h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Is there no beginning to your talent? Then tell me where it is gawd bless you cos I can't be arsed to find it.

You have a way with words, you really do. I mean that in a similar way as if one were to say Simon Weston has a way with makeup.

Actually I thought the David Moses piece was the funniest thing I'd read in ages.

It's not meant to be funny. You've made me cry. Thanks very much! You know it came straight from the heart, that piece, don't you? I'm thinking about going on strike because of the shameless and insulting treatment I have received following my article about Buck Stiltman.

Nonsense you'll do nothing of the sort! You say Buck Stiltman existed I'm willing to admit he could have.Whole fleets of ships have sailed for less,look at Helen of Troy.She never wrote a suspect entry for h2g2 and centuries later she is regarded as an historical certainty. Get a grip sir We're complete strangers it simply isn't form to drivel all over me in that unmanly fashion.
I hope you got my last e-mail vis a vis the proposed trip to visit the 'roses of attar'industries in Southern Bulgaria. The whole three day cost is only £303 but the pick up points are limited, Hay on Wye or Sandwich. (Stop off points include Ghent and the Spanish Riding School in Vienna.)

Nonsense you'll do nothing of the sort! You say Buck Stiltman existed I'm willing to admit he could have.Whole fleets of ships have sailed for less,look at Helen of Troy.She never wrote a suspect entry for h2g2 and centuries later she is regarded as an historical certainty. Get a grip sir We're complete strangers it simply isn't form to drivel all over me in that unmanly fashion.
I hope you got my last e-mail vis a vis the proposed trip to visit the 'roses of attar'industries in Southern Bulgaria. The whole three day cost is only £303 but the pick up points are limited, Hay on Wye or Sandwich. (Stop off points include Ghent and the Spanish Riding School in Vienna.)

Are you G-g-g-g-g-areth Gates

Do you have a death wish?

Don't you mean a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d mm ungph er er uk uk u ku uuu k k ku k d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dd-d-d-d-d-d-dd-d-d-d-d---d-d-d-d-d-d-dde-de-de-de-deddddd-ede-d-ed-e-d-e-eeed-dd-d-d-d death w-w-w-w-w.........................................

did you ever have your holiday? If not, tell when you are away so I can burgle your house.

You b.....d! I got burgled about three weeks ago. You have made me cry.etc,etc. You haven't told me anything about your new job,you might as well, I know a particularly brilliant P.I who can trace user names to their place of work.

Sorry! T'wasn't me you know, I never, I nevva did it Burnside, you ain't got nuffink on me.... Job's a good 'un! Looks like I'm moving to Sweden in August though to do some specialist studies in European type stuffs...

i still haven't got the faintest idea what you do you know.Sweden? I could have told you that and then you wouldn't have wasted all that time learning bjorky talky.

You are jolly slow on the uptake aren't you my dear. If you haven't already realised what I do I'll spell it out:

I BREAK THE GODDAMN RULES. YEAH!

nonsense,you are secretly deeply conformist and long for comfort stability and a family hatchback.

I gots me a hatchback already. I don't know what sort of family would drive around in it though.

How was the holiday?