h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Blinks in a 'where-am-I' disorientated kinda way*
Red Dwarf? I'm on Red Dwarf?

Nice cabin, can I keep it? Will have to put up some picture rails for my paintings.

*Screen on the wall comes to life*
Holly? Is that you? Why are you wearing a Toupee?

*Cups hands to mouth and calls out*

Helloooo oooo ooooo oooo
Is anyone here ere ere ere. . .

Surely on a ship the size of a small city, someone is bound to stumble in here eventually.

Stop shouting. What do you want!
*looks around*

Nice cabin

Er, perhaps if you hadn't chosen a cabin on one of the contaminated floors, you'd get a few more visitors

Welcome aboard, nice cabin! I like the picture rails.

Contaminated!! Ewwww! Lucky I brought the Pinoclean then.

Okay, have stopped shouting now. All I wanted was a visitor or two. Glad you could both stop by and that you like the cabin. (Stop scowling at me Terran)

I was just putting up some paintings. That one's called 'Imagine Strawberries' and that one's called 'The Gnarley Tree'. Like them? I found a to hang too.

Right, so what do now that I'm aboard?

Sorry how rude of me, I forgot to offer refreshments. As I'm new here I don't know where the nearest food dispencer is, but I brought along some Tim Tams and some Vegemite (just have to find a toaster. . .) especially for guests. Don't eat them together, they won't taste very nice.

TOASTER: Did someone say they wanted toast? I toast, therefore I am.

Shut up talkie toaster!
Thanks for the refreshments. The cabin is looking very homey with those pictures.
Mind if I save my Tim Tams till I take my contamination suit off? They make a big mess on the visor if I try to eat with this helmet on.

How rude, I just asked if he wanted toast
Do you?

Táralómë: Scowl? Nah just the way I smile

Talkie Toaster : , I'm probably going to regret this but... go on I'll have a piece of toast.

TOASTER: Howdy doodly do! How's it going? I'm Talkie -- Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Here's your toast. Do you know that's the first hot bread product I've cooked in over 3 million years!
Anyone else like any toast?

How did the talkie toaster get into my cabin? I thought it was supposed to be in Rimmer's cabin. (Guess I asked for that with the mere mention of toast)

*Opens the vegemmite offers some to Terran*

Save all the Tim Tams you like Simon, I can't eat chocolate. Hope you've got something decent on under that contamination suit.

Hello Rimmer, Toast? Tim Tam?
Did anyone bring any drinks?

Hey look ! I'm gonna eat you little chippy. . .

With her charge safely asleep after gorging himself on curry and beer, the Green Guardian Angel has taken the chance to investigate the rest of the ship. Without a physical presence to taint, she's safely enters the contaminated zone to discover something of a party occuring.

It's a strange mixer, many of the party goers are dressed in large white suits that make it difficult to eat the party foods. As Shawn Mullin's "Shimmer" bounces of the wall of the small space, Miztres investigates the room...nice cabin, she thinks to herself and looks out the portal into deep space.

Floating back to the party she's tries to listen in on conversations that are taking place. People seem to be enoying themselves, though their conversations seem simple and not insighful to say the least. She wonders if it's the interaction with each other and not so much the words they say that make the conversation interesting.

She notes the hologram is here, though he's not talking to anyone either...or at least no one who is listening. The party, is body centric with much of the conversations surrounding bodily functions and parts, and being enjoyed by those with anatomy. Miztres, due to her spirit form can only participate in the physical world in a small way: a whisper, a change in temperature, a disturbing and unexplained breeze, is being ignored as to be expected. Rimmer is being ignored because he's a git. Never having experienced a physical presence she wonders (not for the last time) what it is like to be bound to a physical form. In the middle of a crowd, Miztres more alone than when she was gliding through empty space.

Feeling mischeveous, she blows in the ear of the host, a humanoid with large pointed ears and a transparent Crystaline appearance.

Ooh! Gazpacho Soup!

Brrr. Just got that 'someone walking over my grave feeling'.

*Catches sight of herself in the mirror*

Daahghh! What happened to my appearence? Hey guys, did I have pointy ears before? Somehow I seem to be able to see through the back of my own head. That can't be right.

Have some toast, that will make you feel better

Shut up Toaster.

Go on then, a crumpet perhaps?

I said shut up Toaster, or I'll put you back in Rimmer's cabin.

Why do I have a sudden craving for Gazpacho Soup?

*ahem*

the ship is now moving to A1019026

*Pops over to take a look*