Bible Jokes

2 Conversations

So Long, And Thanks For Laughing

Bible Jokes

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

A. Ruth-less.

Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?

A. Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.
A teddy bear dressed as a priest
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

A. Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.

A. 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson; he brought the house down.

Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

A. In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A. They were really put out.

Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A. They really raised Cain.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. How long did Cain hate his brother?

A. As long as he was Abel!

Q. What was the last thing Noah said before he entered the Ark?

A. So long Fellers!

Q. The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?

A. They used floodlights.

Q. After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah?

A. 3 because the Bible says that Noah went forth out of the ark.

Q. Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?

A. When Adam and Eve needed more coverage.

Q. Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?

A. When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.

Theme Songs for Bible People

    Theme songs for Bible people
  • Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
  • Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
  • Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
  • Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
  • Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
  • Moses: "The Wanderer"
  • Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
  • Samson: "Hair"
  • Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
  • Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
  • Joshua: "Good Vibrations"
  • Peter: "I'm Sorry"
  • Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
  • Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
  • The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
  • Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
  • Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
  • Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
  • Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"
So Long, And Thanks For Laughing

Bookmark on your Personal Space



Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more