h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Good News: The death hype thing worked a treat and their album sold by the shedload.

Bad News: Ronan Keating then expressed an interest in collaborating with them on ...

Not often I admit that I am wrong. Always thought Penguins were amongst the most Stupid creatures on this planet, Whoops! Mankind takes the 1st prize again....

(Mankind IS the most stupid creature, due to the effects of The David Icke Constant, which I have discussed elsewhere)

Which of course bright penguins don't confuse with the Dan Quale syndrom

...but 4 out of 5 penguin psychologists tend to disagree with this hypothesis, providing compelling evidence, such as "I say so!" and other such statements. After collecting their consulting fees, the lead a massive exodus of legally deceased penguins to the new Arctic Club Med. There, the penguins met with another musical artist, who, after spending about 5 years dead elsewhere in the universe, continually whined/griped over a certain situation at a restaurant called 'Milliways'. The penguins, desperate for removal of this whiner/griper of a simple case of grand theft starcruiser decided to violently...

... go back into time to the Big Bang Burger Bar and simply stop the universe from having been created.

Good News: This plan was thwarted by...

assualt the dead pop star with an attack of killer bees they had surreptitiously smuggled in with them.The killer bees,however,had other ideas......so the bad news was that they.....

Arghhhhh!! Sorry Wowbagger!! Out of synch again huh ;-(

so this has to be good and bad.
well they were thwarted by the penguins manager who said they had to record a track for the new scream movie.....the good news is.....

...they only had two weeks to live and thusly could not do the song for the upcomming scream soundtrack. The penguins had been diagnosed with....

flaky chocolate, which everyone knows is a sign of an old penguin indeed.

Anyway,.....

Two people mysteriouly appear out of nowhere with a twinging metalic noise and some blue light. "This isn't Risa..." the short blonde human says to the darkly handsome tattooed man and they both dissappear the same way they appeared. Leaving behind two black and red uniforms........

...but taking the penguins with them. And thus we embark on a......

...fresh series of cliches. The bad news was that I couldn't figure out how to put the accent on the "e", the good news is...

That they materialised in the middle of the 1999 England V's New Zealand 4th test match. After one of the penguins in advertantly deflected away the ball, from which (in the original version of history) Micheal Atherton was dissmissed by, England went on to record the victory. thusly not making them the worst Test side in the world. the bad news however....

For followers of English cricket is that they were comprehensively dispatched by the mighty team from New Zealand.

Penquins line the streets of Auckland to welcome the lads back to the South Pacific with a ticker tape parade of flying fish.....

.....unfortunately in an attempt to premeturely end this game of "bad news good news" the whole universe ceased to exist.

.....but fortunately (as many people believe) for the universe to stop existing it must first have existed some where. so there fore by the sheer fact that that world just cant stop existing (or otherwise this would open loads more questions as to the existence of God/US etc.) all that actually happened was that one of the penguins bumped his beak while foolishly thying to down a Super7 while standing on hos head.

...Unfortunately, the ho whose head the penguin stood on was from a gangsta group of rapping chihuahuas called the Rancid Bitches of Christchurch who were already mighty pissed at the penguins for keeping their album "No Sleep 'Til Ovaltine" off the top of the charts, so they attempted to off the penguins in a drive-by shooting from the back of a souped up Sinclair C5. Fortunately...

the penguins could out-waddle the C5. right at that moment a space ship landed. out walked a man with a clip board, "Mr bitches...Mr Rancid bitches...of christchurch?". "You are a......

BAT FROM HELL, Actually it was BatMan & Robin - hearing the plight of the penguins whos arch enemy PENGUIN was about to laser the iceburg (the penguins only home) into bubbling hot water. Batman & Robin fought PENGUIN with a battle to the death and .....