|So Long, And Thanks For Laughing|
Biblical Bloopers from Sunday School Students:
- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
jezebel like Delilah.
- Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
- The First commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The Fifth Commandment is humour thy mother and father.
- The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the
Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found
Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an
- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to
get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a
- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
Real Signs On Church Property
- Free Trip to heaven.
- Try our Sundays.
They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
- Searching for a new look?
Have your faith lifted here!
- An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands
holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed
& a headline that reads: "For fast, fast relief, take two
- When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big
sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays."
reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
- Have trouble sleeping?
We have sermons - come hear one!
- A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing
at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the
pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is
- People are like tea bags
You have to put them in hot water before
you know how strong they are.
- God so loved the world that he did not send a committee.
- Come in and pray today.
Beat the Christmas rush!
- When down in the mouth, remember Jonah.
He came out alright.
- Sign broken.
Message inside this Sunday.
- Fight truth decay
study the Bible daily.
- How will you spend eternity
Smoking or Nonsmoking?
- Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives.
- Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and
the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this
- It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin.
- Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
- If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
- If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
- Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal
fire insurance soon.
- This is a CH_ _ CH. What is missing?"
- Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
- In the dark?
Follow the Son.
- Running low on faith?
Stop in for a fill-up.
- If you can't sleep, don't count sheep.
Talk to the Shepherd.
|So Long, And Thanks For Laughing|