h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Pulling out a handfull of feathers. *

Well ok, I knew I should have left the dragon hatchlings outside but they're just starting to breath fire and I didn't think anyone would appreciate HQ being set alight.

Lieutenant CYBERHUMAN reporting for duty Sir! By the way, there's a duck trying to fly off the defense tower. Shall I try and capture it for you?

Sir, duck now running away from me round and round the defense tower! Shall I wait until it gets dizzy and then deal with it?

I checked my futon, and it's still comfy.

*grins, but then looks as if she's forgotten something*

Ah yes. *salutes sharply*

Sir! (or something...!)

The duck should get dizzy in a bit. Get the assault rifles out just in case.

CYBERHUMAN - i think your sensors are still malfunctioning. what u actually saw was a pigeon. continue the search. i won't be happy until this whole base has been searched and all the ducks have been found. if we find enough ducks, there may be enough for one duck each at the feast.

spook

Reporting for duty

Quick find a bunk, Jerrod, so you can toss it for ducks. That's an order, private! Unless of course, you are higher ranking than me... then you can just give me a swift kick in the bum, sir!

-Capt. Yankee-shoes

*spook tosses over empty bunks in his search for ducks.*

*enters*

*trips over the backlog and a duck*

*Throws ninja star at duck Cal tripped over, and neatly shears of it's head, and part of Cal's boot*

Sorry about the boot and the blood.

Hey, here's one, spook, sir!

Whew, that was a great nap in my new bunk, now what can I do to destroy some ducks?

*has been napping through the entire pidgeon/duck/whatever incident, she sits up and yawns, realising that someone has taken the top bunk of her futon bunk thingy. She waves at Jarrod (apparently her new bunk mate) and pleasantly*

First off you can get me some Ramune. Please.

Did you say to "Get me some quacK"? What is quack? And why are you spitting yellow feathers? Do we need to call the medic?

*sees that cal has passed out from the sight of his own blood and carfully banages up his foot for him*

Sorry General Spook Sir! You're right - my visual sensors are still registering 'MALFUNCTION.' I will try to correct the malfunction to prevent further mistakes Sir, but unfortunately this will take a lot of careful re-adjustment which could put me off duty for a while. Has anyone actually caught those damn duck(s) yet?

CYBERHUMAN

Yes, I caught a couple of the ducks, but I sent them directly to the mess hall.

I just saw a sitting duck, but it turned out to be another pigeon

Well just keep looking anyway. Welcome back by the way Colonel Rimmer

Sorry sir, I've been busy.