h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have been on many buses, and all the drivers seem to be very grumpy, unhappy people. They always shout at you, and moan about everything. I think they are a seperate race:
First, they can't actually talk properly, and it is impossible to understand them.
Second, they are very obsessed with money. I've had them ask for exact change when the fare was £1:95 and I gave them £2, so I tried counting out all the small change I had and it came too £1:93, and they still moaned.
Third, they always go when someone is running to try and catch the bus.

Not only do they drive off if they see you running - one once shut the door on me when I was halfway through it after running. Growl, revenge revenge I must have revenge
*deep breath*

OK I'm calm now.

I think they're taxi drivers who have been struck off the taxi driving register for not enough nonsensical chatter and as punishment can never talk coherantly again.

Gargoyle

Probably very true. I've almost been crashed into by buses on my bike several times, plus they've gone through lots of red lights. I even saw one carry on over a zebra crossing when a woman with a pram and two kids was trying to get her family across - not to mention the crashing into keep left signs.
They obviously have a death wish.

Didn't you know the highway code doesn't apply to buses? Or so they seem to think. A death wish for pedestrians and cyclists, not themselves!

I've definately noticed that - having had quite a few near-misses.
I think that they are all evil. They never smile, try to create as many accidents as possible, and do all they can to make life miserable. The grumbles they say are probably satanic curses.

Maybe its not satanism - possibly its a conspiracy and they're all employed by car manufacturers to make public transport a hellish experience so more people will buy cars, thus causing further pollution and, finally, the end of the world as we know it...?

Possibly - but if that was true - why do they do their best to destroy all cars and kill as many car drivers as possible?

Well they destroy all cars so the drivers have to buy new ones, as to the deaths... they do tend to try and kill more pedestrians than drivers.

Unless.. hmm, perhaps they're employed by undertakers or hearse manufacturers?

It's not only car drivers, I was nearly squashed by 2 busses on my motorbike... They were trying to squash me!

Admitedly I had previously wound one of them up a bit, but still!

I think they are just evil and out to get everyone.

Ben - use messenger

Bus drivers have a different set of rules...
1. To work out the fare: first remember what you charged yesterday. Take the square root, and multiply by a random number between 0 and 1. Multply by 10 and square your answer.
2. On encountering traffic lights: Amber has an A for Accelerate.
3. If there's a corner, go round it FAST, hopefully to thow all the passengers on the stairs at the time.
4. Discriminate. Pick a feature you are going to favour today, and be nice only to people who have that feature, and horrible to everyone else.
5. Cylclists are the ENEMY
6. Car drivers are also the ENEMY
7. Pedestrians are also the ENEMY
8. The ENEMY must be DESTROYED at all costs!
~Joanna-who-goes-by-train-or-walking-except-on-Wilmslow-road

The bus drivers round my way are all pretty nice. They actually *smile*, they stop for you if you're running to catch them. They always seem to have change for a tenner or a fiver. They try *really* hard to be on time. They've actually been helpful a couple of times...and they say "bye" to you when you get off.

From what I've read before, this does not seem to be the case elsewhere, or is it just me, being lucky and getting all the nice bus drivers...?

It's you being lucky. Please could you send us some nice ones...?

Things to do: Try out Durham bus drivers, compare and contrast with Wilmslow-Road bus drivers...

Where is said road?

Parts of Wilmslow Road (where it mysteriously changes into Oxford Road) are alleged to be the busiest bus route in Europe. It leads south from City Centre Manchester, past my old house.... miles furthur.... past my new house (both on roads off Wilmslow Road)... eventually getting to Wilmslow, and at some point miraculously transmogrifiying itself into the A34.

Joanna, the nice bus drivers are on either the 220, or the 222 from Sunderland - Durham (and vice versa). That's the bus I have to get every morning to get to college in Durham...and not one of them's been nasty to anyone!

I now feel *very* lucky...

You are indeed very lucky, my friend.
Perhaps there are some humans on buses afterall.