h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(and, indeed, slowing down the melting, too...)

....Until the sonar waves from London began to slowly melt the iceberg again, a fact which required Captain Birds-Eye to......

...Defrost a maga-ton pack of fish-fingers. he used the fish fingers too...

...to pack the "warm" side of a heat exchanger, thus chilling and stabilising the iceberg.

The bad news was that the Iceberg, having gained velocity through Flatulence Boy's rump-pumping, was now half a mile up the Thames, and moving upstream fast.

The good news: The night club circut of London couldn't wait for it to come up, as there was a shortage of ice for everyone's drinks.

Luckily Boy George had a late pass from karma central and and with his good friend Marilyn Manson pluckily plucked up the courage to pluck the penquins to safety atop Big Ben.

Alas Big Ben struck one...

In flies Flatulance Boy forgetting that he was wearing his flint underwear (and as everyone know's Big Ben's hands are made of iron). The resulting explosion leveled half of Big Ben and sent the penguins to...

...but luckily the others escaped unhurt. Unfortunately, covered with penguins, and with a fading pop star mounted atop it, Big Ben was mistaken for a...

...an indecent episode of Jerry Springer, on location. a few dysfunctional people with questions became mad at the penguins lack of answering ability and commenced to berate 5 penguins and the pop star, then suddenly, and without reason...

...the teardrop explodes and...

..yet another eccentric name for a pop group was born.....their first attempt at an assault on the top ten charts was,however....

a somewhat mis-concieved cover version of Rolf Harris's seminal "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport...", sung to the tune of Ice T's "Cop Killer".

Fortunately, by a strange co-incidence,

...a cover version of "Good Technology" by The Red Guitars which was doomed to failure by no-one remembering the original, even though it got to Number 12 in the 1983 John Peel Festive Fifty. And yet strangely enough...

a fairly obscure song by *Peters & Lee* broke into the lower reaches of that weeks charts......to be toppled almost immediately by.....

A colony of penguins wearing Union Jack tuxedos

Their 1st song "Where I Really, Really Fish" is a world wide No 1 smash.

Soon they are approached by...

...those well-nkown producers "Spock", "H-Bomb" and "Water Closet". They liked the penguin's sound, and wanted them to do a backing track for the new Kylie single. Umfortunately, it was to be yet another cover version of...

Surfing USA. The penguins suffering from the heat .......

..that all the pressure from the music Biz creates. they decided to fake their own deaths, in an attempt to gain tax exile. although there were many reported sighting of the penguins (mostly london zoo), they managed to take a holiday too......

Suddenly, when they least expected it, the Penguins realized they
no longer existed. As one might imagine, this can be rather
distressing. The Penguins becamse so depressed when they heard the
fatal news that they just fell down in a huge heap. A few days
passed and the Penguins were still lying where they had dropped.
A slightly angry creature called Mr Jones walked past the heap and
decided, as he didn't have anything better to do, to set it on fire.

Good News: Fortunately, the Penguin's vests were made of asbestos, which in terms of bad news means that there may be some severe repurcussions later in their lives.

All the penguins got up and announced that they were dead for a short period of time, but this in fact was a publicity gimmick for their new album...