h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...lived in mortal fear of being dunked in a cup of coffee. Luckily, the plane could use the luminescent green iceberg as a navigational aid, but unfortunately...

....the luminoscity is failing due to the unbelievably large flock of Albatrosses who happened to have alighted on it as their navigational systems seem to have gone haywire and they think that they are really sitting on........

.....A large inflatable Dingo's Kidney. But all was not lost because along came Flatulance Boy, with a mighy Whoosh from his........

huge gaping bowels he relocated the entire crowd to......

a seedy South London bar, where Jack Dee glowered at them over a flat pint. (UK advertising reference)

Fortunately, the video director needed some new Penguins; Unfortunately it was for....

...The latest installment of the Porn/thriller "penguinator -This time its seriously gettin out of hand" but just as that happened....

Jack Dee jumped up and demanded that someone get him a pint of John Smiths immediately.......but John Smith was rather annoyed by this presumption that he was going to provide a pint of anything,least of all........

in the presence of so many wet and smelly penguins. As luck would have it, however,...

...A large dose of creamy head (on the pint), but not put off by his lack of pulling power he left to try and pull....

...A large dose of creamy head (on the pint), but not put off by his lack of pulling power he left to try and pull....

on the stroke of midnight he turned into a pumpkin and the penguinmobile screeched to a halt at the door of the pub, unfortunately...

[Not to be overly pedantic, but this it the most puzzling game of GNBN I've ever seen. All the declarations squish together, and it doesn't seem to be alternating clearly between good news and bad news. Here's the format I usually see:]


Bad News: Unfortunately, Penguinman's sidekick, Puffin, was underage and not allowed inside.


[Next person would follow up with "Good News: blah blah blah", and then "Bad News:" again, and so forth.]

The penguinmobile got a flat tire about half a kilometer down the road.

Good News: He actually didn't know how to drive, so all those people travelling along the iceberg could go about their business in safety.

Bad News: however the iceberg is shortly going to be hit by an asteroid responding to.....

...information from British Millitary Intellegence (CIT),but as there radars didnt work properly they tried to ..........

(I am not sure if the last one was good news or bad news, but it seems that it was a good news slot, so the following is a bad news.)

...guide the whole process with an extremely complex set of pulleys, levers, chains, and ropes. The man monitoring the system had a large network of mirrors to see when the asteroid passed certain check points. At this instant the arch-villain of Captain Marvel had seen fit to unleash his newest scheme. A giant sonic device blasted out all of the windows in London also smashing all of the mirrors that CIT was using. The technichian in charge of monitoring the system panicked and...

suddenly realised that he could always turn up the sonic oscillator
3 more notches.This would counteract the effects of........

....A large Bowl of Evil Petunias, that had accidentaly slipped thru a black hole, from a small house some where outside of Camden. thankfully though........

...RiffRaff had been right about the format all along.

Bad news: Nobody seemed to take a blind bit of notice...

Good news: The huge anal cloud which originally blew the penguins off the lemon/lime iceberg (episode #38651) had now blotted out the sun, slowing down the nelting of the aforementioned iceberg (episode #1283)