h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah and my love and condolences too

::: OFFICIAL ACF ANNOUNCEMENT :::

All ACF troopers are ordered to F87282?thread=181645 to correct a misguided researcher who is being rude about Dogs.

Use of extreme force is authorised

*CV teleports in* Ahh, the old doghouse, I haven't done mischeif here in so long... And now to work! *places his parcel, a small scent bomb that releases CAT SMELL-O-STUFF (TM) all over the place, in the furnace intake and sets the timer to 2:00*
This is too easy...

Hi Captain Venom

Just getting caught up on this thread and found out about Tuc.

*walks in, disguised as a maintainence officer*

*sees CV's scent bomb*

Yes, that seems to be in order...

*ticks a big box marked "ex's special delivery arrival"*

*notes that the timer now reads "1:00"*

*walks out, quickly*

*security chief Heavy picks up the container, resets the timer, refills it with catnip and sticks it in a big box marked 'return to sender'*

Return to sender
another grea hit from the king himself (in more ways than one)

*the bomb falls out of the crate, because a small hole was plasma-burned into the side* *the impact releases the backup scent packs, which, unfound by UH, are still cat-smelly*

*wanders into thread as CV bomb goes off .. starts to believe that Merc weapomry is keyed into RD's genetic fingerprint*

*gagging from the overpowering smell of RD's auto-defence systems kick in launching a retalitory strike*

*a needle prowed micro sized hunter-killer device is ejected from Red's personal armour containing an ACF surreal bomb*

*a distant detonation s heard along with a gurgling scream and the sound of a large number of bison defacting on CV's carpet*

Nice one RD!

*luckily UH has perfect mastery of uncontinuity. he simply presses a button on the technotime gauntlet that has just appeared on his hand. time rewinds badly until the point when CV is in the Dog House. Uh then uses his powers of noncontiuit to kill CV irrevocably with huge voodoo powers that will render him ineligable to be resurrected. then he severs all CVs limbs and cuts him into pieces. some limbs are buried all over the globe, some bits are pwdered and scattered into the pacific and some are fired into space in separate rockets and in separate directions. then UH calls an exorcists to finally eradicate all trace of CVs personailty*

*gulp*

i think thats got that one just about wrapped up

its tough at the top. now, i must go. lessons.

Me too. Hate lessons, Key skills rubbish...

*walks back in, still disguised*

*ticks a big box on his clipboard marked "explosion"*

*picks p the remains of the bomb et. al and puts it in a biohazard bag*

*walks out*

Um...that was for me, guys. Note to mercs: Not on the Dog House threads, please, no matter what the one who hired you said. I apologise to one and all; I thought I'd made that clear. Red Dog has NOT given clearance. Sorry.

*Uses Goddess powers to alter reality. Appears just in time to whisk CV away before he meets his doom. Takes the smell-bomb to another thread; opens it there and takes the hit. Smells bad.*

sorry. i was feeling a bit aggrieved there