h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Sherry pretends she didn't hear a bellow from inside the ranchhouse*

Sherry à la Gelée, pleased ta meetcha. Ah haven't seen yer friend, but perhaps yew've seen a preacher?

*Reluctantly heads out the back door after the Celery, giving Floradora a hand with the luggage. *


And what of the woman? Will she be brought to the church as well?



Ma'am, if you'd like my services as a Minister, I am quite skilled at marriage counseling.

Make that "to Doris". One of those days.

[The sound of stampeding gnus is heard. Cut to the exterior; Mega Man X is dashing away from the stampede (using his dash boots) in the direction of the ranchhouse.]

[X]

*hearing the explosions out at the pasture Butch stoically loads his six-shooters, sharpens his bowie knife and checks the mechanism on his rifle.*

*satisfied that all that can be done has been done he enters the Ranch House and proceeds to barricade the windows and doors with furniture.*

*Whilst he waits for the posse to arrive he gets out his knife and starts to whittle a piece of wood into the likeness of the Celery*

*Sherry arches an eyebrow*

Ah have a funny feelin' that Ah should be movin' on.

*Sherry takes her horse by the reins and leads it in the direction of the corral*

[X jumps right onto the top of the Ranchhouse to avoid the gnus.]

*whilst watching several Gnu's and Longhorns surge infront of the Ranch House, Butch hears a barely audible thump from the roof of the building*

*drawing his twin six-shooters he aims at the ceiling and methodically puts shot after shot into a pattern where the noise came from. Bits of plaster and wood drop down into the room and shingles fly off the exterior as the bullets go through*

Take that pardner

*both guns click on empty chambers and Butch pauses to reload*

*Bonnie gallops towards to the Ranchhouse with Witty and Caer clinging tightly to her*

*Just past the house she sees a water trough, comes a sudden holt, sending Caer over her ears and into the trough*

Oh, bliss, this water is surprisingly cool! Come on in Witty.

*makes room for Bonnie to get her head to the water, whilst splashing the very slightly stagnant water over her face and head*

[X] [hanging down in front of window] Missed me!

*Gallops by sitting backwards on a gnu who has decided to circle the ranch house continuously*

*Butch is momentarily stunned by the sight of a Jello in a dog collar sitting backwards on a Gnu circling the ranch house*

Wull ah'll be darned - yer don't see thart every day !!

Now where's that pesky guy in the dash boots gorn ?

*Witty managed to stay on Bonnie, but slid all the way up Bonnie's neck and is clinging to Bonnie's halter.*

Not now, Caer. I hear gunfire. I think they were expecting us. Will you look at that gnu go!

*She slides off of Bonnie, pulls out her nano-gun and double checks that it is still set to the hot water stream.*

Hey, X! What's going on?

*clambers out of the water trough and with water pouring off her, takes frying pan out of her pocket*

Won't take long to dry out in this heat.

*takes cover behind the trough*

*smashes a pane of glass with the butt of his rifle, pokes the barrel through and takes aim at the water trough*

Bang ! Bang ! Bang ! Bang ! Bang !

*several shots later the water trough is peppered with holes that slowly spray Caerwyn with jets of water*

Dang ! Missed agin ! Somethang must be wrong with these goddurn bullets .

*reloads*

*At the sound of breaking glass, Witty jumps behind the trough along with Caerwynn. The spray of water is very refreshing. She peeks over the rim of the trough and takes aim at the figure in the broken window.

Witty squeezes the trigger and launches a stream of boiling water towards the window.*

*props the frying pan against the trough*

This pan is made out of the same stuff as Army tanks, so it should give us a little extra protection.

*takes crossbow out of pocket, loads with Frost bolts and shoots several off in the general direction of the Ranchhouse*

Well.....one or two might hit it!

[X] [jumping over one of the arrows and landing next to Caer] Watch where you're aiming that thing!

That's precisely the problem X, I watch very carefully where I aim the thing, but I think there's something wrong with the laser sight.

Its the Celtic Ring of ies nobbling it I'm convinced. I think it may have been after I referred to the Vale of Glamorgan as the Valley of the Damned. They haven't forgiven me yet.

Perhaps I should get Lil's landlords to check it over.

*there is a yell from inside the ranchouse as a flying ape comes crashing through the roof from the direction of the barn*

*the jet of water narowly misses Butch's head as he turns to see "whut the heck that wus"*

*Butch returns fire and with 12 shots indents a smiley face into the frying pan*

Dang ! Reb wudda bin proud of that shootin' Celery rest his soul