h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bushy you old , I know what you want, you want me to talk dirty to you, but I am not going to do it because I'm an

Oh that's not fair!! I read on an Internet site that you talk dirty all the time to loads of people?? Why not me ...

Bushy, which we site would that be becaue I never ever talk dirty to anyone but mr magster

There's plenty of them on the Internet just type "dirty potteries rough old boot" into any good search engine ...

Hi Magster Darling
Feeling better today after getting mugged by Customs & Excise at Dover.They said I was slightly over with my allocation of cigarettes and confiscated the lot as well as the van I had hired .Bloody little Hitlers complete with jackboots gave me a right going over and paid no attention to all the asylum seekers flooding in.Yes Bushy, hard luck, occupational hazard I suppose but I've got to eat.

Lew, just how many ciggies did you have and how much of the other stuff too? Do you smoke?

Hi Magster
Only had 50,000 fags, can't see what all the bother's about.Don't smoke myself, dirty habit, I was just bringing a few back for friends. You asked me about my culinary delights, well it's rabbit curry tomorrow and probably venison on Sunday (if I can get a deer) . Louloubelle doesn't sound very happy with her man, I wonder why she asked you about battery operated toys, bet her batteries are permanently flat .

It did, I admit, used to be a problem...however I recently bought some rechargable ones and my life has changed beyond recognition! I have 3 sets, all on a charging-rota so I am prepared at all times...man? who needs a man??

Hi Lou
Those rechargable batteries are very weak Lou, try the gold top durable ones and you will never use any other.Better still tell your old man amongst my other deals I sell Viagra.

Half time England drawing 1-1
Same old crap, same old mistakes, lets hope it gets better in the secomd half. Bring back Paul Ince and the Wolves new signing Teddy Sherringham .

Lou, don't mess around with batteries girl, plug 'em in the mains...your hair will curl
Lew, if 50,000 is the true figure and you do not smoke then I can see why the peeps from C&E might have got a tadge upset with you. Taking the pish or what.
What happens about the van you hired that is now confiscated, do you still have to pay the hire charge?

Only hired the van for the day Magster, I suppose the insurance will pay. I expect they will do a deal with customs & excise. Good idea about Lou plugging into the mains,sure will make her hair curl.Yes 50,000 was right, cost me five grand. Will have to turn my attentions to some of my other money making schemes.Do you know I once had an idea about selling a female acquaintance's used knickers on the internet, if she had been game I reckon we would be millionaires by now. I'm waiting for it to get dark to go and get my tea for tomorrow.

Plugging into the mains is no use to me...besides that fact that my hair is curly anyway...it would restrict movement too much!!!

Lou, why is plugging into the mains no good? As for the curly hair, it justs makes the curls tighter
Lew, WOW again. Five grand hey...you must be seriously loaded my man, to take a loss of those proportions
As to your suggestion about the knickers; 1. you must know some funny people and 2. YUK!

No Magster I'm poor and yes I know some really funny people. I've sold tobacco in a N A T camp (new age travellers) and a gypsy camp, well I've got to eat.

Lew, you are a star Just how many times ahd C&E clocked you through the port at Dover?
By the way, how can you eat liccle bunny wabbits. That's horrible.

Come on Magster sweety talk to me .

C & E could not have clocked me used differet names and hired motors,someone tipped them off.Will have to get my £5,000 back more trips planned next week.

Curried wabbit, woast wabbit, wabbit stew, wabbit stir fry, wabbit fried rice, need I go on.

So Lew, me old fraudster friend, how was Spain?