h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi girls
Nice to see everyone is back from their hols in good form. I've had some very good news on my return to England, a big win on the lottery. Maybe I can pay Mr Magster off and take the Magster on our first date to Molineux before emigrating to sunnier parts. Bet the chopsy cow is green with envy now. Take the warning about Bushy seriously Loulou, if you drop a fifty pence piece don't bend down to pick it up (kick it home). Thanks for the good times we've had on the various notice boards Loulou. I still think of you with affection but I'm afraid Magster is now the only girl for me.

Mr Crow!

I'm sure you and Magster will have a lovely time at Molineux...damn good idea about the 50p piece

Glad to see you're taking it well Lou, had to give you the warning as I know you will bend over backwards to help anyone.

Hhhmm... did I hear you mention lottery winnings Lew? What's your yahoo email? Any chance of being forgiven?!

Don't grovel Louloubelle it's not becoming, you had your chance and blew it girl.Surprising what a lot of money will bring, read my Hi girls message (Magster is the only girl for me) but you could try begging on [email protected]

So what are you going to do with the money then lew am I not a worthy cause???

Don't embarrass yourself anymore Louloubelle, e-mail me for a private grovel

Good evening Lew and Lou. Glad to see you back Lou. Is Scotland as dour and dark as it ever was?
Lew sweetie ...I for got to ask where abouts you had been on holiday. Sorry, very remiss of me but my excuse is that I was so tired last night I could barely see the keyboard. So where do you go?
Now...did I hear something about lottery winnings? If it's a good one, would Sir Jack be keen to hear from you in order that you could buy a toe of some fabulously expensive but terribly good footballer required for new season in newly promoted club to premiership. I still cannot believe it. I used to work at the Wolves donkeys years ago and so they have always been close to heart. Now all I have to do is try to win a season ticket. Winnings in competitions have been quite good recently. Got back from holiday and had won a gas powered BBQ, £1000 to spend at machinemart (power tools etc..delivery tomorrow yippee)a DVD, and some books.
Lew would you like a demo of my latest power tools?

Hi Magster
We have more in common than I thought.I used to pride myself on my slogans, haven't done any for years now though.Won many prizes including cameras, bicycles, money, microwave oven and the usual books and bags. But I lost heart when winning a number of second place prizes to absolutely crap slogans and chestnuts (I presume you know what I mean)and yes I would love to have a demo of your power tools. I did not really go on holiday, but I mixed a bit of pleasure with business in Benalmadena on the Costa del Sol,one has got to eat Magster.Would love to help Sir Jack over at The Wolves,e-mail me with any decent players you think fit the bill and are available.

Lew darling
Hope you are enjoying the sunshine today. I am! Just popped in for a spot of lunch and then back to the garden for me. Doing my tubs today.
I eave the slogans to the magster man because he is far better at that kind of thing than me. I just go for the ones where you have to provide an answer or it is free prize draw.
I shall drop you an e-mail, hopefully later today. I shall send you a piccy too so that you can see what a starvling that Lou woman is. I hope you like a few curves etc on yer wimmin Lew because I have my fair share
and for now

ROFL! A starvling??!!! Well I've never heard that one before! How are the tubs looking magster? I must do mine but have been busy shopping today...buying starvling sized jeans and flipflops!

Hi Girls
Really pushed the boat out today, blew all my lottery winnings on a round of golf and an afternoon in the clubhouse . Sorry Magster Sir Jack will have to wait until the next win. You say Lou is a starvling, bloody good job I gave her the bums rush then as I adore real women with curves like Marilyn Monroe .What do I need a piccy of lou for as I have already ousted her, I would much rather have one of you Magster .

Lew you are a honey Shame about the lottery winnings, I think Sir Jack is going to have find at least 10 million if not more if the WOLVES are to be comfortable. I'll still mail you though because it is the Lew I love and not his money
Lou, you can keep your starvling clothes dear, real men like real wimmin with real curves and bloody big boobs, not something like yerself, just a bit of scrag end. You wouldn't keep a gnat warm in bed at night

A gnat!!!

Magster never mind warm... I was so hot today I nearly melted...curves are all very well..but it is where they are situated that matters !!!

A Gnat

Ha Ha Ha, Yes bloody big boobs thats what we like.Not a chopsy scrag end Ho Ho Ho

Lou, my curves are situated where a woman is meant to have curves; boobs, belly and bottom. My love handles are second to none I am a typical Taurean, I love food and wine and making love in the garden, preferably in that order

Lew baby , if you can cook half as good as Pat can then I will be all yours Just give a little taster of what food pornography you can do

Lying on the bed starkers, put six rings of pineapple on my manhood, cover with cream, and topped with a cherry. That's just for dessert

Lew!!!! I am shocked That is absolutely disgusting
I was thinking more along the lines of what you were going to cook for me and that you would go into raptures describing the content of and how you were going to cook my meal...that is food pornography in my book. Now try again! C'mon , cook us some food for lurrvvee

I had a lucky escape by the look of things!