h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Freshly constructed by a crack team of union-worker sheep, the Sheep and Shrub Canteen is hereby open. Don't let it worry you if the wall peels a bit, or if the ceiling starts falling it. Just prop it up and call the office of the Minister for Feathered Affairs. That's the office that deals with these things.

I'm astonished at the speed those sheep can build! Are they on steroids?

There are just a helluva lot of them. Herd mentality.

Where is your building permit? And your inspection sticker from the health department? You need to get that ashep hair cleaned up before the inspector comes.

Which reminds me. One of the offices we need to fill is that of Undersecretary for Siberian Sheep Shavings.

That problem could be fixed neatly if you don't appoint a zoning/health/whatever inspector

The ceiling and two of the walls are in definite violation of building codes. Did you apply for a variance?

Building codes are there for everyone's protection. We need to set a good example for our constituents.

I believe if we use the right mix of constituents the walls and bricks should hold together nicely. Maybe?

What're you talking about? It's not an election year.

Listen to this man.

Clears throat and gives Jodan the eyebrow.

We will be having hundreds - nay thousands - of tourists through Alabaster House every month. Many of them will be stopping at the canteen for a bit of refreshment. SPENDING MONEY Collapsed ceilings and wonky walls will cut into our revenues.

What if a small child from Ohio is injured here? Huh? Little kid comes in after getting your autograph, buys himself a Dr. Pepper and a bag of Cheez-its and is killed by falling plaster. It'll look bad in the papers.

Or good, depends how we spin it.

Pah. You know very well I charge thousands of dollars for my autograph precisely because no one will be able to afford the canteen's prices after buying my John Hancock.

I see a pattern developing here and I don't like it one bit.

If I am going to have to hire independent contractors to fix your messes, then I see no reason why you as well as your carpenters shouldn't be dropped from a great height.

*wonders if the fall will tenderize the meat*

We could serve kabobs in the canteen. Make a fortune.

My communications director makes another excellent point. And an intern in the communications office named Kenny has developed an excellent, 17 point plan in case of injury in Alabaster House.

Worry ye not, Madame President

Pah.
The Vice Presidential Office is what you call 'Big Picture Oriented'. You can worry about how tender your meat is and the roofs in this house, but I plan to work on the issues. Such as my Italic Bewigging and my scheme to sell of excess yachts with a sheep-telemarketing team

Is there any Roast Lamb on the menu

None at all, no.

The amount of sheep there is around here I though Roast Lamb was perminantly on the menu

Or I'm going to have to do some serious "No Comment"ing when the News of the World or the National Enquirer start asking why there are so many sheep in Alabaster House

Yes, well, Alabster House is definitely sheep friendly. And although I often threaten with kabob skewers, I am actually quite fond of him and wouldn't serve him with potatoes and mint jelly.

I do worry about the number of sheep Jodan is collecting. The vice presidential wing is already reeking. I think we need to build them a barn with a large attached exercise yard where they can get fresh air and sunshine. Sheep do not do well as indoor animals.

I think Jodan should keep the sheep in his office

No I think the sheep should be kept well away from Jodan