h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Krylmabot-Yes. Yes it is.

hmm.. could be mine, I don't suppose you can see wot size it says on the label?

hey, wait a minute...

isn't happy dude a hero?

Nope, he's been a villain the whole time.

*flashes laminated S.T.U.M.P.E.D. identification card*

*Krylmabot runs an ID check*

Krylmabot-He's a member. An early one, too.

*He just hands the coxcomb to HappyDude*

Krylmabot-Here, just take a look at it yourself. Is it yours?

ah.

so, time to... what now?

[Yar happens to be wandering through the vicinity of the Stadium on his way someplace else; he has a sheathed katana at his hip. He's far enough away that the whole stadium is visible and doesn't even fill half the screen. Er, his field of vision.]

hmm it's 7 1/4 mine was 7 3/8

*hands coxcomb back to Krylmabot*

Krylmabot-I'll take this to the lost and found, then... Meanwhile, are you fellows waiting for some crime assignments, or something? I can assign awesome gigs to up your street cred. And get more from your STUMPED paycheck.

hmmm...

sounds like a good idea to me. I'm awfully bad at creating evil things to do...

Krylmabot-Very well.

*Krylmabot's eyes go dimmer as he searches his onboard Guide for potential crime spree, acts of evil, and other related tasks. Finally, his eyes light up*

Krylmabot-Here's a task for you. Have you ever heard of the group at A1023409 known to h2g2 as a society of time travellers?

Time Travel is a powerful tool, one that STUMPED has used on occasion to better its purposes. However, due to the dumb luck of heroes, each of those plans has been foiled.

The task that I assign you is for you to go to their library, and steal the following books:

-Taming Ouroubourous: the author is unknown, but my sources indicate that few people have ever read it because they researched for the correct name of the snake, and the title of this book contains a typo. This text contains secrets relating to the ethereal side of temporal dynamics that have remained ellusive even to the top Krylma mystics.

-Applications of Higher Temporal Dynamics for Beings Embedded in Fewer than Seven Dimensions: This text was written by a scientist thought to be the greatest time travelling expert in history, including our own limited knowledge of the future. This text would be a boon to STUMPED Scientists and Krylma Science Masters.

-Guide to the TTC: The Guide to the TTC is the definitive source of information relating to the Time Travellers Convention. The TTC has only occured once, in its own ever expanding pocket dimension, a frequent "accidental" stop for time travel experimenters who cross the wrong wires. The convention has never ended ever since it began, and this guide tells you what the "current" workshops and presentations are. While the guide is arguably useful for determining what's happening there, our interest is for the material that the guide is made out of. Somehow, this guide has been made chrono-sensitive, so that it updates itself for whatever is currently being offered on the schedule, so that wherever you are in the time stream (past, present, or future) the information will be accurate and still up-to-date for the timeless expanse of the TTC's pocket dimension.

So go, steal those three texts for the furthering of STUMPED's influence and the greater glory of the Krylma empire!

Play with the normal rules: if you don't meet resistance within 12 hours of "real time", then feel free to break continuity by moving forward with your own posts.

umm, I got a question...

Krylmabot-Ask away.

isn't that the sort of thing we have henchman type thingies for

Krylmabot-Well, there are a few options. You could take the Black Vested Henchmen who can't really aim and can be felled by the karate stylings of a group of meddling kids. Or, alternatively, two or three really big and strong doofi who can be easily tricked by the same group of meddling kids. You could also take someone exotic like a pirate, ninja, or bounty hunter, though those guys're lacking in loyalty and high in smarts so they might go turncoat. There are also robots and Krylma minions that you could borrow temporarily.

Regardless, I highly suggest that you go along with them. You're the super villains, after all. And this is the "pump some life into the organization" gig. Gotta have some good villains making appearances. It's what the public wants.

It's what the public needs.

[Yar] [who is still a few miles away from the Stadium] That's it, I'm outta here. [walks off]

...to supervise the henchmen

OK

Krylmabot-And the villain to pull off this job and bring the texts back here, along with any other interesting looking time travel artifacts you happen to find, will get a nice bonus in the next paycheck.