h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome to the Lizard Lounge.

This is THE place to be if you're a Debonair Hero, an Elegant Female or a Suave Villain.

The lights are low, the air is smoky (but only virtually so ) and the music swings. So come in, pull up a bar stool and enter the Lizard Lounge.

*deackie enters in a long, red ballgown, hair swept up, neck, wrist and fingers adorned with diamonds*

*considers sitting and waiting for her debonair hero to arrive*

*has a glass of while she waits*

Good evening, my dear. May I have this dance?

I'm impressed by the quick change.

*slips gently from the barstool to land softly on her red, heeled shoes*

*takes a slow sip from her and then rests the glass on the bar top*

*receives the graciously*

It's always the same when you go dancing, there are never any men and the women always have to dance together Are you going to lead or shall I?

Ah, I'm known for my talents as a quick-change artist.

*stands on tiptoe, overbalances and sits heavily on bar stool*

I think you'd better lead, you're taller than I am and I've only learnt the lady's steps at ballroom dancing so far. '

Shall we do the social foxtrot? Back two steps (slow slow), side-close (quick quick), forward two (slow slow), side-close (quick quick). That's the lady's steps. Oh, hang on, that's OK, I can do that backwards. I'll lead after all. Hang on.

*disappears beind screen again, reappears six inches taller*

There. Now then...

*takes deackie's hand and leads her on to the dance floor*

There may be tear drops to shed, so while there's music and love and romance, let's face the music and dance...

To the sound of the smooth, sexy voice of Frank Sinatra of course.

Oh, by the way, I am impressed by your added stature

The doors of the Lizzard Lounge slowly swing open and a figure, dressed in black enters into the shadows..
He stands a while, cigar in hand, watching the beautiful ladies dancing, and then moves to the bar and on a stool, glass of appears, and is swiftly and effeciently dealt with.
He reaches inside his jacket pocket and walks over the dance floor, handing each of the dancing lady's a black rose before leaving the room as quietly as he entered.
The faint smell of Cuban cigar smoke lingers and he is gone..

*sigh* Who was that mysterious stranger? I suddenly feel weak at the knees and simply must rest awhile.

The doors swing open again, and the mysterious stranger reappears at the bar and takes a stool next to the swooning lady
Would you care for some ? Or perhaps you would prefer a pint of cask-conditioned real- Cigar?

As much as I believe cask-conditioned real and a cigar may be a pleasure I could possibly enjoy, I am not sure how well it will fit in with my elegant, sophisticated, feminine image, so I shall continue to delicately sip

*reaches into small bag and produces an exsquisite cigarette case. Removes a cigarette and waits to be offered a light*

*Mysterious stranger? pulls a gun out of his left hand pocket, and lights the ciggerette he then lights his own Cigar Nice in here, very quiet, too many dark corners though,
*looks around sternly before resting his gaze back onto the elegant, sophisticated, feminine beauty aside him

Thank you. I don't believe I have seen you in here before. Do you think any suave villains may be acting covertly in those dark corners? *gasp*

Anything, so to speak is possible, but let us not ponder on such trifle matters, all that shall reach its appropiate ending in the fullness of time. In the meantime lets relax and order some more drink, and see what transpires...

*stares at mysterious stranger and wonders what indeed may transpire and whether it should involve the bar, the office, a dark alley and a final rooftop confrontation*

*sits coyly sipping more and enjoying the atmosphere*

So, what's your line of business?

My line of bisness?
well, i could tell ou, but then i would have to kill you*
*sips
*takes off hat and throws it over the bar to land delicately on a coat/hat stand, which promptly falls over
*strolls over and picks up hat stand
*returns to bar
*throws hat again
*hat lands on hat/coat stand, which doesn't fall over
"the bar, the office, a dark alley and a final rooftop
confrontation*"
Hmmm,
Very intuitive
Where do you get your information?
*sips and curiously examines the lady's dress

*sips bubbly and looks at the mysterious stranger's suit*

Now, if I told you where I get my information then I might have to kill you

Was that a fedora you just expertly threw at the hat stand?

Naa, it was me hat
*lites another cigar and begins blowing smoke triangles hows it going?
*sips quiet round here, at least at the moment?

It is rather quiet in here, we really do need to find a few more debonair heroes, elegant women and suave villains. There must be plenty lurking around h2g2.

*takes another cigarette from her dainty, silver cigarette case*

Well, this is circa 1930s and all elegant people smoke, no connection has been found yet between smoking and ill-health so I'll just enjoy it for the next 30 years

Huh?
i didn't think they ever found any connection between smoking and ill-health, i was always under the impression that all the bad stuff about smoking was made up by private health care thinggies to make you pay them lots of money for private healthy care thinggies? maybe there are people lurking here as we smoke i mean as we speak *sips

*shivers*

Do you think there may be other people here? I suddenly feel anxious in a feminine and helpless sort of way.

*looks around furtively*