Forty-second floor... women's health, soft drinks, UnderGuide.

You wonder which way the UnderGuide is - but then it hits you from the port side like a tidal wave hits a barbecuing pontoon boat. You turn left, based on assumption that no respectable soft drink company would bottle the smell of mole defecation and old filing cabinets.

Walking towards the smell, you have to be quick on your feet to avoid the numerous holes presumably dug by one of the hard-hatted critters scurrying about. You reach an unwelcoming door emblazoned with the word 'Yahoo!' and several advertisements. It's a heavy door, requiring both arms' strength to hold open and a strong foot down to keep it from closing while you pass through.

However, upon entering, you see a busy lobby. There are first century Scottish generals, newspaper editors and even a man who could, in a pinch, pass for Santa Claus. Most notably, there are numerous animals - some in tanks, some on perches. They throw around confusing terms like 'Pig and Slag' and 'Polish the monkey'. You're equally appalled and intrigued.

What really stands out in the room, however, are the plaques on the wall facing you as you enter. They read-

"If there is nothing worth publishing that day, I would rather publish nothing"
-A quotation attributed to a broad called Ben Franklin

"Let the UnderGuide revolution continue."

-A Verc called Terran

Don't wash your feet in the management's waterfall grotto.

-A Management called Corner Office

You check in with an obviously inept yet remarkably perky receptionist named Lola. She pins a purple badge proclaiming you to be an 'Official UnderGuide Volunteer' with a Post-It note saying 'Visitor' on your smart, casual sweater. You are told that you may enter.

As you go deeper into this office suite, it occurs to you that there are three enormous holes in the center of the place, with all the desks (most unoccupied and looking to be untouched for decades) crowded around them. One is marked 'To the Mines', with songs of famous drinks echoing up from it. Another presents itself as the 'Torture/Initiation Hole' with screams coming from it. The last has a sign proclaiming it to be 'Archives' and no happy songs come from it. In fact, there are terrible screams rising out of it - louder and more terrible than the screams of the 'Torture/Initiation Hole'.

On a level above this busy floor of holes and un-filed paper, there is an area with beautiful topiaries and statue of what appear to be famous ovine. The area is much cleaner and made of a well polished marble. It is marked 'Editor's Floor', and though you have no business there, its beauty draws you nearer. You notice six distinct rooms.

The first is in the center, with steam and wonderful scents coming through the door cracks. In golden lettering, you are told that it is the Editorial Washroom.

Just to the left is a man named Tube's office. The door reads 'Tube. Miner liaison. Co-Editor.' and has a picture of... a tube of all things. On the other side of the washroom is a office belonging to a person called Waz. It has a similarly dull description on its door, with a majestic looking picture of an avian.

On the left of Tube's place is a corner office belonging to a Ben fellow. Appears that this Ben is a female though. Curious. The symbol on her door is an odd one, but seems to give the strange impression of Buddha doing yoga.

To the far left is a closet marked 'Assistant Editor' with a mop silhoeutte.

To the right of Waz's office is an enormous stretch of undoored hallway, leading to a door so far away that you can't read its long description from your current position. After a minute's brisk walk, you arrive at a huge, gold and silver door with a bronze sheep figure in the center, below the following description-

JODAN.

OVINE EXTRAORDINARE;

GRAND POOH-BAH, UNDERGUIDE;

TAKER OF FREQUENT VACATIONS AND TRIPS¹;

PATRIARCH OF HIS ADORING MINER-CHILDREN;

CO-EDITOR, FORMER ARCHIVIST, MINER, POLISHER;

BAAH.

You run out as fast as you can, careful not to drop into the archive hole.