h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was only a kid... what's the point in having a periscope if you don't expect children to look down it... That's like giving a kid a cake and not expecting him to eat it!

LOL (again)

I know what you mean. However, our bus drivers tend to use them to see is anyones smoking upstairs rather than check behind him. If anyone is they stop the bus come stomping up the stairs and shout at them, go back downstairs and carry on. Then the people who were smoking upstairs look amazed and say 'how did he know?' Suffices to say they're not too bright.

They should have conductors to do that.
Part of me feels that the reason drivers ae so grumpy is that they're expected to do two people's jobs and only get paid one wage.
There should be conductors on the bus, and then the driver is free to drive, and the conductor can make sure everyone is behaving.

You never really get a conductor on the buses up here...I haven't seen one on for years.

Me neither - perhaps drivers get lonely having no-one to talk to, and miss their conductor friends, and that is why they are grumpy, because they feel empty inside...
Or perhaps they're just not human.

What would they be though if they weren't human?

Evil incarnate! Monsters! Aliens out to kidnap Elvis!

OK...
*E starts to back carefully away from the vehment outburst...*

Well, they're only possibilities....
Just because you have some nice bus drivers, you want to spoil it for the rest of us....

I'm sorry...
Perhaps my nice bus drivers are good monsters who are trying to stop the evil ones whilst being vastly outnumbered...

That's a very good possibility that I hadn't thought of.
Glad to know you're taking this seriously at last!

Well, one of the bus drivers does have unhumanly large ears - what else was I supposed to think, apart from him being a good monster who come to get rid of all the evil ones who mutter curses at you when you get on the bus.?

Exactly. I commend you on your common sense.
If only they had good monsters down here...
BTW - do you often see the same bus driver again, because I've never seen the same driver twice. They always disappear....

I do generally see the same bus driver again.

Your's disappear, because my bus drivers are secretly getting rid of them...

So I see... But alas, there seems to be an endless number of evil ones.

But the good ones do not give up!

Is that why there are so many buses in Pop films - so that the drivers can give a message to the evil ones that their days of being evil bus drivers are at an end. Sir Cliff Richard, is, afterall, a saint.

It could well be.
After all, how many buses on pop videos do you see running down helpless passengers. Answer, none. Therefore I believe that you may well be right.

Exactly - and most Bus movies star good people, such as Cliff Richard and The Beatles... (No mention of Spiceworld...)

Don't forget Speed. That is a prime example of evil bus drivers in action...and the good ones coming to the rescue.