h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*there is an ominous ~click~ behind Lil's ear*

Now whur duh yer think yur goin' wuth mah horse little lady. I think it best fer yew if'n you just behave yerself and git yerself back ter the ranch house.

ah durnt want this ter get more nasty than it has ter - but yer comin' with us one way or anuther.

*beckons to soeasilyjello'd who takes the reins of the horse*

Lucky ah wus checking on yer work her soeasilyjello'd .... cud a bin bad fer us - The Celery would huv bin apopletic if she'd have got away !

Yer dead right Zeke .... we'd huv bin salad !

*There is an ominous click from the porch shadows*

Drop those reins, you. And you Zeke, drop that gun. Or didn't you stop to wonder what the Celery would do with a corpse?

*Floradora steps forward, holding a carbine at her shoulder*

*appears to grow several inches taller with indignation, Lil shakes the reins loose and backs the horse up several steps*

I recognize your voice, young man. You are the wretch who brought me here in a... carpet that was full of vermin and caused me to become so ill.
*pause*
Or perhaps the vermin came from you.
*another pause*
And now you have the nerve to threaten me! I'm not remaining in this pit of pestilence one moment longer.

*secures her skirts, wheels the buckskin and gallops into the darkness*

*soeasilyjello - in reality a lumberjack from Montana 6' 3" tall weighing 300lb's lunges at Flora and wrestles her to the ground*

Zeke - ah'll sort this wun out you git the dame.

*struggles*

*watches the woman ride off, then turns back to Zeke and soeasilyjelloed*

Well, will you look at that. You've let the prisoner escape. The Celery will be greatly displeased with you, I reckon.

*points her carbine nonchalantly at the floor and smiles*

*Zeke smiles and with hands on hips he sends out a series of sharp whistles*



*from the darkness comes the sound of a galloping horse that returns with Asteroid Lil on the back*

Yew wusn't listening wus yew Ma'am. Ah told yer that that wus mah horse and as yew kin see he's well trained and dus whut ah tell him too. Out here that kinda thang kin save a man's life. Out here in the lawless west a gud horse is only better'd by a gud gun.

Now ah've been gud to yew, save those bugs in that carpet of course, and if ah git one more peep outa yew ah'll fix you gud and proper and dang the consequences, Celery or no Celery

*reaches up and handcuffs himself to Lil*

That shud fix yer ! Pesky woman !

*hearing the commotion a troop of heavily armed Apes arrive at the ranch house*

*kicks Zeke seriously in the knee*


Lil is well-known as an excellent horsewoman with a rather special mount of her own, and she would have known enough to do a flying dismount if the horse had turned on her. But I will allow you to carry the storyline. For the moment.



*kicks Zeke seriously in the other knee*

*raises the carbine*

And you forgot about me, Zeke. Unlock those cuffs. Now. Or I'll be unlocking your corpse in 10 seconds. I don't care what happens to me -- it will give me enough satisfaction to blow you to aspic.

Posting 65 Flora

Hah - yer missed mah crown jewels thar Ma'am. If yew think that The Celery will go easy on me if'n ah let yew go than yer dumber than that Preacher in thar.

Do yer wurst Flora - yer surrounded bah mah boys and everyone is gittin real excited with yew pointing hat thang at me. Yud best put it down real slooowly now.

Ah reckon the two of yer can keep each other company now's we know yer true colours. Come quietly and we'll be easy on yer ... won't we boys.

*general laughter and ooks*

well that had to happen some time didn't it. That was Zeke of course .

I retract my earlier concession and ask for arbitration on this. I don't think Zeke had the right to claim that his horse brought me back like a sack of wool. Lil is, as I said, known to be a good rider who owns Ferrari, a black stallion who has been around since pre-Foop. Lil simply wouldn't have let that happen. And Zeke didn't have the right to claim the consequences; this is the same sort of thing as a bullet or other adventure attack.

I will be at enough of a disadvantage on foot!

Can we freze the action and have some refereeing here, please?

*Enters with a jug of Continuity Bleach.*

In general, since this is an adventure, normal continuity rules are applied fairly loosely. For instance, by strict continuity, both Zeke and Floradora should have made their presence known before taking action. However, that would have spoiled the action and hence it is completely acceptable. Especially since things appear to have been moving fast.

I think there were various continuity breaches during the action, which are only a problem if someone objects. Since Lil has objected to the breach where she was returned along with the horse, then that is one that should be reversed.

So...

*takes the lid off of the bleach and pours bleach over posts 68-73 and part of post 67. Post 67 now reads:*

===============
*Zeke smiles and with hands on hips he sends out a series of sharp whistles*



*from the darkness comes the sound of a galloping horse returning.*
=================

The action may continue from there.

Accepted. s other characters


*feeling the horse wheel round and break into a gallop. Lil throws her arms round its neck, executes an emergency dismount and falls to the ground, rolling several times*

*disoriented*
Ooooof!

*the cattle and gnus mill nervously*

*Meanwhile, back in the ranchhouse...*

Now yer talkin'. I reckin' yer a might smarter than those other fellers.

*Spins his bible around his index finger and tucks it under his belt.*

I thinks the kind er "merchindise" you's dealin' with is jus'the kinder thing a preacher man like me kin hep out with. I's had my day as a "biznessman" afore I wuz a preacher, yer know. Now I kin get yer what yer want whether that's a Church o'the Celery or what have yer, an I'd be much obliged if yer 'ranged a meetin fer me with a certin man whose immorterl soul needs savin'.

But the ways I sees it, I don't need no help in savin' souls, yer get my drift. If I gits yer emerald or yer church or what have yer, I'd 'spect sometin' more in exchange. I gots ter think a'the future. The ways I sees it, every Emperor needs a Pope a'sorts. With a good Pope at yer side yer could do some good deeds in ther future now, couldn't yer?

[Zero, who was dashing over in this direction, skids to a halt right next to Lil, pausing to fix his hair.]

[Zero] Hi there! I'm here to rescue you. Though you seem to be doing a good job at it yourself. So each of us has our work cut out for us. Now if you'll excuse me ... I'm going to become a real nuisance and allow you to finish your part of the job.

[Zero dashes over to where those in the ranchhouse will get a good view.]

[Zero] [arming beamsaber and casting an eerie green glow on the scene whilst grinning with pure bloodlust] Hi there.

Hey, thanks!

*gets up off the ground and brushes her skirt off carefully, then takes off running for the treeline*

Lil's running takes her here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/F91200?thread=192256&post=2149331#p2149331

*One of the apes sees the green glow and raises the alarm*

OOOOOOOKKKKKKKKK!!!!! [What the heck is that????]

*Apes pour out of the barn and run towards the glow*