h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I say, there are ladies present, do you think you could modify your language a bit there.
*Looks around as the dust settles. Gives a Gnu an experimental prod. Nothing much happens. Trys a Gnother Gnu. Still nothing. Looks at third* Umm, I think this one is an Okapi.

[X attempt to bodily shove a gnu aside. He's strong enough, you know. Of course, what with all the other gnus crowding around, there isn't much chance of success.]

*ponders plan of action*

*wonders what on earth a gnu is*

*goes to look it up*

Hmm, I think I have a plan. Just a mo'
*Slithers off horse such that he is standing on the back of a gnu. Proceeds to jump from animal to animal, nearly falling a couple of times before making it to the edge of the herd. Turns to the gnu at the front*
I say, would you be a Bison? Or perhaps a Hartebeast?
*The lead Gnu looks up at Munchkin, snorts in derision and begins to wander off, as the rest of the herd begin to follow.*
Marvelous.

See http://timothyplatypus.tripod.com/FaS/hat_gnu.html for why they would take umbrage. Ah Flanders and Swan

Gnus are a singularly ugly form of antelope, I believe and they don't half pong!

*remembers traditional English word for shifting cattle and gives it a try, nothing ventured, nothing gained*

Cush....Cush.......Cush....

*the Gnus seem to recognise a voice of authority and begin to move aside, those that don't get a Look and decide that perhaps moving out of the way would be advisable*

*path through the herd begins to clear and Bonnie steps forward, gingerly*

[X] Hmm ... whatever your plan is, it seems to be working.

*deterred by the look from you gnu who the herd of gnu's parts and starts to disperse. However some new gnu's appear which is news to the old gnu's. The new gnu's hear the news from the old gnu's which adds to the general confusion. Gnu one gnu's what gnu's are which by this time.*

*Bonnie takes advantage of the new and old gnus' confusion to nip smartly (Clysedales can be very light on their feet when circumstances demand) through the herd*

*as Bonnie works her way past the gnu's she encounters the Texas Longhorn cattle who stubbornly refuse to get out of the way. The sharp points of their horns prod Bonnie's flanks painfully*

Paddinton Bear version of the Look which is even fiercer*

Cush you daft cows... Cush....

*the longhorns realising by the tone of voice that this person has had dealings with Highland Longhorns start to look very wary and back away slowly....*

Move on Bonnie, you are bigger than them anyway.

[X starts charging his X-buster, frowning.]

*from somewhere below, muffled and barely audible over the lowing of herd beasts, come several curiously endearing gutteral noises.*

Gnerf-fnoo,fnuff fnoo! (Look, the sky is full of cows!)

Ghnahar! Fner-fner-fner. Fnah! (Just keep moving or they'll step on us! And Carmel's fainted again!)

*sea follows in bonnie's wake, glad SOMEONE has experience with livestock*

/* takes the lead from Caer's "cush cush" but adds an American twist. */

Git along, little doggie. Git along!

Ahem, pardon me, but kin I jus' say that maybe as this's a sign from the Jello?

* Strikes a gnu on the rump with his bible. *

Cuz when all Jello's critters gits in yer way, then maybe you's followin' the wrong path. Now, I's sure I kin be of 'sistance. I kin take that jewel an' that manual an negotiart a peace treaty, yer know what I mean, an give that Celery feller what he wants an' git yer friend back ter safety. I's a good go-between a'cuz I'm religious like an' peaceful.

* Strikes another gnu. Several pages of the bible fall out. *

[X] I'm inclined to be skeptical, thankyouverymuch.

[He air-dashes over some of the gnus. He lands on the back of one of them and hurriedly air-dashes towards the far edge. Repeat cycle again.]

*Bonnie makes it safely through the herd*

Fresh air!

Are we going in the direction?

*grinning evilly the Apes set off a series of explosions from devices planted at various points in the pasture (see post 7).*

*The explosions rock the pasture and stampedes the gnu's and Longhorns scattering the Posse to the various parts of the ranch*

The Bunkhouse - F91033?thread=186494&latest=1
The Barn - F91033?thread=186495&latest=1
The Corral - F91033?thread=186497&latest=1
The Ranch House - F91033?thread=186498&latest=1

*the horse that A Man Called Jello is bound to, is spooked by the explosions and the stampeding cattle and heads off in the direction of the Corral*

Help !! Help !!!!!

Ape, you can't take it upon yourself to scatter the Posse like that. I'm going to assume that everyone is still together in the Pasture.

*flies in at speed* lands deftly on Bonnie's head*

Sorry about that. I managed to get myself buried for a week. *looks around* Oh look, Gnus! They taste like chicken, you know.