This is the story of Shea¹ and TJ - two researchers who some of us are proud to call friends - and involves how they met on site and then again in Real Life, discovered that they were in love and decided to get married.

Naturally such a happy occasion got lots of people very excited and some of us were lucky enough to wrangle a pair of invitations.

So The Post handed us a pen, a pad of paper and a note to stick in our hat band that said 'PRESS' with the instructions to 'bring back a story'.

The following represents our recollections of this grand occasion.

We pulled up at TJ's deserted apartment. It was the evening before the wedding and we'd been invited to attend the rehearsal dinner and bunk in the spare room - from where we could travel with the wedding party to the church in the morning.

The couple were still at the church going through the practise run with both their families in attendance. So we sat down on the wooden terrace and enjoyed the cool breeze (the preceeding week had brought a heat-wave to Northern America with temperatures consistantly in the 30c's - and higher. Fortunately it had decided to break that day.)

When everybody returned, after a short wait, a host of family members dispersed about the garden and the caterer set up the food. Drinks were served from a stationary R2D2 cooler. Where can you purchase such a desirable object d'art for your bachelor pad, I hear you cry?

Such a desirable object was purchased by TJ in a garage sale two years ago. Naturally such an auspicious item deserves some comment in this, the wedding report. TJ was very happy with this purchase and Shea was equally at home retrieving cans of coke from within the innards of the coolest droid this side of Tatooine.
Indeed the pair have become dubbed by persons closest to the couple 'Geekquals' - equals in geekiness.

I think it's fair to say, we liked them a lot.

It did not pass by our attention, either, that TJ's brother Steve bore an uncanny likeness to George Lucas.

The evening wore on and, as various relations deduced that we were from neither family, comprehension dawned and several times we got the 'oh! - you're the... thingy... internet guys'.

Taking this opportunity to exploit the tide of the conversation having turned toward our area of expertise - we ran inside and collected a very special item. Back outside we presented Shea with the first of the gifts we had brought for the wedding.

Now this was a plan long in preparation. As far back as January of 2002 - Abi hit upon the idea to send Shea and TJ a huge wedding card from all at h2g2. This idea evolved and at the Winter Meet-up, we ran around collecting the signatures and well-wishes of the researchers in attendence in a book²

It flew over with us and we presented it to Shea with the best wishes from everybody on site. She was delighted with the gift and very touched.

Later in the evening as family members departed to their hotels and rest-stops in preparation for the next day we steadily found ourselves alone with just Shea and TJ.

Time to bring out the 'other' presents then.

What to get for the couple who already have everything and the box to put it all in? Well they were already well catered for by the families with the traditional gifts of place sets and other. Our gifts had to transcend the boundaries of the normal in this respect. It took some finding to get the appropriate items - but we were happy with the result.

All done up in goo-blue wrapping paper and glitter-green ribbon, we included a towel³ A Sign that said 'No Spitting', Seven silver Wedding sporks - and the coup de grace - a Fish Bowl engraved with the h2g2 Logo and the ghostly words 'So Long and thanks for all the fish⁴'.

Afterwards the small matter of tidying up was completed with the minimum of fuss. Shortly before 12, Shea as per the bridal ritual, had to bid her beloved adieu and depart for elsewhere on the stroke of midnight expectant to see her husband-to-be on the morrow.

A short while and two slices of cheesecake later and the Groom and his guests retired to bed also.

In order to be ready for the ride that would ferry TJ and ourselves to the church, which was due to come at quarter to ten, we crawled out of bed at eight am. We breakfasted on cereal, and then jumped into our Dontbry bests ⁵. As we did so, TJ returned from running a few last minute errands that morning and once back, he too went about the business of getting groomed. (No pun intended.)

Then, we waited for the ride.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Close to 10 am, TJ (who was already a bit nervous - as was to be expected) became even more anxious when he realized his ride to the church had not come to the apartment yet. A quick series of phone calls revealed the reason: messages were misunderstood by the groomsmen who were to pick up TJ (and ourselves as well).
They had already arrived at the church, and were wondering just where he had gotten to. A REALLY agitated TJ now called another friend, who hastily arrived around 10:30.

The church was in Blue Point, almost half an hour away from West Islip where the apartment was.

We mention this only because the ceremony itself was due to start at 11 am sharp.

So it was that we departed fashionably late for the wedding - make that just plain old LATE. Our driver was Dave - one of TJ's long time friends - and, luckily for us, a police officer, as that made the rather high speeds we were travelling route 27 at seem that little bit more acceptable.
⁶

Upon arriving, we discreetly let the groom out at the back of the church, and we moved around to the front to mill about with friends and family. Parked in front of the church was a white stretch limo - out of which appeared the bridal party. We were all ushered inside, and awaited the start of the ceremony.

Inside the parish chapel - 'Our Lady of the Snow' - the congregation waited expectantly.

Those with eyes facing front (ie, not turned towards the doors where Shea would be entering) would have seen a nervous TJ peeking around the rectory walls, consulting with the best man. His apparent display of nerves was understandable: this was the big day, after all, the hottest ticket in town, and the society event of the season!!!

Researchers in attendance (apart from the newlyweds to be) were: Amy+, Aaron O'Keefe (in his army dress blues), Tacsatduck (proudly sporting the first suit he's ever owned, so I'm told), and yours truly. ⁷

The organ struck up 'Canon in D', the doors in the back swung open, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen began their slow saunter down the aisle. The bridesmaids wore russet satin gowns, and were carrying bouquets of fresh flowers.

The organist then began to play the opening chords of Wagner's 'Bridal Chorus' and the doors at the back of the church swung fully open to reveal a figure swathed in ivory, lace, and beadwork. Shea was escorted down the aisle by her parents and took her place at the altar with TJ at her right side.

The service was led by the deacon of Shea's church (who was, in our opinion, a really froody lookin' dude). The short scripture readings and messages given by the deacon centred on the eternity of the love to be consecrated that day in the act of matrimony.

Finally, the vows were spoken, the rings blessed and placed on the fingers; the newlywed couple received a standing ovation from the congregation.

Tac and Aaron 'Yeeeuuuur-ed' from back row⁸.

After the wedding, a tearful Shea and a beaming TJ (now not so nervous) stood at the exit of the church greeting their guests as they filed out of the chapel. We gathered outside, basking in the warm sunshine. The couple emerged, blinking in the bright light at the top of the steps, and posed for photographs. Rice was thrown and bubbles were blown as they made their way to the limo.

The wedding party then drove over to the reception ⁹.

The marriage complete, the assembled guests were treated to valet parking at the 'Mediterranean Manor', a very plush little place tucked into the streets of Patchogue, Long Island.
We were all seated in the Atrium cocktail lounge.

Filling the glass-enclosed room was a selection of hot and cold buffet foods to keep the wedding guests entertained while the wedded couple celebrated out of sight before preparing for the party that was to follow.

Let me be honest and get one thing straight.

The setting was fantastic, the food was gorgeous, the caterers beyond compare. Still what held this researchers attention was the free bar. Yup. Free alcohol.

It's a tough old life, roaming the globe, free-lancing for The Post.

Everybody began milling, enjoying what was on offer from the wide selection of cold meats and cheeses as well as the hotplate. We were all kept sufficiently plied until, after a short while, the call was given to move through to the main ballroom.

The main room had a raised level where the wedding party would come to be seated. Shea and TJ were to be seated in two high backed chairs that were perched underneath a sort of tent construction in the centre.

The rest of the guests were seated at angles around the dance floor. The host of the event bid everyone stand to greet the newly weds who passed under an arch of flowers held by the bridesmaids and groomsmen. We all sipped champagne and toasted their good health, and then TJ and Shea took to the floor with the first dance.

We perhaps, at this point, should point out what lay amongst the bunches of flowers on each table. Printed onto small placards which sat in the vases were the smileys: and

There were only 6 people in the room who got the joke.

Tacsatduck presented to Shea and TJ a spray of loo-brushes - real ones. That raised a few eyebrows and the children all wanted to play with them.

There was a Frank-Sinatra sing-a-like who serenaded the guests with old classics while we dined on a choice of either fish, chicken or beef. After the meal things picked up again as people took to the floor and danced while the singer retired and the disco took over
¹⁰.

The scene was then set for the throwing of the bouquet. It is not without a touch of regret that we recall how the idea of a bouquet-cam was decided against in the initial stages, which was a pity; nevertheless we can confirm the lucky lady was one of the bridesmaids.

Now, in a little-practised ritual (I'd certainly never heard of it - feel free to tell me otherwise), there came the throwing of the garter. The equal of the bouquet throwing, the groom reverse slingshots across his shoulder, a garter - the lucky recipient of which presumably to be wed unto the catcher of the bouquet.

All eligible bachelors were summoned onto the dance floor and stood in line while TJ flexed the garter experimentally. This researcher can attest there was a hush in the air as everybody stopped to watch:
The crowd fell silent and time slowed down as TJ counted to three and then released the garter, which sailed over his head and into the huddle of men.

One guy never taking his eye of the incoming projectile, detached himself from the main group and went long, scooping in low for the catch.

Diving forward, he accidentally shoulder-barged a small child across the floor, who was catapulted backwards!

Thankfully the child was completely unhurt, if a little stunned. However, in the ensuing hubbub it was never resolved satisfactorily, to our knowledge, whether or not the garter had in fact been caught.
We are pleased to report however, that the proud h2g2 researchers who did partake of this spectacle sensibly retracted their hands at the count of three and thus remain free and available.

Interested parties are asked to leave their details here and here.

The blissfully happy couple cut the cake and we all got a slice - Yummy!

The entertainment cranked back up, the definite highlight of which was TJ donning a feathered headcrest and leading the entire room in a rendition of the disco classic 'YMCA', dressed as the chief.

We simply ask that, if you should ever encounter him in the street you should politely ask him, in a clear and above all distinct voice, to 'do the garden-sprinkler'.
He'll be only too happy to oblige you, I am sure.

In the ensuing revelry the happy couple must have sneaked out via the backdoor and absconded on their honeymoon, for we missed their departure. We speculate as to whether or not the free bar had a hand in that one.

The Post: your lighthouse of information in the fog of ignorance has put on its best suit and tie, has crossed oceans and braved countless difficulties to bring you this happy tale and you didn't think we'd do all of that for you, the researchers of h2g2, without trying to get an interview. Did you?

Seizing our moment after dinner we asked, on behalf of The Post, for a quote from the bride. We received the following:

The Post:

'Care to give us a quote?'

Shea the Sarcastic:

'I am happier today than I have ever been in my life. However, I desperately wish I had spent more time shopping for the appropriate underwear, so that I would not constantly tugging at my bosom!!'

Little more remains to be recounted , save the well wishes of ourselves to the happy couple.

From those of us lucky enough to have been invited and to have travelled the distances to witness your special day, a heartfelt thank you. It was magical.

Everyone else, please raise you glasses

To Shea and TJ

Wedding photo's

Clive the flying ostrich

25.07.02 Front Page

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