h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Zero begins to listen again, since things are once more worth listening to.]

*Deciding the time is not yet right to bump into Butch, the Reverend enters and walks up to the Celery. *

So you's the guy in charge here? We's got sometin' ter talk about, an I thinks you knows what it is!

[Zero now becomes REALLY interested]

*Turns to Zello*

Very good, Zello. We'll see if that shakes up those salonistas. You can go and help...

*The Reverend interrupts.*

If it's about building a church in town again, I already told you my ideas on that. But if you've decided to help me start up the Church of the True Celery, then I'll be happy to have a little chat with you.

Build a church!

*Slams his Bible down*

What'a you think I is? A prea...

*suddenly picks the Bible again, and tries to fix the cover which is now falling off*

Er, um, yes, of course there's that. We's got to build the church, but that ain't what I'm on about now. I ain't a patient man, as you kin see, but the church kin wait. I's taklkin about that other matter - sometin 'bout a woman.

*has been standing just outside the door for the last few minutes, not really interested in the conversation but waiting for the right time to interrupt*

*stepping inside the door* And she will be a dead woman soon if you don't get us a doctor. She hasn't really recovered consciousness since that bout of fever, that you were so unconcerned about. Wait till the posse finds out!

*she happens to look at the preacher and feels herself go weak at the knees. He may be dressed for the part, but there is an alluring air of danger about him, and he is wickedly good-looking*

Well, if the woman is sick, it's all the posse's fault, for making me move her.

*sigh* But we can't be losing our ticket to the manual and the emerald. Floradora, if there is anything you need to help her get well, let me know and I'll send one of the boys to get it.

*Catches the look Floradora gives the preacher. Looks with narrowed eyes at the preacher.*

Now, just what woman might you be speaking about?

*Signals Zello to be watchful.*

*Moves his hand down to the whip handle at his side.*

[Zero becomes absolutely fascinated. And a bit worried there, too. Could it be Lil they're talking about who's sick? He'd better listen for a LITTLE bit more before sneaking around ...]

*Without blinking an eye or moving a muscle*
You just go easy on that whip, boy.

*to Floradora*
Miss, anytime you wants ter tell me about yer sins, I's ready.

*to the Celery*
So's what I thought - you's kidnapped a woman. Well you kin 'magine I's got a thing er two ter say 'bout that. Whar's she kept, an what's you askin' fer ransom?

*The Celery's eyes narrow dangerously and a slightly mad look is seen briefly in his eyes*

You are fairly forward Sir, considering that you are in my stronghold, surrounded by my loyal lieutenants and henchmen and at th ecentre of my power.

I would therefore offer counsel and suggest a little more caution and civility on your part before making allegations of that nature.

Like all grand and lofty enterprises we have our .... er ... "guests" that can assist us in seeing our vision come to pass.

It is also true that there are some valuable objects that we desire and covet to further our cause.

For instace a certain Emerald is needed for our Imperial Regalia. Have you perchance come across such an object in your travels ... er ... "Preacher"

~aside~

We all have our secrets my dear Sir and I think you no exception.

*Zello maintains a watchful and ready stance keeping a close eye on the "Preacher"*

[]

*steeples hands and leans back in his chair*

Well Reverend, I do believe it to be important to always have the measure of a man and by your silence I believe that I have the measure of you.

Now to business - I know of your *ahem* little requirement concerning one of my men and I think that the acquisition of that Emerald I mentioned might smooth the path towards an ... err ... accommodation, yes that's the word, accommodation

It's a mere trinket - a small bauble but I rather have taken a fancy to it. Deliver it to me and I will deliver what you need to you.

Do we have an understanding ?

* a faint cry is heard from somewhere in the back of the ranchhouse, and the sound of something falling to the floor*

[Cut to a brief closeup of Zero's widened, sharp eye, then back to the Celery]

*beckons to Zello*

See what that was will you ... the Reverend and I have things to discuss.

~Zello exits~

Reverend, let me tell you that events are coming to a head. There is a posse of salonista's on their way here. I am in possession of some merchandise *ahem* that they value you see. It is highly unlikely that they will make it of course as we have a few very nasty surprises lined up for them en-route.

Shortly after their failure the last obstacle will be removed and the path will be clear towards my domination of H2G2 at long last.

Mwaaa hah hah hah hah hah hah !!!!!


The Presidency that was rightfully mine will be abolished and I will ascend to full and complete domination over this realm.

I will rule wisely but incase of any *ahem* 'misunderstandings' I have some additional assets at my disposal that will guarantee my supremacy over the H2g2 denizens for many a year. They are being prepared in a secret place.

I must know where you stand on this - will you recover the Emerald for me ?

[Zero sweatdrops. Pause a moment, then he jumps off the roof and air-dashes ... somewhere not covered in this thread.]

*the Celery's guards think Lil is still quite weak, and security around her room has lapsed. She makes up a person-shaped lump in the bed, then moves quietly to the closet, remembering Styx's comment about the house being full of holes. Exploring the floor, she soon finds a loose board in the floor's wide planking, evidently how Styx got in*

*Moving carefully, Lil lifts the plank and lets herself down into a crawl space beneath the house, then does her best to replace the plank before inching toward the moonlight coming through the lattice walls of the crawl space*

*She can hear voices above her as she makes her way to the lattice, and from a bulding a short distance away is the raucous noise of singing and argument*

*Lil flinches as a grandfather clock suddenly bongs out its westminster chimes, then announces 4 am*

*only a few feet from her is a rail where three horses are tied up, fully saddled. A dark bay gelding looks lame; he keeps changing his weight from one front foot to the other. The pinto gelding is fast asleep and has probably been ridden hard that day. The third horse, a buckskin mare, is looking back at her with interest*

*Lil moves along the lattice until she finds a flap door, lifts it and crawls cautiously out, then slowly stands up and looks around. The only movement is the restless bay and some cattle further out. She steps quietly over to the buckskin and strokes her muzzle while checking that the tack is secure, then unties the reins, slithers into the saddle and walks the mare into the grass where her hooves will be muffled*