (pronounced moh-lay). Try mole poblano (the chicken version) next time you're in a Mexican restaurant!

Mr Happy Flying Lizard,
I am not aware of your racial background, so I will proceed in insulting your intelligence at once.

A Balti is named after the dish in which it is cooked, a smaller version of a wok, made of brass and used to serve the dish at the table, saving washing up. `cos Fairy Liquid isn't cheap, you know!!

BRASS??

Curry bought from a take away should always be left to mature for a day before reheating in a microwave. It always tastes better this way!!

Hi Eric - in Birmingham & the West Midlands (my postcode is B5, if anybody's interested), the balti dishes are actually iron based - there was an academic study to ascertain if balti meals were therefore actually nutritionally advantageous what with the uptake of ferrous wossnames in the cooking process!

I don't know if anybody would also be interested, but if your Balti Restaurant is authentic (for England that is), the proprietors & staff may well be Muslim. If us non-Muslim unwashed People of the Book are to observe good eating practice, we should therefore ONLY use our Right Hand, as our left hand should be reserved for the "morning after" (ie wiping oneself, to put it indelicately).