The h2g2 Post 01.01.18

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A crest bearing the legend The H2G2 PostA crest bearing the legend The H2G2 Post

Posted: 1st January 2018

The Whirligig of Time

The Christmas Tree Nebula, soon to be explored by NASA. Friends, does your head feel like this picture after all the holiday carryings-on? Fear not! The h2g2 Post is here to make soothing noises at you while befuddling you with nonsense. Just look at the pretty pictures and stop worrying.

People are glad to see the back of 2017, we gather. They feel the year rather let them down. Politicians, sport teams, entertainment idols, and the film industry have all been a grave disappointment to many. We have a piece of advice for you: Do not, at this point, make any of those bogus New Year's Resolutions. Don't announce to the world at large that this year, you intend to become richer, more famous, taller, thinner, stronger, more erudite, or the champion of anything. That's painting the devil on the wall. For one thing, nobody cares: they're too busy planning their own personal changes. For another, you merely insure a larger audience when you hit the inevitable speed bump on the road to personal success. Please, keep your New Year's Resolutions to yourself.

Then, when you do succeed, you can crow about it with a clear conscience. It will be a surprise to everyone – a pleasant one. In other words, act like Molly the Editorial Assistant Kitty, when she attempts a mad leap from the organ to the table, misses, and lands picturesquely in a pile of discarded Christmas wrapping. You pick yourself up and stalk away with enormous dignity, every hair and whisker proclaiming, 'I meant to do that.' This, friends, is the path to success in 2018: imitating cats. After all, they are the stars of the internet.

Besides amazing free advice, what do we have for you in this superior first issue of the year? Everything we could stuff in, trust us. Here's a list of goodies:

    Pachycarpus by Willem.
  • While most of us have been freezing our patooties off1, Willem has been delighting in South African summer. He has a photo essay for us, in which we will learn, among other things, that a ficus at home is not a pathetic, scrubby office plant. It's. . . just amazing, is what it is.
  • People have been out and about and documenting all manner of fascinating things. Bluebottle's figured out what Santa's day job is, and has photographic evidence. I found the (partial) skeleton in my chiropractor's cupboard, and I want you to caption it. SashaQ has captured a breathtaking vista, while bobstafford has volunteered some tips for the rest of you so that you, too, can send us some land- and seascapes. You'll enjoy the view.
  • You've reset your camera, but it's dark and snowy out, and you'd rather stay inside? We've got you covered with four quizzes. Check the crossword answers. Figure out what a burgonet is. Try to keep up with Icy North's imagination, metalheads. We bet he stumps even Freewayriding.
  • Speaking of Freewayriding, there is fiction. Of course there is. FWR tells us more about the backstory of the Man from Delaware. His research is almost as amazing as his wit.
  • Sunset by bobstafford.
  • It's Old Home Week around the h2g2 Post, as more irregular regulars check in: Galaxy Babe is back (hurrah!) with more news from the night sky. Do we have a supermoon? Super-duper supermoon. . . Is the Flea Market a magic treasure trove? We'll let Bluebottle tell it.
  • How about regular regulars? After honouring us with a Black Hole Christmas, the cinemameister sums up last year's offerings. You can use the checklist to order your videos, and thank Awix later.
  • Yes, there's humour. Yes, there's useless advice. And yes, there's a brand new Create Challenge. It's called 'Pioneers'. What do you know about them? Do you know any personally? Are you now, or have you ever been, a pioneer? Does MI6 know about it? Tell us, anyway. There's a long and possibly boring article by the Post Editor to start you off. Now, you can do better than that, so do it. You know the email.

Now go and enjoy all these goodies, and send me more Stuff! I'm getting used to all the extra work. And have a great first week of the year!

Dmitri Gheorgheni





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1Elektra has been using this phrase for going on half a century now. I have yet to determine exactly what portion of the anatomy a 'patootie' is, or whether the word is Polish, Lithuanian, Pennsylvania German, or Lenape. But you should keep your patooties warm, is what we're saying.

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