h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wonder if I ought to come up with some sort of viable H2G2 villain. I mean, one who *isn't* a spur-of-the-moment IDEA I had based transparently on whatever I was reading/watching/playing at the time ...

New characters are always fun, admittedly.

I know, but inspiration fails me.

WE ARE THE PIIB AND WE ARE INVADING THIS THREAD OUT OF BOREDOM!!!

it does get a little dull with all of the same fights all the time...
Ah well...

*finds a blue miniature*

what sort of miniatures are these....?

I find motherhood gives me the appetite to give someone a good kicking. *carefully does not say the smaller the better*

Which colour is mine?

Miniatures, like the games Warmachine and Warhammer, but more toward the giant steam-mechas of the former. Normally they'd be a couple inches tall or so; some of these "giant miniatures" I've got here would be about small-house-sized. They're all adorned with weaponry ranging from pikes to cannons to flamethrowers. You can describe your own piece; they'd be big enough to climb into and control. Any of these that aren't controlled can be assumed to be under control of the STUMPED systems, or me, or any other senior members who decide to join the fray. The unspoken object of any STUMPED initiation is as much damage as possible... and we ARE villains. You don't have to play fair, just fun.



Pick a color, any color... but I'd suggest picking a piece before they finish turning on. They do look sort of angry...

*steam belches out of one of the particularly large ones*

fine, i'll play, but after this i'm definately invading!

*climbs into a large, green mecha, shaped like a chess rook*

*juggles*

Right then. Red. Fed up of blue.

*Wanders round the mechas, sucking her teeth, metaphorically kicking the tyres and actually looking for the one about to collapse under its own weight of dangerous looking implements. When she finds the one that has so many you can't actually tell what shape it was originally she climbs into it. Steam ensues*

*Looks for a green mecha that looks to be fast and moderately armed. Climbs aboard.*

*gets popcorn*

Wait, I know!


[A twentysomething young man with neatly-combed blond hair walks into the Stadium, dressed in a snazzy blue trench coat and with an oversized broadsword strapped to his back via an expensive-looking black leather baldric. He has a Smirk Of Evil. Existing STUMPED members may find him strangely familiar.]

[Evil Guy] Hello. My name is Ray Remark. Any openings for an evil twin here? Ah ...

[He looks around, reads some of the previous posts, and then points to a red miniature which looks like it hits stuff really hard.]

[Ray] I'll take *that* one.

*Corrupt flips idly through the rule book (pointedly holding it the wrong way), then shrugs and sets it on fire. She grabs the controls and a charred black looking mecha with a flame cannon wakes up, stomping its way toward the nearest victim.*

...mwahahaha.....

*The Krylma Leader tosses a complex looking remote control to HappyDude*

KL-Haven't seen you in a long, long while! Here, if you've a mind to, help yourself to some aerial bombardments.

*He watches the burning rule book and blinks a few times*

KL-Hmmm...I think that voids the warranty...

*At the phrase "voids the warranty" a hatchway opens up in the center of the field and a large Collossus (about 1/3 larger than the largest miniature currently on the field) rises, wielding swords in four arms. It begins spinning around on an axis at its waist, its swords rapidly arcing through the air*

KL-Good heavens! Corrupt, you've unleashed The Whirling Dervish of Cresh by voiding the warranty! It may cause enough damage that the auto-repair won't be able to repair the system gradually, forcing us to buy a new one!

*The Krylma Leader grabs the stadium microphone*


Fifty-Four Bonus Points to whosoever takes out the Dervish!

How was I to know there was a warranty on this? We never get things with warranties!

*the Whirling Dervish seems to get angrier as Corrupt repeats the 'w' word*

Well, may as well solve it the way I normally do!

*points the fireball cannon at the crazed mecha and fires*

*Thanks to its constant, buzz-saw like twirling, The Whirling Dervish of Cresh slices many of the incoming fireballs in two, effectively turning them into two smaller fireballs (the damage is, however, still significantly reduced). It dances in the direction of the remotely operated firebal tank and begins slicing it up (and much of the ground around it). As this happens, the STUMPED Stadium Gi-Norm-O-Tron activates, and Affy peers in, apparently from a comm. room at CLI*

Affy-Howdy there! I saw that a Whirling Dervish of Cresh just activated on the control panel here, and I was just checking in. How'd the warranty get voided? Did you step on the begonias? Try to turn it into an ice-skating rink? Open a hatch with a non-CLI screwdriver?

*Corrupt grits her teeth as she tries to keep her mecha from getting sliced to itty bitty bits*

A little... busy... here!

*fires fireballs wildly until the poor mecha is too damaged to fight anymore*

GAH!

*Her hair goes from 'smoldering' to 'inferno' setting, but the view of her is quickly clouded over by an attack from the (perhaps overzealous) fire suppression system in the control room*

Mrph mr ghrmmm!

*The Krylma Leader shrugs impassively at the Gi-Norm-O-Tron feed of Affy, indicating that he has nothing to do with the warranty being voided, and maybe it's just a misunderstanding. He also chuckles at Corrupt's trouble with the fire extinguishing units in the room*

KL-Careful there, Corrupt...

*The Whirling Dervish of Cresh, meanwhile, slices deeper and deeper into the now malfunctioning fireball cannon, until the cannon itself is ripped from the ground by one of the massive swords and propelled through the air towards one of the Red Mechs*

*A roughly Corrupt-shaped ball of anti-fire goop slowly makes its way out of the control room, muttering obscenities under her breath, and hits the button to summon the cleaning bot on her way out. Presumably, she'll be back shortly to make good on whatever threats she was making.*

*Meanwhile, one of the launched fireballs manages to connect with the Gi-Norm-O-Tron...*