h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A black-clad, black-masked rider gallops up and skids to a stop. His horse rears as he waves his sword over his head. The rider then notices who he has riden up to.*

Oh, Reverend. It's just you. Who's the lady, and how did you get out here so fast - I just saw you back at the ranch.

*Sherry, who was blushing at the mention of a picnic, stares at the rider, wondering what he's talking about*

Ranch? We just... I mean...

*Decides to let the Reverend figure things out*

*Gives Sherry a puzzled look, but since the masked man asking these questions is (obviously) wearing a mask and the Reverend can't tell who he is, he has to assume that they know each other.*

Er, well, um, yes. I think we stumbled on a shortcut to the pass, and, well, er, um. Yes.

Tell me, is The Celery at the ranch now? I have an important document that I believe he will want to peruse.

*Looks puzzled at the preacher.*

Well, you would know better'n me - you were with him when I left.

*Scratches head.*

And yer talking different. And who's the lady?

*Doffs hat at Sherry, still looking confused.*

Me? Speaking differently? Well, it has been a tough day, what with me having shot that man.

*Hangs head momentarily and gives a quiet sob.*

Oh, and pardon me for not introducing you. Miss...this is..., um..., and..., um... this is Miss... um.

*Suddenly realizes that in all the commotion he has not been properly introduced to Sherry and doesn't know her name, and still can't remember meeting Zello at all, but now supposes it must have been in the Celery's office in town.*


The Devil confound me! All this shooting and exploding has driven me mad! Now enough with the introductions, the lady and I have a very important document to deliver to the Celery, it is most urgent and I am certain he will want to see it post-haste. Only I hope he does not want the other thing too, which I still can't find.

*Pats his pockets, looking for the Test Mint again.*

Look at what you've done. You've gotten me all rattled, and I'll warrant I'll soon start cursing! I must be on my way!

*Heads of in entirely the wrong direction.*

*Finds himself at a dead end behind a small hillock, with his horse stubbornly refusing to move until it gets a good drink from the small stream.*

Now where am I? hill is blocking my view.



*Immediately gets off his horse and down on his knees to ask forgiveness.*

*Following discretely, hears the and smiles.*


Now THAT'S the preacher I know!

*Trots up to Sherry and Zello. Winks at Sherry.*

Howdy, miss. You's a purty one ain't ya?

*Nods to Zello.*

*Stares dumbfounded at the preacher.*

How....how....

*Shoots the simulpost*

What's you? An injun? How what?

How did you get here? I just left you over there.

*Points vaguely. Shakes head.*

And I didn't even have a mouthfull from that bottle!

*Gallops up and stops beside the preacher. Nods at Zello and takes hat off to Sherry.*

Phew, preacher! You ride hard!

Good day, ma'am. Zello. We're on a mission from Jello.

*Takes a flask from his jacket, takes a swig and hands it to Zello.*

Well maybe you oughter. A lil' medicine ter clear the brain as the good book says.

I jus'been ter see the Celery, an we'se got ter get ter that posse afore they gets ter the pass. Don' know how much I kin say in front a'the lady, only they's got sometin' of the Celery's rightful possesun's an I wanna negotiate afore they gits... well afore is all.

Like Frank says, it's a mission from Jello. The rewards is great.

*Zeke rides up and halts next the group. He nods to all but doesn't say anything. He just spits on the ground and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He then takes off his hat and mops his neck with his kerchief*

*Sherry nods to the gentlemen*

Good day, sirs. Ah'm Sherry à la Gelée. Reverend, didn't yew just ride... Oh, never mind. The heat must be gettin' to me.

*She smiles and fans herself with her hand*

*Takes a drink from the flask, then nearly spits it out when the Reverend says he just saw the Celery.*

What do you mean, just saw him. A little while ago you were asking how to find him, after I had just seen you with him. Wanted to give him a document, or something.

*Suddenly gets a shrewd look in his eyes. Draws his sword.*

Are you trying to confuse me? You up to something?

Hey! Leave the preacher alone, Zello. I told ya before, we're on a mission from Jello. The preacher here has to get to the posse to negotiate something important. I'm going to tell the boys at the pass to let him through.

And you're starting to sound crazy yourself with all this talk of him riding back and forth - I've had him in sight ever since we left the ranch just a little while ago.

*Sherry begins to look frightened when Zello draws his sword. She backs her horse up a few paces*

Gentlemen, please. Reverend, weren't we going to speak to the Celery? To give him the Will? And now yew want to go back the way we came? Ah reckon the heat is gettin' to yew, too!

I mus' be in a den of loonerticks! I jus'talked ter the Celery an he's got the will, only he needs a certin other thin' ter have the way. An I's gonna get it fer him, seein' as I's a preacher an kin git back an'forth ter talk ter the posse. I ain't gonna say what it is, only it's hard an' green an' glitters, an' I reckin the posse has it. After we's gonna build a church an' spread the true word.

An 'less you wants fer me ter give yer 'xtreme unction right 'bout now, I surgests you put that sword down.

Jesse, if you's gonna talk ter them Jellos in the pass, you oughter do it now, 'cuz I gotta git goin'.