h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I will answer those questions

I know you are long past retirement age and have worked here for some time, but can you tell me:
exactly how long have you been the gardener here?

years and years sir, even before Mr Body owned this house.

have you have held any other jobs for Mr Body in the past?
no, I have always been the gardener and odd job man here.

have you ever been married or had children?

no my babies are the plants here sir.

"How long have you worked for Mr Body?"

For about six years madam.

"can you tell me if there is a lock on the chain that was on the books"

No madam, the books themselves are not valuable, mere trifles to a collector. The chain came with the bookcase, and Mr Body liked to keep it. As for the authors and titles of the books, I'm afraid I really don't know madam. They came as part of a job lot when Mr Body was decorating the room.

*Z carefully looks up from taking notes in the corner*

'Harry, you mentioned in the potting shed that you had a substance for killing rats? Can you tell me what it was, and also if it has been taken or interfered.'

'Marisol, if I am to understand correctly, Mr Body divorced you after meeting Maria, however he's now in a relationship with June?, gosh how complex!'

Mr. Jeeves, the books are over there *points* on that table. Surely you can walk over there and read the titles and authors off to me? I myself cannot do that because I am not really in your world. If you are illiterate then we will have to ask the Inspector to read them out to me. Really, this is quite intolerable. Remember, sir, you ARE a suspect!

Furthermore, I am not so sure your characterization of those books to be unvaluable is true.
When I first saw them they were on the bookcase CHAINED in. Unless this is some obscure librarianacal fashion, I doubt the chain was just DRAPED au couture over them for some bizarre effect. So, please, tell me what the titles and authors of those books are.

Right, I'm back from wandering round the house, and call me rampantly and inappropriately curious about random details but I want to know what gives with the portraits. Why all women? Why do I feel that the faces are somehow familiar? I'm asking Jeeves and Marisol that one I think. Either or.

I haven't been able to find the portraits - I must not have looked in all the rooms after all? Please tell me where?

They are in the entrance hall and the dining room I think

>>>'Harry, you mentioned in the potting shed that you had a substance for killing rats? Can you tell me what it was, and also if it has been taken or interfered.'<<<


Well, let me think back....

I don't think any of them bottles have been tampered with. I keep this shed locked apart from when I am here myself. Growing these plants is a little harmless hobby of mine. I grow all sorts of curious plants and mushrooms. Some of them is poisonous, but even so most of them are really pretty. We did try some out on some rats in the wine cellar once. I will have to try and remember what we used. I do believe sir, that there are books in the conservatory and library all about such plants.

And while you are in the conservatory, do admire the datura, it is fully in flower right now. Majestic! I am so proud of that.

http://www.interhomeopathy.org/images/gallery/155IH-datura-arborea.jpg

Belladonna!!

Sorry, I mispoke. This plant is dangerous but as an hallucination inducer. Sorry.

Thank you Harry, very interesting.

May I ask, did anyone else in the household take an interest in your hobby? Or perhaps any of Mr Body's regular visitors?

>"Mr. Davies, it's come to my attention that you were trying to sign a weapons-shipping contract with your old friend Mr. Body. Why was he so reluctant to work with you? You've been business partners for many years if I'm not mistaken."

Abel - Mr. Body, that is - and I were together in the Army, years ago. We never saw active combat, however, we both trained in the Intelligence Corps.

He always was a bit of an idealist. Not the best trait in a weapons manufacturer, in my opinion. But he'd certainly done well for himself over the years. I don't think my methods are as harsh, or as dubious, as Abel made them out to be. They were always legal, after all. But even after all we'd been through together, Abel said he wasn't sure he could trust me with his company's security contract.

I came to this dinner party in hopes that his business partner, Maria, and I could convince him otherwise.

Old libraries do indeed chain their books down madam, it was a phase from when all books were deemed as valuable.

Let me see then, these first books appear to be Stephen King's The Dark Tower series, and this one appears to be Neil Gaimans' American Gods. Ah, and of course a couple of Dirk Gently, no library is complete without it wouldn't you say madam?

*June enters the library with a steaming mug of black coffee*

*sits down and starts to answer questions*

>June? is that your Wayfarin?<
The Warfarin was indeed mine, I had been on a book tour in New Zealand earlierthis year and suffered a Deep Vein thrombosis. In all the excitement of getting ready last night I had forgotten to take one at home, but I remembered that I had left some in the Guest bathroom a couple of weeks ago and went up to take one before dinner.

>Which country have you most recently visited on your publicity tour?<
I returned from Dubai in the small hours of Sunday morning, my book's doing quite well over there.

>Miss Somers, everyone else here has some obvious connection to Mr. Body, but the only one you seem to have is in your ongoing lawsuit with his ex-wife Marisol. Why would he pay for your lawyers in that lawsuit, much less ask you to a dinner party?<
I have been Abel's girlfirend for just over a year, we both left our resective partners to be together, we fell hopelessly in love. He has been helping me find suitable lawyers to defend my case with his ex-wife, he is ... err ... was ... a very generous man. *cries*

Z: >>>May I ask, did anyone else in the household take an interest in your hobby? Or perhaps any of Mr Body's regular visitors?

Well sir, lots of people was interested. The Cook, when she wasn't drinking often took interest in herbal cures for her headaches. And backaches and she couldn't sleep she said for worry.

The old missus, that Marisol baggage. She was always snooping round to see what I was up to.

The Master, lord bless him, he and I often used to spend time together. He was so happy when them new orchids arrived. I never knew which one of his so called friends had got them for him. Or where they came from. I only knows as you carn't buy 'em.

*Marisol stops crying abruptly.*

What? He was having an affair with Maria? Maria?!! How long was this going on?

And to think I always believed him when he said she and he were both working late.

Oh the scales have fallen from my eyes. The snake! And to think I thought he still cared…

*Marisol sobs again*

But Madisol, you told me yourself he had an affair with maria in post 60?

Inspector - have we checked the fingerprints yet? I would like to know whose fingerprints are on the glass and the bottle dropped in the drawing room, near the deceased's body. And, of course, if possible, on the candlestick.

And Mr. Davies: Did you know that Mr Body was armed?

Mrs McBiscuit: Can you remember how much sherry you drank whilst you were preparing the meal this afternoon/evening?

'We will have to wait for the results of the fingerprints, detective. But I would like an answer to that myself.'

*mutters about police cut backs*

*walks to and fro with hands clasped behind back, in a frustrated sort of way*