h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

An enormous wing of Alabaster House is devoted to the Vice Presidential Suite. This vast collection of rooms includes a conference hall, some 30 lesser offices, a file room, a large office for the VP's Chief of Staff connected to the huge office for the Vice President based upon the VP's UnderGuide office, as described in A4184516

Beyond the tall glass doors that open to the wing are seven golden sheep statues and hundreds of menial staff workers scurrying around at the Vice President's whims.

On the Vice President's desk, which faces his badges and waterfall grotto, is a red telephone directly connected to the President, with other lines going to the Secretary of State, the italics, the UG Editors and the Kremlin.

*Walks into her large office as Jodan's Chief of Staff*

It is large, as promised, tastefully decorated with a huge polished oak desk (soon to be spread with confidential memos, etc) and a very comfortable chair.

The VP's Chief of Staff settles down to read the papers and find out what's been happening in the world.

*barks some orders at his COS*

*rushes to obey, then sticks her tongue out behind Jodan's back*

*notices tongue on security monitor and bleats additional orders*

*Wonders why VP is bleating orders as opposed to speaking, and considers calling in doctor. Quickly followed by wondering how a man who bleats ever got elected.*

Sorry, that was the Vice, Vice President

I got elected by hitching my star to the right ticket and rarely bleating at campaign stops.

Ok then. Just as long as you haven't lied by ommission by failing to mention to the h2g2 community during the campaign that you are, in fact, a as well as a telephone.

I'm not a damn telephone. Definitely not a sheep-telephone.

*picks up a sheep*

This one was ringing. Now it seems to be muttering. What was my title again?

Now it seems to be tinkling on your scalp

Communications director.

*Directs the communicating sheep to stop tinkling and begin trunking.*

Blast those elves.

*Frantically calls EvilClaw for help*

Drop the Vice President. Drop him now!

Oh my! *drops*

ack, I don't know where he's been!

*washes hands in the fountain*

What a crack team I've assembled

MJ, I'd like to point out that though as a Co-Editor of the UG, you've been assigned a janitor's closet as office space, in Alabaster House, you get a majestic room with plenty of wall space and an intimidating desk (as does my CoS here). No harmful chemicals or mops to dance with though

Decorations... I'll leave that up to you.

I was thinking a sheepskin rug.

Faux?

Of course! What do you take me for? Someone with taste? I ask you...

Excellent.

Now what was that thing I was going to have my Chief of Staff do that required me to deputize this thing? Fill me in, Scooter