h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*steps up to the band in order to provide background music for the scot and the femme fatale*


The mist of May is in the gloamin
And all the clouds are holding still
So take my hand and we'll go roamin'
Through the heather on the hill

*slinks closer to handsome Scot*

Pleased to meet you, Mr Buchanan. I'm Angel les Pieds.

I think the year is sometime in the 1930s, but that's open to interpretation.

Would you care to dance? (You really ought to be doing the asking, this being pre-women's lib.)

(Is patience no longer a virtue in these modern times?)

Say Miss les Pieds, youre pretty forward, but who am I to jusge a gal in a hurry?

*takes AlP by the arm, and whisks her onto the dancefloor*
*after a few turns round the room*

So tell me lady, are you ok? I couldnt help but notice you looking a bit odd when I entered the room...

*attempts to pointedly fail to glance down at AlP's bag, a slight widening of his grey/blue eyes betraying him*

*continues to sing with terrible scottish accent*

The morning dew is blinking yonder
There's lazy music in the rill
And tis a lovely time to wander
Through the heather on the hill

ah ha, no my plan is complete,
*wisks diamond encrusted gold egg back from bag, and swiftly ties up the eligent lady*







Now, Mr Cool, hand over the secret plans for the Scottish Piper at the gates of dawn, and the lady can be set free.. if not i will set off a power you will soon forget..





Carbonite.

(which elegant lady? the one singing or the one who up to a second ago was in my arms? You think you can make it out of here without a fight? Are you not sadly mistaken? )

*struggles to escape from bonds*

My bag! Oh, Mr Buchanan, he's stolen my bag! Please, please help me!

*widens eyes helplessly*

*scream* *act completely helplessly*

What kind of monstor is he, to tie up the pretty lady I was dancing with and steal from her and escape wiht me not able to get a word in edgeways? Some faster than light knot expert?

No, he must still be here, in diguise....

I'm sorry Miss les Pieds, but you will have to hope that the lady on the stage will come to your aid, for I must try and catch this rogue villain who pretends to be capable of faster than light knot mage-ery...

*After apollogetic bow, exits stage up*

That double crossing Blubberhouse! Just when I was nearly getting away with it, too.

Stop screaming and untie me!

i will

*faint*

Thank you.

*stands up, flexes limbs*

Thank you so much.

Did you see where that villain went?

*Above:

swinging from the studio gantry, James is briefly grateful he is now above the lights,and those below have no chance to answer the question he knows they wanted to ask as soon as he turned up in his kilt...

movement to his left alerts him that the infinitely speeds knot meister is not actually so far away.... *

BANG!

*scream*

Blast, I'm not supposed to do that, I'm a femme fatale.

*waves smelling salts under deackie's nostrils*

Wake up, we need a screamer!

Hmm, who's this mysterious stranger?

*examines Kreggit carefully*

*scream* (was that OK?)

*contemptously glances down at idiot whose shout of BANG failed to fool anybody..*

*as he gaind slowly on the knotmeister thief, James slips his skean dhu from his sock, puts it between his teeth, takes another knife from his sporren, and watches warily the man in front, terribly aware of how east it would be for the thief to mummify him in seconds if you doesnt keep alert*

*From under his kilt, he draws a gun*