h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: What to do when you fail to survive death - A85640240
Author: frleon - U14872593

And now for something completely different! I don't want to write only about maths (although I already thought of many future entries on this topic), so this one is about afterlife, which I read about recently.

frleon hey! It's great to have you writing for us


I read this avidly having personally failed to succumb to death once or twice so far. I'd like to go through it for grammatical and spelling errors, but firstly I wanted to say I love the topic very much.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean in footnote 1. Dying before you even reach adulthood is a tragedy, but perhaps I am missing your humour here.


I will return. . .

You're right, this one was quite tasteless. I decided to remove the footnote.

Great read frleon . Original, fresh and entertaining. Very well done - this is the sort of stuff I love to see in the Guide.

This is a great entry, with some good links to entries that i hadn't seen before.
I'd heard of most of these, though not the last one - which I think I'll avoid for now

Good stuff -

Jeremy Bentham seems to have found a way around it though.

http://praxeology.net/bentham.htm

Only his head and skeleton!

Good work

I like it. Have you seen this entry: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A2451683

Some people are eaten by vultures after death - that's also worth mentioning - if you want to.

How about Cryogenics?

Worth considering, perhaps?

Enjoyed it.

MMF

But you aren't dead then, are you?

It may be a matter of semantics but I really don't think it is 'you' that will be doing all these things but merely the remains you left behind. Like a butterfly reflecting on its chrysalis.

I like how it is written, Shagbark, as if you might still be aware of what is happening to your body to some extent. It is a ploy to get the reader's attention. (Someone, please come along now and give me the technical term for this as I never studied English writing.)

Lanzababy

I don't know the technical word for it either but I thought I'd voice my support for its useage here.

A number of typos and spelling concerns, all of which a Sub-Ed can dust if you don't during another read through. On the whole, an amusing and yet entertaining piece. Nicely done.

I just want to explore the other side of the coin a bit. If averyone else is happy with the concept of "you" being your mortal remains sobeit.
Madeline Murray Ohair once said you are like a recording on a tape. When you die the recording is erased and only the blank tape remains but you no longer exist.
The ancient Egyptians believed in a spirit realm but you could only be reunited there if your mortal remains were preserved.
American Poet wiliam Cullen Bryant said in a poem
So live that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan that moves
To that mysterious realm, where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him and lies down to pleasant dreams.
Shakespeare said: To sleep, to dream, ah there's the rub that makes cowards of us all.
The Buddists, Hindu and Sikhs believe in reincarnation- that you are no longer in that body but have another chance.
The Judeau-Christian and Muslim view is that some monotheistic diety decides based on your decisions during your earthly tenure what happens to you afterwards.
the thing is, from our limited perspective we can see what happens to John Doe's mortal remains, and postulate that these things are happening to him.
If an ancient king was beheaded and his head stuck on a pole by the army who killed him, I suppose they would say that it happened to him. If a lion ate someones father, they would say it ate him.
However if this article wishes to avoid metaphysics and just speak of the body as being you, the researcher has every right to present it that way.

At last here I am with a bit of time to proof-read and grammar check for you. As this is a longish list, perhaps you should print it out and check off each correction as you go along? It might make it easier for you. Let us know when you've done the edits please.


relaxing, lying around all the day ---->

relaxing and lying around all day.


you can pursuit ----> you can pursue


upon the end of your life ---> at the end of your life


provided a certain wealth ----> provided you are wealthy enough.




First, your body gets cremated in the usual way, then all carbon


---->

Firstly, your body will be cremated in the usual way, then all the carbon . . .

Third, a synthetic diamond created -----> Finally, a synthetic...


expensive than the resulting diamond ----> expensive than the resulting diamond [would be worth]

which can cause slight colour changes ----> which can cause slight colour variations.



But this works also the other way round: You will be able to order specific colours.

----> But this works also the other way round: you will be able to order specific colours.



Most authorities punish murder. Because of that, corpses would be in short supply, if there were no voluntary donors.

I would like to think that there is every a shortage of corpses, but I'm afraid to say that the same number of people die every day, regardless of murders. The body of a murder victim is not subjected to study by science, apart from by forensic pathologists. Were you meaning that in times gone past it was the actual murderer's corpse that got to be dissected? If so, your point is valid and you could re-write this bit a little to expand, ie that we no longer use the bodies of murderer's who have suffered the life penalty, basically because not many countries execute their prisoners these days.



which involve people underwater, buried or put in a trunk. If you do not like treated like that or have similar wishes, such as remaining clothed or not, they will be considered.

---->

which might involve being placed underwater, buried or put in a trunk. If you do not like the thought of being treated like that or have specific wishes, for instance remaining fully clothed, they will be considered.


Sceletonised ---> skeletonised

If you suffered from any form of contagious disease, you won't be accepted until after cremation

watching putrefying ashes ----> watching ashes degrade further


but the trick is not to pulverising the bones, which won't be done upon an according request at the crematorium.

---> but the trick is to not pulverise the bones, for which a specific request will be needed to be given to the crematorium.

afterlife-activity. ---> afterlife activity.

specialties---> specialities (specialties is the correct US spelling by the way)

Texas State Univerity ---> University

could afford where mummified ----> were mummified

but there are only few who know
---> but there are only [ a ]few


physical existence: Become a fossil ---> remove the capital B after the colon.

Unfortenately ---> Unfortunately

Upon your death approaching---> Upon approaching your death


wadis

I just googled this to tell me what it is - so perhaps a footnote might be helpful?

Drowning and suffocating is not the nicest death

---> Neither drowning nor suffocating is the nicest death.

If the end shall come really fast, seek a volcano.

If you want a really speedy end, seek out an active volcano.


But this method has a catch, too: You do not want to be overrun by hot lava but instead buried in ashes.

But this method has a catch too, you do not want to be overrun. . .


not buried in massive rock ----> not buried under tons of rock

Falling {in} a glacier [into]

Note that this method is not completely foolproof, too.

take off the [too] at the end of that sentence.

Because of that, corpses are used in car testing, too

--->Because of this, corpses are also used in car testing.

And not only car companies but also the NASA test their vehicles, if you cannot afford a normal space funeral.

---> It's not only car companies but also NASA that test their vehicles. . .

(hint you can add a link to NASA here if you like) and you see

this paragraph is missing its tags at the beginning and end.

Space funerals grew very popular in the last years---> Space funerals have grown very popular in recent years.

Celestis offers those ---> Celestis offers these.

or the double amount consisting of two individuals ---> or double that amount if it consists of two individuals.

Prices range from $695 for one single flight with return to $12500 for the Voyager Service that shoots you into deep space for the 1-gram-option.

sorry I don't really know what you mean here.

I find your footnote confusing too. Perhaps this whole paragraph needs reworking to make it as simple as possible.

If you fear to get homesick ---> If you fear homesickness


The container gets closed and put under high pressure and temperature

---> The container is securely closed and then put under high pressure and temperature.

brown-greenish ---> greenish-brown (or brownish-green depending on whether it is more green than brown. Greenish-brown is more brown than green and vice versa)

This costs not more than cremation. ---> This costs no more than a normal cremation.

Do you know how much liquid is produced by this method? Just asking you know, curiousity...


Phew! time for a methinks...


Lanzababy
Scout
<./>Sub-editor</.>

And double phew! Nice pome Shagbark!

Nice 'fruit'?

Thank you, lanzababy! I wanted to include a nasa link but couldn't find one that deals with body donation, although I read about this option somewhere else.

I'd just meant a link to the NASA home page really.