h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Shan't. So there. Now Gently you know that my complete disinterest in anybody elses life is nigh on legendary but it did occur to me in one of the few spare moments I take out of my own very exciteing (how do you spell that fr***ing word?) life to ponder on the lot of those less fortunate than I,as I say I was thinking and it suddenly occurred to me that you might be doing something over there in Sweden that is actully quite interesting.Say living in a brown haired commune or studying to be an atheist monk. I got to be hoping you could be a fugitive or you had run away to marry a sheepdog.Then as I say the overwhelming importance of myself took over again and I fell to pondering exactly how my liver and kidneys and brain etc could possibly be the same size as someone who is 6`8",and suchlike and I forgot all about you.What did you say your name was,again?


Still feel free to divulge ,dear.I won't tell a living soul.I don't talk to other people because their conversations are always so inherently dull and their thought processes so pedestrian. Tres ,tres fatigue.

Run along ,now Lesley theres a good boy and please use your handkerchief next time...What you got there then?Coo,really?

Very droll!

You home for christmas then or what? I am but then I'm Father Christmas so I couldn't not be. Best bit of the job that!!!

Yes, coming back on any hour nowfor a few days. Have to get back for one of the Ambassador's Parties. Ferrero Rocher aplenty

Back in Swedeland and glad too. Good god I detest England with a passion. Nice Christmas? I bought a speedboat off a former contestant of Bullseye, just trying to get a caravan too and then I will have the full set.

hmm happy new year will do for starters I guess!

depends what calendar you subscribe to. i for one am not celebrating a new year at the moment.

Oh dear whats happened.You can tell me I (ahem) work 'in the community'.And I think we all know whats that means ,eh readers? Shite hours,shite job ,good pay!!
Anyways back to yous Gentlys,what happenink to make you so low in the mouth and not your usuals heppy selfs? I am wonderink much if you haf the sadly syndrome vat they calls it cjd? Pliss writes me beck and tell me vat is troublink you.
Your frent
lowena xx

these new flatmates are frightening me. the new austrian will only speak with me in German since I mentioned i learned german last night. i can understand very little he is saying. he is also about 7 feet tall and is very intimidating when he stands there barking 'schnell uber blieben was der bustenhalterwar kaputt. schrechlich ein bit' at me or some such. aahahahah

Do what I do say ein bisschen or un peau and then nod a lot.Its worked almost everwhere except for Ostend.Even did alright in Flatbush!!

Oh do buck up your ideas.

I'm a celebrity? Get me ? Out of here! Eats shoots and leaves? Doesn't every normal panda? Hello? Anybody still working at the bbc? Gary!

I don't know what the devil you are talking about woman.

Singing cockles and mussells ,alive alive,oh.

I have read Naked Lunch. I think you are an stupid. Oh yes. I. Do.

I haven't! I am to depth as a swimming pool is like unto a puddle! But I'm never drunk in a public place so thats one good thing. Still snowing in your part of the world?

There was no snow on my return on Saturday evening and this morning we had a little snow shower and have a few inches underfoot. It's really getting quite tedious now, though it looks like there is still more to come. Soggy feet and ankles are no fun. Grrr.

Vas Kostet sie?

writing German phonetically is so very low-class.

Yes and to be honest when I came up against some real Germans the other week I found out the amount I really knew was pretty pitiful.The weather here is absolutely shite i'm still paying off a student loan and a credit card and i'm fed up to the back impacted wisdom tooth of having a back impacted wisdom tooth.